Do people ever get over their first love?

[myfavoriteword]

i'm writing this because i'm beginning to wonder (worry) - do people ever get over their first loves? i'm so scared that it will never happen. and (this is why i should stay off the internet during times like these) i found all of these posts online about how nobody ever gets over their first love. from what i've read, the memories and the love fade, but it never dies and people still long for that person from time to time. that scares me so much i can't even say. if i'll never get over kenny and just compare everyone else to him then what's the point of even trying? i'm looking for some hope that he will one day not matter to me and that someone will replace and completely surpass what i feel for him instead of just ease my loneliness and suffice instead of him. i want to know that one day i will find someone out there that will erase all thoughts that kenny and i are meant to to, you know? the connection i had with him was so strong and it didn't fade at all after 8 months. will it ever?? i can't picture anything greater than how i felt for this person. the logical side of me, the part of my brain that listens to this forum wants to believe that there WILL be something greater, but then why is first love so much more important than anything in between if it's not better?????

[LizardKing]

Hey Favorite ... My x was pretty much the first girl I could ever say that I truly loved. So I know what you are saying. You feel like you could never be so close and comfortable with another person. Always comparing people to them. In my opinion i think that you will always remember your first love ..how could you not. But its up to you if you want to move on. Its easier said then done.. I have been dealing with this on again off again BS with my X for over a year now. It takes its toll.. You have to ask yourself do you want to be with someone that can just come in and out of your life whenever they choose. Once they break that trust its hard to ever get that back. You have to figure its there loss. You are a beautiful person inside and out trust me you will not have a problem meeting someone new , you just gotta open yourself up to that idea....which is def hard to do.. Be good and stay strong.

[OhManINeedCoffee]

Hey, Niki.

I agree with LizardKing here: You don't forget the first person you ever loved - it's a rather big milestone in your life, you know? - but getting over that love is entirely up to you.

I think part of the reason why people say that you never get over your first love is because they hold that person in some sort of idyllic state in their minds. It's certainly true that the first time you really feel love is a feeling you can't quite repeat - the excitement that comes with the newness and unfamiliarity of the feeling can't really be replicated in that sense. I think that's why so much importance is placed on "first loves." However, I'd argue that any time we find ourselves falling for someone, it is an entirely different feeling from the last one. Perhaps it's the "newness" of that feeling that people continue to long for rather than the person.

In my opinion, your first love is what you make of it.

You can see your first love experience as something you wish you never lost - that fear of being vulnerable to anybody else often holds people back. OR you can see your first love as your jumping off point. Either way, it IS important: it's how you get a feel for your love "style" (yes, we all have a "style"), what you want, what you don't want, etc. Like anything else in your life, it's experience.

Statistically speaking, people RARELY seem to stay with their first loves forever. If everyone claims that you never get over your first love, then this is a huge problem. I learned a lot from my first love, and I place a high value on what I learned. But I refused to believe that my love life was at an end in my 20s with the end of that relationship.

With the end of every relationship, Niki, it's very common to have that nagging fear that we'll never find anyone as special again. It's understandable - you cared for him a great deal, and he was a huge part of your life. He brought things to your life that other people couldn't, which made him irreplacable. But for now, place that worry that you'll never find love like that again on a shelf - you don't need it right now while you're trying to heal.

In my opinion, your first love experience is what illuminates your capcity to love and be loved. It doesn't dictate the life or death of your love life.

[myfavoriteword]

I just want to believe that I will love someone so much more and have something that fulfills me and enriches me so much more than this relationship.... it's very hard to believe though. I would like to think that this is just a jumping off point for greater things but I know that I will never recapture that feeling again. I hope that doesn't mean that everything from this point on will be dull and incomparable.

[OhManINeedCoffee]

You're young, Niki - there is absolutely NO way for it to be possible for your love life to peak here. It's hard for you to believe now when you're hurting so much, but I think in time life will surprise you. Take some time, clear your head. Your love life does NOT end here.

[Cityboy88]

first love seems to be that hardest to get over. its around 17 months since my break up and im still wrestling with mind games, confusing phone called and mixed actions. It sucks so much for me because I dont like losing people in my life. especially ones who held so much importance at one time. I still wake up some mornings and say to myself, damn that really sucks, the way things are now. The way I have to be now. But i know I have to look out for myself, and I know I have to let go. I have let go of alot, but not fully, of my first love. Thats why I hate when we are having a great conversation about everything, other people, giving good friendly advice on how to get him/ her, and she goes off with saying she misses and loves me. Makes me thing again. I dont know if your still wrestling with mind games, but if your not consider yourself lucky. How long ago was this break up ?anyway?

[myfavoriteword]

oh dear... you see, that worries me a bit. just because i feel like i'll be in the same place you are in 17 months and i'd like to be over it by then, you know? i do NOT want to still be pining over him in a year. and the break up was a few weeks ago. we got back together and broke up for the third time at the beginning of august, so this "relationship" was just a little blip in time, less than 3 months. that doesn't make it much easier though unfortunately. before that we hadn't spoken in about 8 months and i know that i was fine but i still wanted to be with him in some way or another and i guess he did too at the time which is why we ended up getting back together.

[OhManINeedCoffee]

Originally Posted by myfavoriteword

i do NOT want to still be pining over him in a year.

Then don't be, hon. He may have hurt you, but remember - YOU have power and accountability over your OWN healing.

[bewanchuk]

hey myfavoriteword,

I can definately tell how much you are hurting and trust me I can relate competely. I've only been in 1 relationship, and honestly I know what it feels like knowing how much you care still about them, long to be them, and how your scared to face reality in ever finding someone new. It's tough when you look back at all the good times or the best times of your life. Instead of thinking about all those great times, you should rather look at what this person has done for you now. You should realize how much his/her actions have hurt you, and to be honset that is not someone you need in your life. Life's about having fun, living it to the fullest, and more than anything living it for yourself. I can tell just by your writing of how hurt, confused, or any term to describe the unimaginable pain that must be lurking in your heart. Know that your not alone, and that the best thing you can do right now is worry about yourself. Your ex made that decision to leave your life, and honestly it's a very tough feeling to get over. I've had to face that for a year now, and the one thing I'd say more than anything is never give up on the relationship with yourself. There is so much left to life, and so many important things like love and family. Don't worry on what this individual does, worry about what is important to you. I am trying to do my own no contact to re-establish what is important in MY life, rather than overanalyze an ex's and give them credit always where it is not due. There's that saying, in order to love someone you have to love yourself first. Don't worry about what your ex does his decisions, etc.. Just know of how much of an amazing person you are and honestly how they are missing out on not having you in their life. It's their loss, and they have to deal with that. Through all of this all you need to worry about is living life for youself, and putting that smile back on because your definitely worth it no matter what and that you deserve only the best.

I wish I knew more of your story, just know everyone goes through this and your not alone on that.


Good Luck with everything, and remember live your life for yourself and that everything happens for a reason

[myfavoriteword]

Thank you guys. I've been feeling better lately - the third breakup has been a lot easier to deal with than the last two... let's hope it stays that way. I'm trying not to think about him and not to dwell on what might be going on with him, which was my problem last time we broke up. The truth is that I have no idea so I'm trying not to focus on that. Let's hope the feeling good lasts