went to his house...

[suzie q]

...and it was really nothing.

i got there and he opened the door with a smile, which was what i was looking for. we had small talk, he stayed for about 10 minutes, heard him on the phone with one of his friends saying he's going out to hooters for a little while...blah. then he came in and said "hey lady i'm leaving" and we said it was nice seeing you and goodbye.

i guess i was upset because seeing him just reminds me of how much i love him. i played it really cool while he was there and didn't break down until i was packed up and gone.

i am just having such a hard time with this mostly because it doesn't make sense. literally everyone we know is in shock over this break up--none of us saw it coming. that's the hardest part. i have tried to think over and over again about what signs there were, but can think of nothing. we didn't even fight when we broke up!

well, i intend to do my best to not contact him, which i did pretty well with before. i have nothing to say to him and i do want to give him space to sort out his feelings/life.

i can do NC without much difficulty and i can say all i want that it's over and i don't sit around crying all the time, but in my heart, i really don't believe it's over. i have tried going that route--just totally believing it's over--and i was okay. i was getting through it just fine, but i just don't believe it.

okay. well--i'm in my first day of NC. we'll see how i deal with it and i'm sure you'll all hear about it.

[tiggerinlondon]

IMHO you have a sensible head on your shoulders and though you are in shock about this, you have a strong heart; you must have, to have been able to do what you just did.



As for believing it, well disbelief and shock go hand in hand in grief. IME time is usually helpful in making us accept the circumstances. I hope your healing is as quick and as easy as it can be for you. I wish for you to get what you want and what you need.

Let us know if we can help, we all feel for you.

[Unca]

Suzie,

I'm glad everything went okay.

But i know exactly how you are feeling, as I am sure we all do. I am also sure that the feelings of "its not over" will soon fade. Its not actually been that long since you split up, so just give yourself time...get on with your own thing, and above all dont close your mind to seeing anyone else once you feel ready.

If NC worked before, then it can work again. He contacted you, yeah? He'll either be back in touch with some reason that he needs to see you, or he wont. If he does "need" to see you, just go and do what you did today...show him how happy you are and how well you are doing. If this doesnt give him a kick up the backside and show him what he's missing then nothing will.

But remember, if he wants to get together as just friends, it wont work while you still feel like you do, having the belief that its still not over, so dont plan on doing things together until you feel healthy within yourself.

I probably havent made much sense cause its late, but you go girl! Well done on today!

[obx08]

Im proud of you Suzie for going through with it and handling it very well! Good job! I totally understand that shock factor...I dated my ex for 3 years and we were in talks of planning a wedding and then kind of out of the blue she decided that she was fine dating but never could see us being married...so she ended it..(and this is after 3 years)...totally destroyed me and no one I told believed me.....this was in April...and I still have days where I just sit down and am like "did that REALLY happen? How did that happen!!??" etc etc... What I have had to come to accept, and what has been the hardest to accept, is that if it never works out for me and my ex (which i don't think it will) then I have to stop asking why and how and realize I may never understand why it happened and all the reasons and understandings of it and the what ifs...and I also have to realize that it will always be a part of me. If you and your ex dont get back together it will take time...possibly alot of time...but personally, I believe that it is ok to take a little part of that person with you...because he helped make you who you are today...Im not sure how that really apply's at all....i just know i struggle at times with the shock factor and its a constant struggle between trying to just forget it ever happened...totally blocking it out...or dwelling on it and hoping we get back together...i think there is a fine medium in there that has to be found...it will take time...but you will find it...i think thats my point :)

[suzie q]

thanks :)

i don't want to forget he exists because he has been the best man in my life so far. my first love was a love that i didn't benefit from much and the only thing i have taken from that is that i figured out what love was.

with this guy, i figured out what it was like to be loved back and i figured out that this is the kind of relationship i want, even if it's with a different guy ::gulp::

he's taught me a lot and i really have learned so much through all of this.