"How do I move on with my life without having to give up on my ex?"
The fact is, you can't. Until you figure out what is best for you, ther can be no real change. Let's explore this shall we?
When a break-up occurs (taking a break is a break-up) the feelings are raw. There is usuallly someone left with the "where did that come from" feeling. You can't eat, you can't sleep, and all you can do is over romanticize about your ex and alllll the wonderful memories you had together. Of course, this is only YOUR side of what happened. People, including myself, tend to focus on the "my world is over" rather than thinking calmly about what just occured. I know it hurts. I know it makes your stomach turn over again and again.
The memories flash in your head and you cannot turn them off whatsoever. You tend to toss and turn praying the phone rings and it is your ex begging for you to come back. I have been here posting for over 2 years and I have NEVER read anyone posting a "My ex just called and begged me back" story.
A break-up is what it is. It is when one or two people choose not to remain in a relationship together no matter how long the time spent. Quite frankly..it hurts. It hurts alot. Going out with friends and asking a man /woman to dance with you but being rejected is bad enough...but when your LOVER rejects you, then it not only hurts...it is devestating.
Years ago, I felt as if I was glued to the floor. i couldn't move and my eyes flooded like they were about to fall out of my head. I was thinking "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!" yet I just sobbed to myself. What could I do? What could I say at that moment that would convince her to stay? Um....er...YOU COMPLETE ME??? No no no...that has been done before...er....YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING?" Nah...too cheesy..Um...er...."I'LL CHANGE?!?!?" Who am I fooling ?? You get my point? Gosh, I felt stupid.
For weeks I did nothing but think about her and who she might be seeing. What were they doing? Did she really like him? Did he like her? Did she think of me? Did she miss me? Everything I thought was "what if..." What if she wants me back...? What if he hurts her....? What if she knocks on my door at 2:00am...? I couldn't turn my head off. I was bombarded with useless thoughts and images that were making my life even more miserable than it was. I could hardly sleep or eat. I went across the street to BORDER'S book store and I asked an employee.."Excuse me, where is the Selp-Help section?" she said "Don't you think if I told you, it would be self-defeating?" :wink1: Ok ok ok ..seriously..I combed the shelves looking for an answer. I never found it.
I could never find a book entitled "How to positively win your ex back since you were a jerk" book. I found many with SIMILAR titles....but none with a QUICK answer. I wanted a "DO THIS..THEN THIS..and they will be back in NO TIME." Never found it. I wanted her back so badly.
Do you guys know what woke me up? It was when my own brother asked me "WHY do you want her back??" I would easily say, because I love her. He would then say "Why do you love her?" Well...we...used to ...and er...um....and well she love me....:eek: All I really knew was that I wanted her back. It was like I had a flat tire that I didn't fix but wanted to drive around town thinking it was going to be JUST FINE. YEAH RIIIIGHT!!!!!
My point is this, if you do not know the reason why, or what caused the break up, how do expect to fix it? We can get so upset when we do not get the results we want. We become children. When we do not get our way, we get upset. When we take off the poor pitiful me hat, and begin to see the light of day again, it is then and only then can we start to develope a plan of action if we truly want our ex back. If we just sit back and do nothing....what will prevail? NOTHING. The common mistakes happen when we try to rush a cure rather than diagnose the problem. We call, we email, we text, we send smoke signals, we talk to their friends....EGAD!!! The list can go on and on.
Self improvement starts with yourself. For an example, if people called me overweight and I though I was over-weight and did nothing about it...would I still be overweight? It has to do with your way of thinking.
If you are one of the tough ones that you feel that you did nothing for this breakup to occur then you are probably right....YOU DID NOTHING SO THEY LEFT! In my opinion, there is always room for improvement. Listen to what the other person is saying, feeling, acting like. Open your eyes, and mouth. It's all about communication. If you don't like something, say so. Be tactful..but let it be known. Many want to blame others before looking at themselves in the mirror.
TOO Many people out there want to blame....they want to find someone to PIN everything on. Well thank you for wasting time.....BLAME SOLVES NOTHING....Finding out what the issue(s) are and fixing them are completely different. BLAMING is easy..but it solves NOTHING. When I was hurting, I didn't blame, I wanted her back but I still couldn't because I didn't know what the REAL issues were. When I sat down and took the time to analyze the problems and how I could improve ME..THAT was the what turned me around. I told myself that I could only improve me and not her. I had allllll the time in the world to work on me. When I let go of the idea of reconcilliation and started working on getting me back....then and only then was I able to become the person I am now. DON'T BLAME...FIX THE ISSUE WITH YOURSELF. This is the key for self improvement.
Even if you do not want you ex back, what harm can this do? Nothing.,..if we do not learn from our mistakes, then what do we really learn.