No Contact best for everyone?

[Cityboy88]

I have posted my story a few posts below, this question is about no contact. Im not so sure this is right for everyone. I have tried this no contact thing with my ex and yet it seems to push her farther from me. We didnt talk in about 4 days and in that period of time she got more and more distant from me. It seems when its no contact its easier for her to let me go a little more. Out of mind out of sight sort of thing. Are we all sure this is the way to go i feel like im lessening my chances with her by doing it by the way she let me go more and more after i didnt answer her calls or her IMs.... any thoughts?

[suzie q]

hey there!

there is no one way to go about things that is right for everyone--I WISH! however, it has worked best for me. it's only been 12 days, but i feel really good. it has been a huge step in my healing--and i don't know if he's thinking about me, but i have become stronger and happier with my life in this short period of time.

like you, i do have that hope of us getting back together. it's not that easy to just stop thinking about someone if you had a serious, loving relationship--so i doubt that she has forgotten or you are assisting in helping her forget about you. in fact, i'd bet she is a little more intrigued with what you're doing when you aren't letting her in on every part of your life.

i haven't heard from my ex in this time frame and sometimes i do feel forgotten, but i remember how great i feel and those negative thoughts go away. besides, 12 days is hardly enough time for anything drastic to happen in his life--he needed space (in my situation) to think about himself and sort through his feelings--that will NOT happen in 12 days. i know it sounds strange, but i don't want him to come back right now. i'd love to hear from him, i won't lie, but i don't want him to try to get back together with me if he hasn't sorted himself out--that would just put us back into the same silly situation over again.

be patient. i promise, the first few days are the hardest, but you start realizing so much about yourself that you never knew! and i have been surprised to learn the things i've learned about me and i know you'll feel the same way if you take some time for you.

[Cityboy88]

funny thing is it seems reversed for us. SHE is the one you contacts me often not the other way around. Yet she says she doesnt "love me that way" anymore. I lost myself for a while and turned into something im not these past 6 or 7 months. Cold distance and mean at times. All the stress of being in flight school and away from home. She still keeps all our pictures up, still keeps me pretty close. Today we had a 4 hour conversation on the phone and she said it reminded her of good times. We spoke about what had happened to me, and how i wasnt ready for this step in my life which destroyed me. I asked her if she could go back in time would she and stop me from going, and she said she would and the feeling would still be there. She also said he wonders if when i come home she can stop herself from kissing me and is excited to go out to chilis with her sis and I for a good time. I dont know if she deep down still loves and isnt over me , and I dont know what are the chances of us getting back together. I wish i knew. By the way wouldnt it be really bad if our exes find these sites and read our posts? :)

[suzie q]

hahahha! well, my ex isn't into sitting on a computer. actually, i don't think he has one now! so i don't have to worry about it. but that would be reallllly strange!

well, she sounds really confusing, now doesn't she?! perhaps with all of the confusion you should just come out and ask her if she wants to be with you or not. i mean, i am confused by this lady and i don't know her ;).

[bustertypsy]

NC NC NC! It may **** her off,but it's not about her,it's about you.You are not doing NC to win her back,you are doing it to move on.
I know from your posts that you love her.She knows you love her too.That's why she thinks she has you in the palm of her hand.You have two choices.You can be strong and move forward and ignore her possessivness or you can let her control you,and be that proverbial puppet on a string.If you try to justify her actions,you are ignoring your true beliefs and allowing her to call the shots.

I think you are in denial by trying to justify why NC is not the way to go.I think it is the wrong approach.If you keep letting her tag you along you will learn that she is using you until she is strong enough to move on eventually.
I'm sorry if I appear frank,but I must say it the way I see it!

[Cityboy88]

yeah, i see both points. She is very confusing. Today we spoke on the phone for around a total of 5 hours. She in the beginning said she again just loves me as a friend blah blah blah, but then comes around and says stuff like im looking forward to seeing you when your home and I'm afraid i wont be able to restrain myself from kissing you. WOW? for the rest of the time we spoke about how we wish we could go back in time and change things and talking about how things could have been better and happened ect. we had alot of laughs and she says it reminded her of good times. I'm not sure if she loves and and is just confused or stringing me along. She also claims to never want to lose me and if she ever gets another boyfriend he has to deal with us being close or she will leave him. How can that work? if my girlfriend was hanging around with an ex she was with for a while and was intimate with i sure wouldnt like it ya kno? its just human nature in that way. This was been a very confusing month. When i go home and see her (she openly wants to see me and is excited) ill see what happens and how she acts. Hopefully it goes well if not ill let go i guess.. our last chance :(

[FrankKearns]

Originally Posted by Cityboy88

yeah, i see both points. She is very confusing. Today we spoke on the phone for around a total of 5 hours. She in the beginning said she again just loves me as a friend blah blah blah, but then comes around and says stuff like im looking forward to seeing you when your home and I'm afraid i wont be able to restrain myself from kissing you. WOW? for the rest of the time we spoke about how we wish we could go back in time and change things and talking about how things could have been better and happened ect. we had alot of laughs and she says it reminded her of good times. I'm not sure if she loves and and is just confused or stringing me along. She also claims to never want to lose me and if she ever gets another boyfriend he has to deal with us being close or she will leave him. How can that work? if my girlfriend was hanging around with an ex she was with for a while and was intimate with i sure wouldnt like it ya kno? its just human nature in that way. This was been a very confusing month. When i go home and see her (she openly wants to see me and is excited) ill see what happens and how she acts. Hopefully it goes well if not ill let go i guess.. our last chance :(

Hello everyone! I'm new to these forums, and I wanted to say hi AND to say Cityboy that you are being jerked around. You need to NC the hell out of her. If it pisses her off, so what! She dumped you, remember? And if it really does **** her off it could mean two things:

1. She is mad because she can't control you.
2. She is upset because she still likes you and wants you back.

If she wants you back, she needs to stop dicking with you, apologize, then allow YOU to make the call if you want to be back with her. She has work to do to gain your trust. Don't be her boy toy, it can be hard, but you have to be firm, and not allow yourself to be used.

Good luck,

-Frank-

[bustertypsy]

Great advice Frank!!!!