Opinions Needed Long distance relationship.Forget it or try it?

[nick_agel]

Dear friends,
I was wondering the past time how people survive long distance relationships.
It's the most soul-destroying thing especially when you love the other person.

And it suddenly came to my way.
I met a girl who lives about 500 kilometers away.
At first we took it not serious due to the distance.
But there is so much erotic attraction by both parties,so much communication and so much beauty.
We really don't know what to do.
She wants me very much , she's thinking of me all the time (me too) but we really don't know!
She believes we can't survive this and she's right.
I need 7-8 hours by train plus the fact I don't know how to reach her because she lives in a small town.

What do you think?Can these types of relationships last?
If yes,how?
If not,why?

Your friend Nick

[selena_cat]

No it doesnt take it from me,i was burned by one. Sooner or later the distance gets so great or the person never cared about you to really make it work, even tho you're willing to mke some sacrifices to make it work (in my case)
Then they find someone geographically closer and forget they were ever interested in you. That may or may not happen and in your case hopefully this may be the person of your dreams, i'm still a romantic! but take it from me, proceed with caution. Have lots of communication-get to know the person better so you can meet right away, and best of luck!

[bustertypsy]

In my experience,I say LDR's are soul destroying.They take their toll on you and they are very difficult to maintain.I found the more I fell in love the worse the pain of being apart.Eventually we mutually ended the relationship as we were both constantly depressed.

I wasn't prepared to move to her country and she wasn't prepared to move to mine.I honestly don't know how sincere the love I had for her was.I often wondered was it only because I couldn't be with her that that made me want her more.

Anyway it broke my heart and I promised from that day,that I would never get involved in a LDR ever again.So if you decide to get involved be prepared for a lot of emotional hardship and be prepared to work extremely hard at it.

[niuniu]

Hi, everyone here, I am in a long distance relationship, and had all the problems you guys know already. Its truly truly difficult. On one hand, I dont want to give up, coz we are so much involved and in love, I would say, on the other hand, I see no clear sign of ending this seperation of more than 3 years. The problem is here right now. I got depressed because he is not here on the Chinese new year, and he got depressed in turn. This is what you call soul-destroying, I guess. And yet, I dont want to give up. So I am not able to advise at all, but need advise too.

[bustertypsy]

Hi Niuniu,I think the most important things in a LDR are communication and trust.Total and absolute honesty is paramount at all times.There needs to be an objective set so you both know what the eventual fruits of the relationship will be.Having this will give you strength when you are feeling down.Have the lines of communication open at all times.

Be prepared to go through lonely and depressing times,expect it.If the love is strong enough then it is possible that one day you will be together.Like I said you need to know where the relationship is going.There will be times when you will have to reassure each other that the pain of being apart will be worth it when you eventually come together as one.I wish you success.

[SuperDave71]

Hello all,

Long distance relationships can be so difficult because of not only missing your beloved physically and mentally but the thoughts that start to stir when your call isn't answered or there is a lapse in communication. The mind can be your worst enemy. In my opinion, its not only a matter of love, but will come down to a matter of trust and dedication.

There are so many that will tell you they love you yet will start believing that what's not in front of them, doesn't exsist.

For example: We can't see electricity (for the most part) but we know it works by turning on something that it is required. If it is working properly, the device will turn on and we can see or hear it working the way it was designed. In conclusion, just because we can't see it does mean that it is there (in this example)

In a long distance relationship, trust will be your biggest enemy. The images of "I winder what they are doing" will come and go but if a call have not been answered or a promised has been broken, the horror movie will begin playing in your head. The visualization of your partner with someone else or holding someone close can be devistating yet one must remember, there is NO TRUTH in this statement unless otherwise proved.

Arguement will arise when you question your partner and blaming starts to take over the converstation. Be careful! Damaged trust can cripple a relationship in a instant. Always remember that if they love you, they will be consistent not only with their phone calls but in their actions.

"Actions speak louder than words"


Your Friend,

SuperDave71

[Insight411]

LDR can be very inviting and intriguing. That rush of desire and possibility can really arouse a warm craving in anyone. You get the best of conversation and desire to be together because of the distance. You yearn to close that gap and spend time together. I find this to be the initial phase of LDRs.

But distance can soon become a problem for a relationship because you miss out on so much, much time together, things the heart and mind desire that can't be gained over the phone. You begin to lose the sense of being truly together and LDR allows an easier atmosphere for unfaithfulness. I think to truly know and love someone, you must spend time together. If you spend more time apart than together, that will make things strenuous. I think you get lust disguised as love. It's difficult to truly be together, when you are always apart.

But you ask can they last? Of course, anything is possible. There is no written rule to say they will never work. But do I think it's a good idea? No, not if you have no intentions of closing that distance. A successful relationship is about being close and in a LDR one will soon find out that includes more than just your hearts. When the honeymoon feeling fades, your location on the map will show it's importance.

The distance that made things so interesting in the beginning will quickly become your biggest problem. If either of you have no intentions of changing your address, the relationship's future doesn't look good. Relationships are suppose to make one feel secure....LDRs will bring out your insecurities not the secure feeling that should come with love. Just beware and careful. Learn from those that have walked this path.

[niuniu]

Hello, my friends there, thank you for your kind words. They all make senses to me. My boyfriend and I are in this LDR for more than three years, so truly we underwent everything you guys talked about. Everything is true, communication problem, trust crisis, failed plan, broken promises, not enough time together, all of this happened. And yet we survived three years, even though I dont know how we did, even though we still have this kind of problems now and then.

I applied for a program that was carried out in a place near him, and I almost succeeded, but failed in the end. It was a big blow for us. I thought I wont have the strengh to do it again, and yet I managed to apply it again this year, so there is nothing I can do but hope it will work out this time. He tried on his part to take opportunities to move to me, and yet no results. I know he has some plan on his mind, but I dont want to ask him about it any more.

So what bothers me is that its not under control of either him or me, the future is still uncertain, we have to lay ourselves at the mercy of God, and the negative thoughts still creep in each time they got the chance, even though I try to be positive. Its been too long, it does take a strong heart to take all these. Its not easy for him, having to put up with my hot-temper in the meantime.

Anyway, thank you all for caring enough to reply. Though no solution is available, its great to have you here.

[bustertypsy]

Niuniu,I believe if you both keep trying for other programs and he too keeps trying,then something will eventually happen in your favour.It is the trying that will keep up your hopes,that you two will soon be together.Do have faith and positive things will happen.Never give up,perserverence will pay off

[nick_agel]

I believe Long distance relationships have no great future.
The only advantage I can only see is the missing that lovers have to suffer which can increase their love.

So with so many disadvantages I see the possibility of continuing with this girl impossible.
I reckon the love attraction which can be created but due to the distance the bad things will be coming back.
I also feel sad about these types of relationships because of the fear lover's can suffer.You know the fear of finding somebody else closer,the fear of ''Why she/he doesn't answer?'' and so go on.

From the other side I really want to chase this after but I'm afraid that the romanticism will fade.

At every relationship I try to keep romanticism awake.
I just don't know how to keep this romantisicm with the ldr.

If you have any ideas feel free to post.
My point is at keeping romantisicm.I'm a preacher of romantisicm.

Your friend,
Nick