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I wish I had some really great advice for you, but I'm coming up a little short today. But I've been thinking about your post since last night and wanted to respond.
I think what you've told both Shea and her mom are the absolute best things you could have told them. You were honest, and at the same time gracious, mature, and incredibly considerate.
It sounds kind of like (and please correct me if I'm wrong) you're having a "panic" time, in which the whole reality and impact of becoming a new father, rebuilding a foundation with Shea and her family, and at the same time trying to get your own life in order may be starting to overwhelm you. This is not "small stuff" that has happened to you in the past month - these are all incredibly huge life changes, and often when we go through such life-altering things, we start to feel smaller in comparison, and wonder if we're really equipped to do it all justice. I get like that every time something huge happens in my life, at least.
I know you're feeling like your life has no direction, and that this is a failing of some sort, but also remember that VERY few people have a set path of focus at 21, and even at 30. Age 21 is when we're typically trying to figure all that crap out - it's that "figuring out who you are and what you want out of life" period of time. I'd argue that that period of time doesn't really stop at any point, either.
College/great job won't magically solve those problems, you're right. It can help you figure out what exactly it is you want and where you want to go, but it won't magically make your life fall in order. When you're sinking back into depression, it's easy to only notice the negative things - those things that hold you back or that make you seem inadequate. Which is why I'd like to also point out to you that the fact that you have handled this entire situation with maturity, dignity, love and enthusiasm means that you are MORE than adequate to handle all of this, no matter what the outcome is. However, just like Shea and Emileigh, you also just need some time to figure things out. You have already established yourself as a solid and permanent presence in Emileigh's life, which is the MOST important thing at this point, and you did it selflessly. In years to come, you'll be able to see more clearly how much good you brought to her life just by doing that alone.
I'm glad you're going to seek some help in dealing with all of this - I think it's a great idea. And please keep us updated on how things are going with you and with Shea and Emileigh (LOVE the new pics by the way ). The only REAL advice I can give is to just take your time, fix the things you CAN fix, and take some of that patience you're having for Shea and let yourself have some patience with you too. You need time just as much as she does.
Take care, and I hope you're feeling a little better today.
"Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card