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| Then is that the route to go? If she's in need and can't see the way can you lead her, or get someone else to? Is there ANYONE she would trust to talk to? Can you get her friends or family to do an "intervention"? |
She wont let me lead her, and from what i can gather the only person who may be leading her is her "male friend". I have only one option as far as getting someone to speak to her but its not really a viable option. Its her friend from years ago who talked sense into her last time, but she has just had a baby who AFAIK is still in hospital. She wont talk to her friends and family because she knows they will all take my side.
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You see now IMHO that will end up getting you in trouble...believe me I know...
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I know it would, but thats the way i feel! Obviously i would only take her back once a good few changes were made!
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No, I don't think you are deluded. You are in love. *sigh* and unfortunately that means only you will know when enough is enough! I don't think it's that point for you yet...
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Nope its not that time yet. And at the moment i dont feel as though that time will come. yes I feel better within myself, and I'm not thinking about her all the time, but everything, and I mean everything reminds me of her or something we have done together. I know this will fade in time, but the constant reminders dont help!
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What concerns me is that you have to point it out! Is she trying to hurt herself? Could this attempt at pushing you away have something to do with her believing she's not worthy of you?
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I laughed when I read this last night because you could quite possibly be right! Could she think she isnt deserving of me? I guess only she could answer that one...if she would ever talk to someone about this!
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Hmm...I'm not usually an advocate of deception, however I am wondering if you could get all the relevant papers and make it "look like" you have signed and done all the work and then send copies to her? Would that possibly achieve what you are looking for, without the actual process? Also, in reply to your question, so you get divorced and she realises her mistake in 6 months, what stops you from getting married again (after her sorting out her issues and building up the trust again)?
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Its a possibility. But as you said, there is nothing to stop us getting married again, it just seems like a real financial waste, especially since it was both sets of parents who paid for the whole wedding!
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Maybe she doesn't think you're serious...or maybe she wants to hurt herself...or maybe she's just afraid... I can't tell without talking to her and even then it's a process of understanding, empathy, deduction, analysis and elimination. Hey, you're in the UK, where are you?! That's it, I'm coming to talk some sense into this women!  (that's a genuine offer if you think she would...or if you can get her locked in a room with me... )
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If I could get her to talk to you I would, but at the moment she doesnt think she has a problem. In much the same way she said the same thing 2 years ago. Right now she is lying to everyone including herself about whats going on and what she is thinking so its only a matter of time until she realises what she has lost...again! I would love it so much if you could speak to her as you make so much sense to me!
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I'm glad you think I've been helpful, I wish I could feel I was being. As for the session...well maybe if we could get her talking. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
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You have been helpful, and thank you once again! You could try talking to her but there is no way in hell I could set that up so she wouldnt go on the defensive straight away like she does with me!
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Furthermore, sorry about all the questions. You seem pretty committed to making her see sense and I'm keen to assist you in anyway I can (she does appear to need help); I just hope it's not a lost cause...lets think about it and see if we can think of way...or if any of the ways I've recommended are an option then lets try them, as I'd suggest you have nothing to lose.  |
yes I am commited because I know she is doing the exact same thing as she did 2 years ago! She is stressed at work, obviously having doubts about "us", and so she has started txting someone else behind my back, grown feelings for him...and then ended it with me in such a way as to try and not make her out to be the bad one again! Unfortunately for her she has been caught out again! As we know the first step would be to try and make her talk but she just wont do that, especially not if I suggest it as she is adamant she doesnt need to, despite telling me 6 months ago that she needed to speak to a professional!
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Does anyone in her friends/family think this is a good idea? Is someone "on her side"? You said she's living with her parents, what is their view?
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Her mum is on my side and can see what she is doing to me. She knows what a fool she is making of herself again. Her dad may think that but just lets her get on with whatever she wants to do because its his wee girl! Our sister-in-law is firmly on my side as well, so I am assuming that her brother is as well. I had thought her work friends that she goes out with werent helping but after meeting them and chatting to them in the pub tonight, she doesnt seem to be doing much talking to them either. I am just loath to trust them because they are partly to blame for her going out so much (they are all single).
So basically I dont know of anyone who thinks it is a good idea, except her, and probably her "male friend". Deja Vu of 2 years ago right enough...