letting the right one get away?

[gracerules2007]

Do you believe it's really possible to let the right person get away? Can we go against fate? Let's say I meet my soulmate tomorrow and she has everything I'm looking for but I just decide for some stupid reason that I'm not ready to be in a relationship?

One of my uncles might be commitment-phobic I don't know. But recently he told me the story about how he dated this girl about 25 years ago.

They were together for 3 years. She wanted to get married and he told her he wasn't ready because he wanted to pursue a p.h.d degree first. So she broke it off.

Six months later he regret letting her go and so he tracked her down to tell her he made a mistake and that he wants to marry her. It was too late. She had already moved on with someone else.

Because my uncle told me this story many times I'm getting the vibe that he regrets letting her go even today. It sounds like he thinks about her often. This is probably why he hasn't dated anyone in the last 25 years. He is a college professor and lives alone.

So is my uncle's case an exception and not the rule? Or is it just as common to let the right person get away as it is to stay with the wrong person for life?

How much free will do you think we have when it comes to passing up opportunities to meet the people who are right matches for us?

[Loveless]

Depends entirely on whether or not you believe in predestination really. I'm an existentialist so I believe that I alone create my destiny. With that thought in mind, its hard to imagine that a planet with a population of over 6 billion only has one soulmate for everyone. I believe that I am compatible with at least a few of those 3,000,000 females living alongside me.

If the right person got away, how could they have ever been the right person?

[Frangipani]

Yeah, I always think 'if it didn't happen, my life wasn't meant to take that path'. The more I have adapted this attitude, calmer my life seems to be.

Your uncle didn't want to settle down at the time. That was a decision he made himself. I have had many relationships that at the time I thought 'were forever', but now I know they were not right for me. The person I am with now is more suited to me than ANY of them.

I think what happens too is that some people focus on this one person that they missed out on being with (or maybe who passed away) for years and years and they never think anyone could be better. And like your uncle, I mean really, it may not have worked out if they HAD stayed together either. People become afraid to try again, to move on and convince themselves that these people were 'the love of their lives' when in fact there are MANY people that are right for us out there.

If they are the right person you will be together. We have free will.

[gracerules2007]

I'm predicting that in about 10 years the tables will turn for me. I'll want to get married and have children and most of the women I'll come in contact with by then will not be looking for a commitment.

Then I'll be posting on this board 10 years later saying that I want to get married but most of the women are either taken or they don't want to commit to me.

Then all the experts on here will say "You reap what you sow. In the past you had women who wanted to commit to you but you weren't ready. Now it's your turn to feel the way they felt at the time you didn't want to commit to them."

Granted I'll be in good health and be financially well beyond my means. I'll have enough money to travel and enjoy my life. I'll have economic freedom but nobody to enjoy that freedom with. Right now I'm sacrificing relationships to gain more economic freedom.

Economic freedom is the top priority for me especially since gasoline is going past 4$ a gallon next month. Hmmm. These high gas prices are putting a strain on long distance relationships. The economy effects everything including relationships.

The number 1 cause of breakups and divorce is money problems not lack of sexual intimacy problems.

[Frangipani]

Meh, I'm 39 and don't want kids and you'd be amazed at the amount of men that still do at my age. More and more women are choosing to have children at an older age now anyway, so if you change your mind there are people out there.

Don't worry about the women in the past that you couldn't commit to. If it didn't happen, that's life. Someone more suited will come along :)

[Darryl2312]

PMA - Positive Mental Attitude.

You create your own destiny but granted there are certain people in life that you are just meant to meet for whatever reason.

No one knows what the future holds, we just have to keep the faith that things are running how they should be.

If its meant to be it will, its that simple.

[Latina Heat]

I do not believe that there is a plan for our lives. I believe we all make our own destiny. I believe that God created man and put us on this Earth but he doesn't know what's going to happen to all of us. God doesn't make everything in our life happen for us. He put us on this Earth and watches us live our lives just like a mother watches her child grow up and make their own decisions and create their own story. I do believe that God will step in every so often and help someone who really needs it but I don't believe that God has made a plan for all of our lives and we just live it out.

This helps me when I see a woman have a miscarriage or when a mother gives birth to a stillborn baby or parents lose their child due to SIDS or people who never smoked a day in their life get lung cancer or when the truly good people in this world get sick and suffer and die terrible deaths or when murderers torture and kill people. God is a loving and merciful God, he wouldn't make out these plans for all these horrible things to happen to people. Our lives are just that, OURS! We go through it and God watches over and helps when he can and is there for us in the end to welcome us into the arms of heaven if we are worthy. I also don't believe in hell, I believe that the people who are not worthy of God's grace and entering the loving realm of Heaven walk this Earth eternally. Maybe they get a second chance to truly be remorseful in their actions which lead them to not have a place in heaven. I just recently had 2 friends whose newborn babies dies from SIDS in their sleep, one was 2 months old and the other 4 months old. I don't think God made this happen to them, why would he let these parents have a healthy pregnancy and give birth to healthy babies and get so attached just to take them away. In my mind he didn't, it's just the hand that life dealt them and God was there to welcome them into heaven.

So yea I went off on a tangent. Sorry. And please know that these are my opinions and I respect everyone else's opinion as well. I was just sharing, hope it didn't sound like preaching.

So back to the subject I believe that there is more than 1 right person out there for you and I believe you will find this person when you're not even looking for him/her. And I believe you might be happy with this person or they may enter and leave your life and make a permanent mark on it and change who you are and then you may meet that next person who is just right for you. I don't think you should dwell on the possibility of 1 person for you and that you may have already let them go. That next right person might just be around the corner and you're about to bump into them.

[SuperDave71]

I don't believe in "letting the right one get away" whatsoever...



If you were so "right" in the first place....why on earth would you accept something LESS than what you want or deserve? Why would someone leave that was so good in the relationship?

What would keep you both apart? The only answer I can come up with is if BOTH PARTIES involved were NOT ON THE SAME LEVEL.

Never settle.



-SuperDave71

[gracerules2007]

Maybe I should test out this theory when I do meet the right person and come back on here and tell you all my experience.

Is it possible to let the right one get away? Hmmm. If I get the opportunity I'll test it out. Will I be able to resist the girl who is right for me?

As far as why someone would settle for less even when they knew they had better options? Answer: Insanity! Only a crazy person would intentionally reject the right person for them or reject several right people for them.

Or maybe someone who is self destructive would deliberately reject a good partner.

[SuperDave71]

Or maybe someone who is self destructive would deliberately reject a good partner.

I believe you JUST ANSWERED your own question.


Take care,

SuperDave71