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dreambox67

Some men do not deserve our love

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How can a man say he loves you and you are his sould mate and then a few months later change his mind and move on. My ex boyfriend yesterday told me he did love me but now I am just a normal person to him. A few months ago he loved me completely and I was his soul mate. Some men do not deserve our love. My ex boyfriend definitely does not deserve my love. But it still hurts.
To all the men out there how can you change so drastically?

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  1. dkd's Avatar
    The same could be said for women too you know.

    When you are told things like the above you accept it.
    You (not you personally. I am being rhetorical) don't feel that there is anything wrong in the relationship because you don't feel as though you yourself have any sort of issues with attitude or behaviour that your partner does feel is an issue.

    I find that people in general are either their own worst critic or they praise themselves too much.
    It makes difficult for you to see what could be cause for a relationship breakdown.

    Take my partner for instance.
    At the moment there are some issues between us that are causing some problems and is slowly breaking down our relationship.
    I feel that she honestly doesn't see what her behaviour is doing to us and how it is slowly driving a wedge between us.
    In the meantime, I am doing neither one of us a favour by keeping quiet about it as I don't want to cause any upset.

    It could be that your ex may have felt that there was something about your behaviour or attitude that he didn't like.
    Maybe it has come up in a conversation or argument before and perhaps you may have dismissed it as a heat of the moment exchange.
    Maybe he thought he could work through it and handle what he probably saw as his problem without the need to discuss it.
    And it probably worked for him that way. For a while.
    These things are rarely an overnight change.

    Men generally say things in an argument, out of anger or frustration, that they wouldn't otherwise say to their partners because of the fear of causing pain.
    It's like releasing a pressure valve. Everything will flood out even though he probably meant to keep it in.

    Maybe his refusal to talk about it and your refusal to change is the reason for the break up.
    So perhaps what you see as a sudden, drastic change was probably something that took quite a long time.

    This pattern of behaviour and lack of communication which most men, myself included, are guilty of is what causes the downward spiral in a lot of relationship break ups.
    The first time that the partner who is dumped (for want of a better word) knows of a problem is when it's usually too late.
    Does this make it any less painful? No.
    But it does leave scope for BOTH parties to look within themselves and address issues that others see or feel.
    Isn't that what compromise and compatibility is all about?

    Maybe you should try and start a dialog.
    Either somewhere which is neutral to you both or over the phone.
    Maybe even ask him to write you letter to state his reasons for leaving.
    As long as you are honest, and ask him to be as blunt as he wants to be, then you will truly know why it has come to this.

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