Neither of us can let go...

[HeadvsHeart]

The past week has found me deep in the drama of high school that I thought I left behind when I left for college.

Since we broke up, my ex has tried to be friend with me way too many times to count, and each time I've wanted to reconcile as well, this doesn't seem to be a very good idea for either of us. Each time we start talking again, one of us gets overly emotional and one of us decides to end it, again. The most recent time was the worst. After 2 months of NC I decided I was good enough to talk again (bad idea, I know, but I"m paying for it now). For two weeks this was fine, but then he gets drunk and decides to have a deep conversation about how he is still torn (between me and his current gf), how he still loves me, wants to get back together etc. Yes he did use the words "i still love you" multiple times. This brought a lot of painful memories back for me, and then in the morning, he didn't remember any of it.

So we decide we're done talking again. Only to go a few days until he contacts me and says there are a lot of things he needs to say to me, in person, will I please give him a chance. I didn't reply for a few days, but decided I need to get a lot off my chest too (not the happiest of words, but I'm getting sick of him pulling me back in all the time). Then I get a five page text from his girlfriend basically saying "he tells me he doesn't see a future with you anymore, he loves me more than anything, I trust him completely and (my favorite) you don't cheat for no reason." I almost feel bad for her because she is obviously very threatened by me even though I'm six hours away (a luxury I did not have when trying to save my relationship 6 months prior). So anyway, I"m just super frustrated because there is also the factor that the girlfriend dragged one of my friends in on this, and my ex is talking to all of his friends, and I just feel like this is between three people max and yet everyone in our small little town seems to be involved all of a sudden. It's ridiculous. I'm really upset with everyone involved ( this ties into my post "my best friend is in love with me Pt.2") and I don't know what to do at this point. Do I continue with my plan to talk to my ex, get everything off my chest and then cut myself off from everyone involved? It wouldn't be hard since I only come home every few months, but it's the emotional attachment that will be hard to break. AAH. Why does life have to be some complicated?? The past is the past, and it should stay there...

[Bustertypsy]

Life is complicated unfortunately.All I do know is if he has a current girlfriend,then total NC should be initiated by you and unless he ends with her you should have no links with him.

You are being stopped from healing because of the contact.Your wounds are being reopened every time you two connect.Once his current GF is in the picture he is not committed to you and all the "I still love you's" are meaningless.

You deserve much more respect than this.He wants his cake and eat it too.Tell him you're going NC and explain the reasons why.Unless he ends with her and shows you his true emotions,don't even consider discussing anything with him.

In the meantime nurture yourself and give yourself a chance to heal.

[Tiggerinlondon]

That's all there is to say on it.