need some opinions on this

[Cityboy88]

I have to admit, not talking to the ex has been good, remove the problem, remove the pain so to speak. I have a memory box where I keep keepsakes. I like to save things like that. I was looking through it and I see have this girl's notebook / diary of all her thoughts, ideas, poems, ect. Now.. I was going to throw it out, but then I stopped myself and felt kinda bad doing it. I know it was important to her, and she always wanted me to have it. I tried giving it back and she refused a while back. Now... I dont want this anymore. I have to let go , of everything, including things like this, but I also dont want to throw it out. So instead of arranging a meet with this girl ,I thought I'd send it in a letter. This a good idea? I really dont want to just toss this away.


I was writing a rough draft to this letter.


Her-
I found this notebook while cleaning the other day. I don't know if its still important to you, but since I'm not sure, i'd thought I'd send it back just incase. This doesn't belong in my hands anymore. Its missing some pages since the years its been with me, but I think it has enough left worth it to send back, maybe for your memory box, if you still have it. Thank you for it, I enjoyed reading your thoughts, ideas, and poems.


Good luck
My name

Its been over a month since we have spoken. This is the first time I have ever truly truly tried to move on totally, to the point of putting all the pictures in a box, and every single thing that reminds me fof her out of sight. Its its still a bit of a roller coaster. I tried to put a warm tone to it, as to not seem like an ahole for returning this, but to the point. i dont know how well of a job I did on this. Suggestions, comments? Should i do this? I really just dont want this thing anymore because if i have it, ill be tempted to read it and think. Some of its contents writes how she felt when she was in love/ falling in love with me blah blah blah. Along with my of her songs, ideas, ect. But I also dont want it to go into the garbage. Not sure what to do here.


The plan was no call or text or anything. just this simple letter and the little notebook in an envelope. So no open door of me getting hurt.

Whats the suggestions on this? I need to rid myself of this thing though

[myfavoriteword]

Hey city, i think it's great that you're trying to get rid of everything that reminds you of her, but i don't think sending it to her in a letter would be a good idea. i may be wrong, but it seems like the journal has more sentimental value to you than it does to her. i guess it is a nice gesture for you to want to return it to her, but i still consider this a form of communication that you shouldn't be making. sending her something so personal seems like you're still trying to reach out to her, you know? when my ex and i broke up the last 2 times, i didn't want to get rid of the mementos from our relationship either, so i gave everything to two of my friends each time. they still have all of the remnants of my relationship with him stored away somewhere so that i can reflect back on them when i am finally over it, but i can't access it now. i think you should consider giving everything to one of your friends or maybe your parents to hold on to for now if they are too hard to get rid of completely, but please think carefully about giving them back to her... i may be completely off with this, but (and you don't have to give me an answer to this) really think about if you are in any way - consciously or subconsciously - trying to strike a chord with her by giving her something that will remind her of how things used to be. if that's the case to even the smallest degree, i think you are setting yourself up for disappointment. but i may be getting ahead of myself there, because i don't know what your intentions are.

either way, i would reconsider giving it back to her!!

be happy

[Cityboy88]

well, the thing is, I know I can not be with her again. I know this. And I'll admit, it hurts for me to know that i cant. For the simple fact that I cant see her the same anymore. Shes been with like 14 guys since me, I dont see her as a pure sweet heart like I used to. Like the girl i fell in love with. The notebook , I do not want to give it away. I want to hold onto it. But this is more about what I NEED to do, not what i want to do. I need to rid myself of this thing. In it, shes such a sweet girl. When I read the pages, she talks of not partying all the time, not having sex with just anyone ,ect. She does the very thing now tho. I need to let this go, along with everything else. This is a big thing for me though. Ive treasured this book for a long time,like.. her mind with me. I need to let it go. But again, I see it as too valuable to me to just throw it off a bridge. its traveled with me for thousands of miles on airplanes. I figure maybe its best it ends up in the very place it started. know what i mean?

[thatdoggirl]

She already said that she didn't want it so I don't see any point in giving it back to her. That would only be some sort of attempt at communication. If itwas valuable to her she'd be asking for it but she's not. In the end it is just material. She knows what her past thoughts were so she doesn't need it.

If you don't need it then there is not really a reason to hold onto it. It's just another reminder of the past and enough of that is in your mind. By the time you reach the point of moving on none of the materials will hold power over you and you won't need them. Memory will be good enough.

[OhManINeedCoffee]

I have to agree with Niki and Jess here, City. Sending it back to her sounds like something you would be doing just to get a certain reaction from her more than it is an altruistic act of "returning things to where they started." If she didn't want it, then there's no need for you to send it back to her. Period.

Forget about all the guys she's been with since she left you. You seem to feel as though this was a betrayal of some sort. The fact is, she was not still with you when she started seeing other people, and it's really none of your business. I assume you two had sex while you were together, so it's hard for me to imagine that she was EVER a "pure sweetheart" at all. I think you've constructed that image of her on your own accord, City, and you're disappointed and at times you seem furious that she hasn't lived up to that image. She's human. Humans have sex. Whether they want to have sex with many partners or only a select few is up to them. Your harsh judgment of her affects only you. Let it go.

