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Thread: Not wasting energy and time... and why NC is good for BOTH.

  1. #1

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    Default Not wasting energy and time... and why NC is good for BOTH.

    I wrote this on Saturday morning but didn't have internet working much at work over the weekend so I just now am getting a chance to post it. I figured it was worth saving to post.

    So I guess in the end of my relationship with my ex I did the dumping. I really did try all I could and he didn't. Doesn't make him a bad person but things just did not work out. I was friends with my (now) boyfriend and he liked me and after I finally broke it off with my ex I decided to give my boyfriend a chance because I knew that I liked him yet never would have done anything had I still been with my ex. Maybe in most cases the best decision would have been to just be on my own for a bit but not in my case. I mean, I would have been fine but I am sooooo so glad that I started going out with Nathan. He is just amazing. LOL.

    Anyway, I tried to stay friends with my ex because he wanted to stay friends and I knew that he was still having a rough time with everything. It's all so recent and he is feeling a variety of all the emotions you feel when you lose someone. You all know that I'm no stranger to this feeling and have felt like this many of times with my ex so I totally understand and emphasize where he is coming from right now. I feel like the past couple months I have been with him I've lived through all those emotions and really the last thing I needed to do to finally just accept it was to truly let go and be the courageous one to finally break up.

    Ever since then he's just been depressed. His roommate went to live with his parents for the summer so he's at his apartment alone. All he does now is goes to work and sits at home alone watching tv shows he downloaded and trying to talk to people. He's been trying to make friends but people keep deleting him or not replying back, etc. He's just emotionally a mess right now and has been telling me how he's been getting very little sleep and waking up every hour or so.

    He'll try to have a normal conversation with me but then there is always something that comes into play. I had to go one night and said that I'd talk to him the next day maybe. I ended up being busy all day and got home that night to receive a message from him saying "I thought you were going to message me today". I didn't respond and I wrote him the next day about some computer related thing and he was offended that I responded in a different message and ignored his message when I was simply busy. He'll update his status to say how bored or lonely he is. When he talks to me it's often about relationship stuff saying how much he wishes things were reversed and such. He's so negative to talk to because I'll wish him a good day and he'll be like "I'll try but I doubt it." or something like that. He talks to MY friend online about how much he misses me and says that I was cheating on him only because I knew my boyfriend a month or so before him and I broke up. Which I never cheated or gave my (now) boyfriend any response that would indicate me emotionally cheating. So whatever! I'm sooooooooooooooo sick of this and soooooo done wasting my time.

    I'm sorry I'm writing all of this but I really just needed a place to vent because I've been so annoyed by him. I'm also posting this for a good reason though. I have learned some very important lessons from all of this.

    #1. No Contact is extremely good and the best option for both the dumper and the dumpee until BOTH people have completely healed. Then MAYBE there will be a better chance of being friends down the road. But the most important thing is that you show ultimate respect for yourself and the other person whether they realize that or not it doesn't matter. YOU are what matters.

    #2. Whether you are the one that did the dumping or you were the one that got dumped DO NOT allow yourself to fall into the trap of feeling bad/guilty/etc. for how the other person feels. Their feelings belong to them and they have a right to think whatever they want about you but it doesn't mean that it's true. Who cares?! All that matters is what YOU think and what YOU show to the world. If you know you are a good person then that's all that matters! Choose to live your life in a happy, positive light!

    #3. If you know that your ex isn't over you or you are not over your ex... do not attempt the "impossible" aka trying to be friends (perhaps in VERY rare cases this will work but most cases no). Yes, if both of you are on good terms and have healed then feel free to do so but not a good idea to try before then.

    #4. DO NOT waste your precious time and energy moping, crying, begging, blaming yourself/others, whining, etc etc etc on your ex! It's sooooooo not worth it. Go out and live life. Have fun. Hang with friends, concentrate on school, do a hobby, make life goals, etc... just strive to be all you can be and do it! Make all of your dreams come true one day at a time!

    We all only have so much time here on earth. We might as well live it up!
    "The world is my oyster!"

  2. #2

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    great post and right on. You are only responsible for you, and thats enough. So proud of you for being so wise.

  3. #3
    suzie q

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    great post!

    a relationship involves two people and takes two people to make it work. i am very happy for you and proud of you for taking a step toward a better, happier future.

  4. #4

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    Great post! Love and agree w/ all 4 points... especially #1 and #4.

  5. #5

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    Bravo Jess!

    Only you can live your life for you....don't watch it pass you by!


  6. #6

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    great post thanks for sharing...

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