Quote:
| Okay as already seen on the NC thread I hadnt been able to keep it very well...the longest being 4 days!
Well today is the fourth day and I havent contacted her. |
Well done, you are already doing better than you ever have before then.
Quote:
| Basically had a run in with her on Wednesday night where she was being picked up by a "male friend"...and then didnt go home from work. I took all her things that were in my house down to her parents where she is staying (including her wedding dress) which is how I knwo she didnt go home and had told her dad she wouldnt be in after work.
I txt her on Thursday to say that i would be in the house on my own for the next two weeks if she wanted to talk and that if I hadnt heard from her by this friday i would start the divorce. i also found out that night that she had been seen having drinks with the same guy picking her up the week before. |
Friday, you've set a deadline. A point of closure, from which point onwards you can get on with your life instead of waiting for her in limbo? It seems sensible to me.
Quote:
| So far I havent heard anything at all...not a peep.
I'm confused. When I gave her my ring on Wednesday she seemed genuinely shocked and surprised that i was giving her it. She's also never mentioned divorce, even after I mentioned it a few weeks back.
I've also discovered that she is checking my bebo page whenever she goes online...which again, if she cared as little as she says she does, why is she doing that? |
Did you expect to hear anything? Is she the stubborn type? Would she "cut off her nose to spite her face? Why is she checking your page? A better question would be why are you wondering about her reasons?
Either she wants to be with you and work it out or she doesn't. It's not that hard, "yes" or "no"? She's got till Friday and then if there isn't a "yes", then that defaults to a "no", because she couldn't make the effort to talk to you about the marriage or any way of saving it.
Quote:
| So do I go ahead with the divorce if I havent heard from her by the end of the week? I really dont want to. In fact it scares me that I will no longer have my wife. But at the same time I want to show her that I'm serious. |
I'm genuinely sorry it's gone this far. Do you go ahead with the divorce? What do you think? You say you don't want to, but what are your options otherwise? Have you sought counselling together? Would she even be willing to go? IMHO there has been
NO EFFORT from her part, none. That concerns me. I mean, it seems she's seeing someone else, now whether that's a cry for attention or not; you can't keep waiting forever can you?
Whatever problems she has or needs to deal with
doesn't she need to either let you in, as her partner
or let you go? It appears that thus far, from all angles, she is getting on with her life, without you. You've drawn the line at which point the decision to keep you waiting is no longer hers,
don't you think that's necessary?
Change is almost always a scary thing for any creature,
humans especially are creatures of habit. I ask you to consider your language, you didn't type "It scares me that I'll lose the love of my life." what you typed was "It scares me that I will no longer have my wife." If I was to analyse that, I'd say you like the
idea of marriage and having a wife, perhaps it's something you've wanted for a long time, you don't like the thought of losing it.
It just might be that this person isn't the right person to have it with... Quote:
| I think last week was some sort of closure on the the whole thing. yes I cried that night, but I havent really felt "down" since then. Dont get me wrong, I havent felt happy, but I havent felt like my heart has been ripped out of my chest!
I am concentrating on myself...I've been out and about today with friends, and already got dinner lined up with a nice attractive single girl tomorrow night. Got a get together with friends on wednesday and possibly Thursday. And I know I'm not going to dwell on her...my mind hasnt been in the same place that it was for the past month since we split up.
I am doing the things that I want to do. sorting myself out. But i cant help thinking about things every now and again because i am really confused about her.
But hey ho....day 4 is now done...onto day 5! :) |
I am comforted by what I'm reading,
your focus is on you. You said you're concentrating on yourself. You've taken
actions in your life to improve it and enjoy it, by going out. You've taken her out of your constant thoughts and put her into the occasional "wondering what's going to happen" box. That sounds promising.
If I understand your thinking (please correct me if I am wrong), you are hoping that divorce papers will give her a "kick in ass of reality". I'm tempted to agree with you.
I mean if she doesn't think you're serious, and that's why she doesn't bother to talk to you before Friday. Then being served those papers, might just be the slice of reality she needs. If she doesn't even respond to that, then surely either she doesn't have the capacity to understand what she's losing or she doesn't feel this marriage is right for her anymore. Is there some other possible reason for her not responding to save something that should mean a great deal to her?