It has taken me just over a year to confidently know that I am now officially healed from my breakup.After all my suffering I can undoubtedly say the single most important requirement of healing(after NC of course)is realising your ex for what they are.Let me explain.
As a dumpee I mourned and rued the end of our relationship.Afterall I loved her and was willing to put in whatever effort was required to make the relationship work.When she threw in her cards I saw myself putting her on this pedestal.To me this made her more attractive and unattainable and in turn made me want her more.I never broke NC but I suffered terribly,missing this wonderful woman who was just perfect.
After having a very bad night where I was depressed and in despair I asked God to give me release,to help me get past this woman.The next day I started thinking differently.I began to see the real ex,and not the fictional one my mind had made up and wanted back so badly.I started seeing the insecure,unconfident,selfish,needy person who demanded so much from me.I saw the woman who walked away each time she didn't get what she wanted in the relationship.The woman who had no self ego and who eventually succeeded in removing mine.
This woman left me a shell of myself.She destroyed my confidence,made me insecure,shattered my ego.No wonder it has taken me a year to come out of this.At times I really wondered if I was ever going to feel normal again.I am now happy to say that the grey cloud that hung over me has now lifted and the sun is beginning to shine brightly once more.
To others out there who had their ex walk away I say look deeply into your relationship and see them for what they really were.It is so easy to turn our ex's into gods/goddesses because we can no longer have them.I have absolutely no bad feelings towards my ex.In fact,instead of wanting what I can't have,I am now thankful that I am away from her.I actually feel sorry for her and I hope one day she realises just because she is insecure doesn't mean she has to take away other peoples personal comforts.I wish her well and hope she finds her own personal peace and contentment.I hope this helps those of you who think your ex's are irreplaceable.