Ongoing issues

[bewanchuk]

Hey,

Well being that my dad is on a nice steady recovery, (frick he is even doing income tax ironically )I thought I'd just write about what has happened with my ex and the forum's opinion on how I should be interpreting her actions etc.. (cough cough, NC). Any who, being that was my dad was sick I was communicating with him through MSN Messanger. On the day of his surgery I left a status update saying that I was thinking about him and that the surgery would go well. I've been doing NC from my ex for a while, and she did respond to it saying what was going on etc.. I was out at the time and left my msn running where she did respond.

When I got home, I did decided to respond (big no no ) and told her that he did have a brain tumor etc.. and that things were quite tough for myself and my family. Eventually, from the next day the conversation turned into a 3hr skype webcam only because I said I wouldn't discuss it through MSN. The conversation that went all over the place in regard to my dad, and some feeling both of us still have for each other. All of that was ok, but what I still don't understand is that so now that this issue with my dad is fading away it's like she can cut me out again. I feel ashamed to have told herwhat was going on in my family, knowing that once everything is gravy she can go back to ignoring me. More than anything, I am angered that I do tel her such personal details about my family and what I get in return about her own family is nothing or that I would have to pry if I was interested. I was more happy with myself when I did no contact, being as I didn't try analyze her itentions but I just focused on myself.

As always, I am disappoined from what I see in regard to her and as my friends say and myself actions speak greater than words. Just wondering on your guys opinion, as the contact has been broken for a bit but being as it seems she can dissapear in and then reappear just frankly pisses me off. She keeps doing these offline msgs with me, and I always will get as usual a delay or just a 1 word reply when I could write paragraphs. One thing I wish I could have asked her, is that if I did not set my status towards my dad if she would have contacted me at all. She's never once been there for me after anything hard I've faced since the breakup, and just being there because of my dad really leaves me in confusion. More than anything I think what set this off today is I always have responded to her msgs. I left her a message on haloween, and as usual no response back. Today I rather can turn on facebook after my studying, see that she has the time to change her facbook picture and go online with a busy status on msn and as usual say nothing to me.

Phew, I was holding that in for a while and my head feels soo much less piled up. always just think of these things, becasue I have been so nice for the siutation which I was left in regard to dealing with he long distance. I've always been so over-nice and accommodating, because I still do care about her but it's always leaves me getting my brain and heart confused More than anything it's just a rant, and I'm only writing becasue finally the more important things like my family are taken care of and finally doing well but this always bothers me because I've made huge triumphs in overcoming my broken heart and every time contact seems to be initiated it just leaves me with a ****ty feeling.

Thanks again for anyone that takes the time to read this, and as always I look forward to your responses/feedback (there's a )

Thanks,

Braden

[Dan72]

Hi Braden,

Glad your Dad is doing well

As much as I am sure your ex was concerned for your Father, I am sure there was also a huge amount of her feeling obligated to be in contact with you over it. If she didn't, she would probaby feel like a complete bitch. Even though I know you say you left MSN on with the status message for your Dad,....I think if you look inside yourself, there was also part of you that wanted her to contact you over it. As we've said before, that's normal, so don't worry about that! However, it also explains your anger now about it. I'm sure you expected some kind of ongoing contact, with her doing the initiating. You don't have to admit that here on forum, but something perhaps to reflect on internally. We all do these things mate, and all try to kid ourselves they are for the right reasons. I honestly don't think we even realise why we truly do them until much later.

I guess the key here is not to beat yourself up over it, but learn the lesson. You don't deserve to be ignored and kicked to the kerb for one more moment, so don't allow her to do that to you. Don't even give her to opportunity. I hung on to all kinds of hope for far too long with my ex. You know, the hardest but most productive part of my healing was to delete her from MSN, Facebook, my phone. It wasn't easy at all, but it stopped me worrying about what I saw etc. If you don't want to lose all her details, put them all in an email to yourself and then file that email away in a folder. That's what I did, and I've never looked back. I had over 500 texts from her stored on my phone, I think it took me 5 months or so to delete them but BOYYYYY did it feel good to let go of all that crap. Remove all reminders of her, you don't need them to keep pulling you down. How do they help? If she has a change of heart and wants you back, she'll get hold of you, you don't need to hang on secretly waiting. All that does is delay your healing. Get on with what YOU need now mate. This is YOUR time, it's all about you now. NC is extremely powerful if you allow it to work it's magic. As you've already experienced, contact takes you back several steps every time, so take that control back and do not allow the contact in ANY form, and that includes MSN, Facebook. If she is on your list, it's just too tempting to look. You're only hurting yourself. Delete her and free your heart from this burden.

[bewanchuk]

Man thanks for that reply. Holy **** (language) I needed a huge wakeup call last night. I think I wasn't thinking straight being that my dad was sick, as as you said deep down I did want something. However, when everything clears up I see everything that made me want to do NC to begin. I swear I regret it so much, but I did learn. Back to No contact, boy oh boy I hope they are doing those 30 day challenges.



Big thanks again though Dan, you've replied to me so many times and I always need that extra bit of encouragement. Man I'd rather go to the gym and workout to the point to where I can't move than analyze relationship issues. It's just not worth it anymore, and I wanna worry about myself from now on.


Thanks again Dan!!!!

[LizardKing]

Hey bro sorry you are going through this. NC is the way to go. I have been going through pretty much the same situation with my x. NC is deficullt espcially when they try and reach out to you.. just for a check up. They want to make sure you will still be there waiting if they decide to come back to you. GLad that your father is doing well. Family is the most important thing.

Stick to your guns you will feel some much better with time. In truth her actions is what you have to go by. Words are just that words. Its hard when you love someone and truly care about the person and all they do is take advantage of the situaiton. You know whats right you know what you have to do. Take care and good luck!

[Dan72]

You are very welcome my friend, that is what I am here for If even one of my posts helps someone deal with the kind of pain I went through, it's an absolute pleasure.

Stay strong, look forward and know that you WILL get through this mate, you truly will.

[thatdoggirl]

Sorry that my reply is going to be short. I read this post earlier and I have to run off to a class at my church but I must say that NC is the best thing for you. As long as you keep talking to her it's going to set you back. You know what you need to do and I'm proud of you for knowing. Go with what you know... you know if she cared about you more her actions would have been different but they aren't so stick with what you do know and keep loving yourself and your family and friends.