Darryl2312,
Hello and welcome to theLoveLogic. I am sorry about your circumstances and I hope you start feeling better soon.
Now...this is the part your probably NOT going to like but I must say I agree with bustertypsy on this on.
You went to a stag party and got drunk and had sex with a german girl. Let's look at this for a second. The action is bad enough but to say alcohol MADE you do it is a cop out. You wanted to and alcohol just lowered your inhibitions. I have been there and done that but to say "alcohol" made me do it not not presenting the truth.
For example:
Pint of Beer: 'Ello Darryl..See that german girl over there...why don't ya ask her for a shag? I am making you do this in case there is any questions"
Darryl: "
Burp....er.....
hic.....
burp......ok as long as you are making me."
Quote:
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When I got back I was riddled with guilt and I though I had caught an STD, so I owned up, she was devastated, we both went to docs for tests, clean. We agreed to put it behind us. Then in July we went to Mexico, argued a bit on holiday as she did ignore me at times speaking to other guys I called her a tart on one occasion
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Let me explain something about people, THEY NEVER PUT CHEATING BEHIND THEM...THEY ONLY TUCK IT AWAY IF YOU ARE LUCKY. What I mean is, if you are honest enough to show someone you love that it was a mistake and you admit you were wrong and ask forgiveness AND You CONTINUOUSLY SHOW them you love them and want them in your life ..it is POSSIBLE they can tuck it away.
Put yourself in HER shoes for a moment, if SHE went to a party and she shagged a guy because "she was drunk"....how would you react? Would
YOU be able to put it behind you? Somehow I doubt it. Could you forgive her?
'What's good for the goose is good for the gander.'
Translated means:
What is good for a man is equally good for a woman; or, what a man can have or do, so can a woman have or do. This comes from an earlier proverb, 'What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.'
As far as the trip to mexico, I believe the hard truth is the she "checked out of the relationship" meaning she emotionally has left. She may be there in body but NOT in her heart. May times, the heart leaves BEFORE a breakup. Why this happens is because they are waiting to meet someone else BEFORE they leave. It make sthe transition easier.
It is very possible she was just being social. I was not there but it could have happened. So what do you do? What every woman wants from her lover ...Ya called her a tart. Did she swoon? Did she run into your arms and kiss you passionately?
Sometimes we need a harsh bit of reality to kick us in the pants to make us realize that "HEY...maybe I was at fault!"
With all the drama in your post, I think the best plan is to let her go. THe damage has been done and you both need to move on. I don't mean to hurt your feeling and I know you are hurting. I wish you all the happiness you can find but the relationship is NOT a healthy one. Where was all the "love" you talked about? It wasn't in your post above.
To me, you need to learn to forgive yourself. Know that you made some big mistakes in your time with her and that you need to take a long, hard look at your life and what your definition of love is.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I wish you the best. Take time for yourself and remember we are here to listen.
All you have to do is post. Take care Darryl.
Your Friend,
SuperDave71