Don't Know What To Do :( - theLoveLogic Inspirational Relationship Advice Forums

Flames · 01-02-2009, 02:28 AM

I have a problem and have no clue what to do and well this seemed like the best option. My gf and me have been dating for a couple of months and well it seems like we have been together our whole entire lives but with her step mom around it makes everything worse. Her "mom" has been controlling her life ever since she was a lil girl and well i hate how she getting treated. I have tried to confront her about it but she won't listen to my reasoning. Her living arrangements are horrible in my mine she is forced to pay rent while she is a full time student and can't get a job and she has no freedom but refuse to leave. I'm at the end of my rope and really upset at all of this because I don't want to lose her but don't want to see her get treated this way. Please if someone could help me it would be very much appreciated.

thirdeyevest · 01-02-2009, 07:36 AM

Welcome to the LL Flames....

Well I think it would be best to sit down with her and talk to her about it, if it bothers you that much. I think she should be willing to atleast hear you out even if she may not agree with you. You have to have communication in a relationship my man. I can see how this type of behavior could get under your skin and I would not say you were wrong for confronting her about it.

I think if anything you are looking out for her best intrest and she should try and understand where your coming from. After you two talk about it and she chooses to either, take your advice or leave it atleast you spoke your mind. You can focus on what happens after the fact, well later ya know?

Hope that helped man,

-Josh

Flames · 01-02-2009, 12:33 PM

Thank you for the helpful input Thirdeyevest. I am going to take your advice and when I get some time alone with her just going to talk to her. I'm just so scared that this might ruin our relationship since she seems to get really defensive but hopefully she just lets me talk and doesn't get to upset.

thirdeyevest · 01-02-2009, 12:42 PM

Just try and stay calm when you talk to her and make sure she understands you are only looking out for her. She should be willing to atleast listen ya know? I wish you the best and keep us updated, we are here to help.

-Josh

SuperDave71 · 01-02-2009, 12:48 PM

Flames,

Also remember that giving your girlfriend added pressure to get away from her current situation, regardless of your good intent, could make her feel uncomfortable. Just because you might not agree with her "mom" and the way she runs her life, but do undertsand that your parter is an adult and can make her own decisions based on her situation.

Trying to put yourself in someone else's family matters could be seen as a threat regardless if your heart has the right intensions.

Be careful and good luck.

-SuperDave71

browneyes79 · 01-02-2009, 12:49 PM

I definitely think you should sit down and talk with her. Give her your input and go from there if she cares about you she should be willing to listen and understand where you are coming from you are only trying to help.Good luck

Silverstar · 01-02-2009, 01:11 PM

Hey flames,
How old is your gf?
I think the reason she is taking the bad behavior from her step mom, is because she is dependant on her and has no other option. She can't work because she is a full time student, so she has no money. Where would she live, how would she buy food and clothes and pay for school? Would you be able to give her money to have the same live (or close to) she has now? You can't expect someone to leave a bad situation for a worse. I think that is what is holding her back. Where is she getting the money from to pay rent to her step mom now? Where is her dad and what is his role in this?

Flames · 01-02-2009, 01:18 PM

Well shes on assistance because she was told she going to pay rent and shes 18 shes a returning gr 12 student. Her father left her at a young age and this step mom would actually be like her step grandmother since she lives with her grandparents she is just in a really screwed up place and i can't understand why she staying and yes as SuperDave said I do understand that i shouldn't get in the middle of her family matters its just I end up getting dragged into them by her one way or another. As for helping her I have given her the option of moving in with me for now even if we were just to become friends I wouldn't make her leave because I want her to be able to know she has a safe place to go.

Flames · 01-04-2009, 01:58 AM

Well today I finally got to have a talk with her and well it seems like things are starting to look better but now she almost seems like she is changing. Does anyone think that from our discussion she would become different? She is showing a side of her that i have never seen and I don't really like it. She is starting to lie to me for more then my own safety over dumb things that happened today. Does anyone have any idea why this might be happening?

Silverstar · 01-04-2009, 10:15 AM

Flames- I'm a little confused...If I understand correctly she is living with her grandparents and you call her grandmother her step mom? Is her grandmother the mother of her dad or the mother of her step mom?

She is still very young and has no security as far as money goes. You say you are willing to take her in if she leaves but have you really thought it through? How old are you and what will you live of if she comes to live with you? Are you making enough money to support both of you? Love alone will not pay the bills. Or are you talking about moving in with your parents? (would not recoment that)
You allready told us that she won't be able to work because of her being a fulltime student.

Looking at your story I see that she loves you but she is totally not ready to take the big step. She doesn't want to loose you but she also doesn't want to jump into an insecure future. That's maybe why she lied about things to you. She feels you are pressuring her and she has to choose between not hurting your feelings and doing what she thinks is best for herself.

She wants to finish school first and I can only say I think that is the right decision. No mater how her step mom treats her, she knows that she at least has security there.

To tell you the truth it just sounds her stepmom is a very strict woman who looks after her step daughters best intrest and you just want the step mom out of the way because than you can see her whenever you want.
I could be wrong, but you didn't give much information on how the step mom treated her other than that the stepmom is very controlling and that your gf doesn't have any freedom which is what every couple thinks of their parents when they are still young and living with their parents.