Deep Thought You Will Survive!

[peaceofmind79]

Hi Lovelogic,

Here are some thoughts I have been mulling over. Feel free to comment as to whether you agree or disagree.

When you or someone else ends your relationship, a piece of you dies inside. You will never regain what you have lost, because each moment you spent with that person is now looked upon in a different light. Luckily with death comes rebirth. With each failed relationship, you will learn and grow and in the end your heartache will hopefully lead to a new self-awareness. No one ever said life's lessons were going to be easy and pain free the only thing we as humans can do is to learn from each experience.

I dated my ex for 3.4 years and although my intuition told me that things were coming to an end, when the final decision was made I still felt my world had been smashed to smithereens by the very person I trusted most. All I remember about those first couple of days was the mind numbing pain, the never ending despair, and the all encompassing feeling of worthlessness. With each passing moment a new “what if” scenario would pop into my head and I would begin to think about ways of getting my ex back. There was many an incident where I would have to leave a mall or dinner table in order to go and console myself to overcome my grief. Looking back, the aftershock was even worse then the break-up itself. People kept telling me that time would help. I resisted and resented these words. As much as my family and friends tried to be supportive, I truly felt that they had little to no clue on what I was going through or how deep my hurt really was. Overall I felt alone and very dysfunctional. The initial weeks after the break-up continued to be incredibly hard and I was miserable. I had difficulty getting out of bed, going to work and maintaining any type of schedule that did not allow ample time for mourning. No matter how slow I felt the minuets pass or how much I wanted to wipe away the signs of daylight each morning, time marched on. Life was going to move forward whether I wanted it to or not.


While I was busy grieving, what I failed to realize was that I was also growing and learning at the same time. The more I “processed or analyzed” my relationship, the more perspective/clarity I gained. The person who I thought to be my everything was only just a man. A man who despite my best intentions was not going to change into what I wanted him to be. Or what I thought I wanted. The hardest part for me was taking a step back and looking at life with my ex for what it truly was not the grandiose ideas I had in my head. After spending time apart, I realized that I chose not to see my ex for who he was. My own fear of being “without him“, was so crippling that it prevented me from acknowledging the things that I didn’t like or wanted that he was unwilling to provide. I resisted the thoughts of looking for a person who could be an overall better fit because I was scared to be alone. I never realized that I could possibly find someone that would love me as much as I loved them. And truth be told, if he was that person, would we have broken-up? Relationships are work. If both parties aren’t willing to put in the time and effort into giving the other person what they want and desire, then is there really a point to being in the relationship? Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t treat you as well as you deserve to be treated (especially when it comes to emotions)? To this day, I still think of my ex and I continue to love him. The difference is, now I love him for the role he played in helping me to become a stronger person. He may never know this or someday I could tell him over our morning coffee, but just because I am not with him does not stop me from loving him.


As much as I didn’t want to believe it, time has helped to dull the harsh edges of my initial pain and provide me with the strength to move forward. As much as you may want to move through this period as quickly as possible, try not to rush. Whether you believe it or not, you need to take this time to heal your wounds. Taking time now will not only help you in future relationships. Trust me…nobody wants to date someone with a ton of emotional baggage from a past relationship.


We will each learn life’s lessons in our own unique way and although we don’t realize it at the time the heartache we feel can in fact lead to a greater sense of clarity about ourselves and how we connect to the world. So for those of you who are currently in the throws of a break-up, despite your doubt and feelings of heartache, you will recover in time and hopefully find new meaning and purpose to your life.



Here are a few words by Gloria Gaynor from her popular hit “I Will Surive” to help you through!

HUGS & MUCH SUPPORT…Peace

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side

Then as time passes she goes on to say...
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive

And Finally...
I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

[Dan72]

It's amazing isn't it? The initial thoughts/feelings and actions are the same for us all, yet at the time, we all feel so unique and that noone could have ever possibly felt the same way.

Great post, and very true. I have learnt more about myself from this past relationship than I think I have ever learnt about myself throughout my life. I don't think that it's a coincidence that I have never been in as much emotional pain as I have been since L broke up with me. Life is full of lessons and the most beneficial lessons are the hardest and most painful to learn. It needed to be painful for me to learn from it.

Thanks again

[Silverstar]

I totally agree with Dan. What a great post. I actually got goosebumps when i read it. Thank you so much Peaceofmind