what i REALLY want to say.

[suzie q]

but i won't. i'll just leave it here.

steven:

there are a lot of reasons that lead up to our break up, but the biggest one is and has been before the influence of other people on you.

i should have never had to defend the person i am to you. you know me better than anyone. i have never asked and would never even think to ask that you choose between me and your sister, but you could have stayed neutral and defended me at the same time. it was me against you guys ever since she decided she didn't like me anymore.

yes, i said that i prefer not to be around her because she brings me down and hurts me--is this really out of line to you? i even apologized if she felt i was bashing her and explained that we are just not meant to be close friends. i tried to make peace with her for your sake. everything was for you and to make you happy.

you quit our relationship. the second i started needing more from you, you quit. for almost 3 years i was there for you, no matter how you treated me. i stood by you when your wonderful sister said she wanted nothing to do with you. i actually got you to talk to her, even though i knew she was detremental to our relationship. i wanted you two to talk because i know how important family is.

i've stood by you through your drinking, your mood swings, your aggression, your indecisiveness for a long time. you decided to give up when i was going through some hard times.

i know that i've done some things wrong, i don't place blame on you, but i also know i did a lot more right.

i love and at this point i'm not sure how to get over you. i don't know how to think about loving someone else, but i'm happy to know that there is someone who will love, support, and appreciate me.

i don't think you'll ever find someone who loves you unconditionally like i have, but i know i can find someone who treats me and loves me more than you ever even tried.

[thirdeyevest]

Very nice post Suzie I feel your pain and I hope you really know that you do deserve more.

[suzie q]

thanks.

i think i'm getting it. the more i focus on what really happened and less on the pain of what happened, it becomes more clear.

[SuperDave71]

That is EXACTLY what is happening. Way to go Suzie.


-SuperDave71

[superconfused]

Great post suzie! It's so great to see you making such progress!

[suzie q]

well, i'm not sure if i'm really making progress. i laid in bed for over a day. this post was written a little out of anger, i have to say. a little bit so i didn't contact him, too. but, maybe i'm getting it.

[Dan72]

I wrote a huge ass letter to my ex with every intention of sending it in a fit of anger, but after sensible friends talked me out of it I just read it sometimes when I'm feeling really sad about it. It's weird how reading it gives me strength and perspective again. Sometimes by reading what you've been through you can see it from the outside and it makes it look so one sided huh. We give give give and they take take take, is that how it should be when we're 'loved' ? absolutely not! We deserve better,... and we WILL get that, all of us, when the time is right for us, we will.

[xxSPHYNXxx]

Suzie you are getting it, more and more everyday!

Good for you woman and DO NOT settle! You deserve to be treated how you yourself treat them.

Stay strong.

xxSPHYNXxx

[thirdeyevest]

Suzie- Love, pain, hurt, confussion can all make us binded at times but know that eveyday you wake up is a new day of progress. You cant see your progress right now because everything in the world is flooding your mind.I assure you the water will subside and you will be able to see clearly again. You will see a new and improved version of yourself. A person who although may still love this man knows that she deserved more than what he was giving.

[a.ayres]

Hunny..how has everything been for you? Have you heard from him again?
Have you forgotten about him even for a little bit? I feel for you as you feel for me..Let's be strong *hugs*