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| No we havent sought councelling because she wouldnt speak to me about how she was feeling so there is no way she would speak to someone else. I have suggested it in the past but nothing ever came of it. But you are exactly right, there has been no effort from her part in the slightest. From what i can gather she has waited until someone showed her some attention and then decided to end it with me...its what she did the last time. |
I remembered this about her views and counselling (when we last discussed it), I just hoped, somehow, she'd change her mind. Communicating our problems to someone who is trained to listen and help (even untrained and cares like friends is often useful!) is IMHO one of the best ways to get over the hurdles in life. No-one knows everything, we all need to learn and grow to get through everything and improve.
If she won't let anyone help her do that then is she stuck and are you willing to be stuck with her? Quote:
Nothing gets past you does it?  But I probably did word that wrongly. I wasnt too keen on the idea of marriage in the first place, but since becoming married I have realised that it is the bond that should keep married couples together. It is what should make couples want to fight to stay together. But i should have typed "the love of my life" because thats exactly what she is. |
I try not to miss significant things in the language of people. Unfortunately most of our communication is by body language and then by voice, so some of my skills are rendered null by the fact that we type! I just try to do the best I can and hope I'm helpful in some way...
IMHO that's right, marriage isn't a magic bit of paper. It should be "the bond" that keeps people together, marriage or no. If you say she is the love of your life, then I'd like to add to that statement "thus far".
You don't know who you might meet and how many different ways they might touch your heart, mind, body and soul. So I'd say,
she's only the love of your life, thus far. Quote:
| Exactly what the idea of the divorce papers is all about. The only problem is that I will be going down the DIY divorce route since we havent actually lived together for the past 2 years so there is no need for any input in it from her. This is what scares me. The first she will know about it is when she is notified by the court that she is now divorced. So I will need to let her know that I have actually signed the papers, paid my money and started the proceedings. I would have hoped that the threat of it may have kicked her into action....but not thus far. |
Then my advice would be to copy your signed papers and paid receipt and staple them together and send them to her with whatever the US equivalent of "signature required" mail is! Then at the end she has no excuses.
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| If there is then i dont know what it is. Other than the fact she "thinks" she can do better than me. Or else the thinking in her head is that she can't provide me with a family (she STILL hasnt been to get tested), and doesnt want to stop me from having one. But this is of course only speculation. My truth rather than THE truth. Only she knows the truth. |
From my POV the thing here is,
what can you do about her thinking that? I mean she's thought she can "do better" than you, before and possibly she thinks it now.
Maybe she just doesn't have the capacity (at this point in her life)
to realise what she's about to lose.
The whole thing about providing a family may or may not be a driving force or factor, but again
what can you do about her thinking that way? In both cases IMHO it's not down to you, it's down to her, all you can do, is do what's right for you, in the given circumstances. Quote:
| I'm trying not to dwell on it, but i can guarantee that come Thursday night i'll be a quivering mess with worry. I had expected her to be in touch before now and she hasnt...so I guess once again...Actions speak louder than words.
I really dont want to get divorced from her... |
You don't want to get divorced, but what are your other options here? Is there any avenue unexplored that you could take? Believe me, I'd be telling you now, if I could see one..
Ah, yes, those classics, "actions speak louder than words" or as Decartes used to say "To know what people really think, pay regard to what they do, rather than what they say." Descartes
Well here's another, by another great man "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher and that is a good thing for any man." Socrates