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| Thank you for that paragraph. If I ever write the letter that I keep meaning to, I will be including most of that in it to try and convince her to speak to someone on her own, because as far as I can tell she STILL hasnt spoken to anyone about this because she knows they will all take my side and try and make her see sense. |
Then is that the route to go? If she's in need and can't see the way can you lead her, or get someone else to? Is there ANYONE she would trust to talk to? Can you get her friends or family to do an "intervention"?
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| Sadly yes. I am resigned to being in "unconditional love" with her. Even now i would take her back, even after breaking my heart for the second time. |
You see now IMHO that will end up getting you in trouble...believe me I know...
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| Thank you for that, but I do still believe that she is "the one". For all her faults, and yes there are a few as I dont class her as perfect, I havent met anyone who I would even think about starting a relationship with over the past 11 years I have been with my wife, never mind marrying any of them. true I havent been in a relationship with anyone else, and I have been "out of the game" during that time, but I do believe that we were meant to be together. Deluded? Maybe. |
No, I don't think you are deluded. You are in love. *sigh* and unfortunately that means only you will know when
enough is enough! I don't think it's that point for you yet...
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| I'm in the UK like you Tigger! I guess you hadn't heard of the DIY Divorce? I hadn't either until i looked up the process! |
Sorry, I should have asked, no I've never heard of that. Mostly because, once people decide that, I'm out of the loop, they've stopped trying to resolve anything and decided to cut their losses.
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| Thats exactly it. Or at least she doesnt want to admit to herself let alone anyone else that she realises what she is about to lose. I have pointed it out to her twice though that she wont find another me since we split up. |
What concerns me is that you have to point it out! Is she trying to hurt herself? Could this attempt at pushing you away have something to do with her believing she's not worthy of you?
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| I honestly dont know. Other than just leave it...and if one of us wants to get married to someone else in the future then we go through with it then. That however I think would just be prolonging things. But again...we dont know whats goign to happen in the future so I dont want to rush into things either. What if I go through with it, the divorce comes through in 8 weeks and then 6 months down the line she realises what she has lost? |
Hmm...I'm not usually an advocate of deception, however I am wondering if you could get all the relevant papers and make it "look like" you have signed and done all the work and then send copies to her? Would that possibly achieve what you are looking for, without the actual process? Also, in reply to your question, so you get divorced and she realises her mistake in 6 months, what stops you from getting married again (after her sorting out her issues and building up the trust again)?
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| yes I did expect to have heard something! No-one can believe that i havent! And yes she is the stubborn type and would more likely cut off her nose to spite her face...but i didnt think to this extent where she would pretty much distance herself from me completely and have no communication when the threat of divorce is there... |
Maybe she doesn't think you're serious...or maybe she wants to hurt herself...or maybe she's just afraid... I can't tell without talking to her and even then it's a process of understanding, empathy, deduction, analysis and elimination. Hey, you're in the UK, where are you?! That's it, I'm coming to talk some sense into this women!
(that's a genuine offer if you think she would...or if you can get her locked in a room with me...
)
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Thanks for all your help Tigger! As usual speaking to someone, especially a trained professional like yourself is helping! :) How do I book a session?  |
I'm glad you think I've been helpful, I wish I could feel I was being. As for the session...well maybe if we could get her talking. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
Furthermore, sorry about all the questions. You seem pretty committed to making her see sense and I'm keen to assist you in anyway I can (she does appear to need help); I just hope it's not a lost cause...lets think about it and see if we can think of way...or if any of the ways I've recommended are an option then lets try them, as I'd suggest you have nothing to lose.
Does anyone in her friends/family think this is a good idea? Is someone "on her side"? You said she's living with her parents, what is their view?