[Cityboy88]

Ok, i guess ill find somewhere to store this thing .. umm the reason it bothered me is she'd tell me oh i love love and I miss you, then be in a guys pants the next day. Like.. Wtf you know? I feel very played because of that, yes. But what ever gotta move on.

[OhManINeedCoffee]

Well, keep in mind, City, that this girl isn't exactly the pinnacle of stability or maturity. She wanted male attention, and she'd get it wherever she could. It sucks, but what can you do about it now?

Either put the diary away or get rid of it. You don't need it anymore.

[Cityboy88]

yeah. I will . You know how it is, you want to believe the words someone you love tells you. Only to find out they are totally false, or empty, and your played. its a not a good feeling. But theres nothing I can do, but i can control me . I can not talk to her and remove it that way. I do admit though its kinda funny the call a little over a month without fail . I enjoyed the opportunity to ignore that and take power. We have never gone more then a month of nc. Seems she either really cares that I'm alive. OR again, its just a hook to make sure I havent forgotten about her. I guess THIS will change that,. I will change that.

[Dan72]

Sorry I'm late on this, but it seems the lovely ladies have it covered

Completely agree that sending back is subconsciously trying to get a reaction from her. As Jess said, she already said she didn't want it back. My advice would be this, don't give it back but think twice about throwing it away too. Here's why. She was your first love, and regardless of how you're feeling now, at some point you WILL be completely over her, leaving only fond memories of what you once shared. From experience of my first love, I kept everything she ever gave me (boxes and boxes of cards and letters), but packed them all up and out of sight. This was over 10 years ago, and occasionally I come across them and smile at how in love we were. No pain, no regrets, just fond memories. It is, of course, your choice, but in my opinion, the only thing you absolutely shouldn't do is send it back to her.

[Cityboy88]

thx guys for the responses. Dan if you dont mind we asking, how was ur first love experience, What happened?

[Dan72]

Long ass story so I'll try to summarise:

She won a local beauty competition, I saw her in the local paper and BAM, fell for her right at that moment. Spent a month writing anonymous love letters and poems to her (yes, yes I know but I was young!), until finally I plucked up the courage to speak to her. We met, serious chemisty, clicked and were together 4 years.

She was utterly gorgeous, a straight A student and the most incredible woman I've ever known. The first 3.5 years were amazing, but ultimately we were too young. She was going off to university, I was advancing fast in my career and we both needed to experience more of life, other people, other things. She cheated, I cheated, I think even though we loved each other, our age and immaturity prevented us progressing. We haven't spoken since we broke up, but I know she now works as a top lawyer up north somewhere. She will always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me.

[Cityboy88]

sounds like in a way you still have some love for her. If she were to get back intouch with you now, after all that and you both are more mature, would you give it another chance?

[Dan72]

Part of me will always love her, but it's really nowhere near the same thing. I love what we shared, and will always cherish our time together. Who knows what would happen if we met again, but it's not something I crave at all. I rarely think about her, but when I do, it's just out of fondness. The strange thing is that it would not bother me in the slightest if we never saw each other again, but it doesn't stop the memories of my first love.

[Cityboy88]

thats really nice man. I wish i had that sort of thing with my first love. THe break up was so bad. It never happened because I didnt want to let go, and well. she never did. It wasnt a clean break at all. Even to this day she still is after me to torment me. Always checking on me and worst of all. The monthy call and text to make SURE i dont forget her and I stay in the toy box. If it was a clean break, I think I'd be where you are. I'm pretty sure she is beginning to wonder alot tho, Im guilty of checking my tracker out of curiousity. alot of hits lately. I have to admit, its nice to see it has some effect, altho the overall picture is I see things more for how they are, not some love filled picture, I want to move on, and I want to meet more woman and enjoy my life. Ive had too much days filled with pain. But yeah, I do like to see nc has some effect on her . I dont know why though. Reminds me I do have some power besides the huge power I have with my own self control of my life.

On a side note. I do fly planes and one of my friends told me its kinda mean to totally drop off the face off the earth and for her to not know if im alive or dead. ( alot of plane crashes this year) But I have to remind myself, I did nothing wrong, and she doesnt deserve to know. I'm right in this... right?



You know, its kinda sad to me, I never thought Id be so happy without that girl. Why does that kinda make me sad I wonder...?

[Dan72]

Bear in mind that my first love was over 10 years ago! It wasn't recent by any stretch of the imagination. If I remember details about my breakup, it was no picnic either. Yet time gives you perspective and it's easier to remember the great stuff and push out the bad.

Block her number from your phone if you can, block every possible avenue for her to contact you. TAKE THE CONTROL BACK.

Originally Posted by Cityboy88

On a side note. I do fly planes and one of my friends told me its kinda mean to totally drop off the face off the earth and for her to not know if im alive or dead. ( alot of plane crashes this year) But I have to remind myself, I did nothing wrong, and she doesnt deserve to know. I'm right in this... right?

Let me ask you this, if you 'dropped off the face of the earth' because you hadn't spoken to some work colleague for a few months, would you take the time to let them know you were ok? Of course not! You need to treat her the same way,....with indifference. It shouldn't matter what she knows or doesn't know because she is no longer part of your world,... HER choice. You get on with your life and don't even think twice about what is the best thing to do FOR HER. This is about you now, remember that