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| Communicating our problems to someone who is trained to listen and help (even untrained and cares like friends is often useful!) is IMHO one of the best ways to get over the hurdles in life. No-one knows everything, we all need to learn and grow to get through everything and improve. |
Thank you for that paragraph. If I ever write the letter that I keep meaning to, I will be including most of that in it to try and convince her to speak to someone on her own, because as far as I can tell she STILL hasnt spoken to anyone about this because she knows they will all take my side and try and make her see sense.
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| If she won't let anyone help her do that then is she stuck and are you willing to be stuck with her? |
Sadly yes. I am resigned to being in "unconditional love" with her. Even now i would take her back, even after breaking my heart for the second time.
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IMHO that's right, marriage isn't a magic bit of paper. It should be "the bond" that keeps people together, marriage or no. If you say she is the love of your life, then I'd like to add to that statement "thus far". You don't know who you might meet and how many different ways they might touch your heart, mind, body and soul. So I'd say, she's only the love of your life, thus far. |
Thank you for that, but I do still believe that she is "the one". For all her faults, and yes there are a few as I dont class her as perfect, I havent met anyone who I would even think about starting a relationship with over the past 11 years I have been with my wife, never mind marrying any of them. true I havent been in a relationship with anyone else, and I have been "out of the game" during that time, but I do believe that we were meant to be together. Deluded? Maybe.
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Then my advice would be to copy your signed papers and paid receipt and staple them together and send them to her with whatever the US equivalent of "signature required" mail is! Then at the end she has no excuses.
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I'm in the UK like you Tigger! I guess you hadn't heard of the DIY Divorce? I hadn't either until i looked up the process!
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From my POV the thing here is, what can you do about her thinking that? I mean she's thought she can "do better" than you, before and possibly she thinks it now. Maybe she just doesn't have the capacity (at this point in her life) to realise what she's about to lose.
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Thats exactly it. Or at least she doesnt want to admit to herself let alone anyone else that she realises what she is about to lose. I have pointed it out to her twice though that she wont find another me since we split up.
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You don't want to get divorced, but what are your other options here? Is there any avenue unexplored that you could take? Believe me, I'd be telling you now, if I could see one..
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I honestly dont know. Other than just leave it...and if one of us wants to get married to someone else in the future then we go through with it then. That however I think would just be prolonging things. But again...we dont know whats goign to happen in the future so I dont want to rush into things either. What if I go through with it, the divorce comes through in 8 weeks and then 6 months down the line she realises what she has lost?
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Well here's another, by another great man "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher and that is a good thing for any man." Socrates
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I'm loving that! Made me chuckle! Thank you!
And can I just go back to:
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Did you expect to hear anything? Is she the stubborn type? Would she "cut off her nose to spite her face?
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yes I did expect to have heard something! No-one can believe that i havent! And yes she is the stubborn type and would more likely cut off her nose to spite her face...but i didnt think to this extent where she would pretty much distance herself from me completely and have no communication when the threat of divorce is there...
Thanks for all your help Tigger! As usual speaking to someone, especially a trained professional like yourself is helping! :) How do I book a session?
