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Hiya, Jess.
Ahh, it looks like you've reached the first real "challenge" of your relationship. The problem here seems to be more a problem with his friend, really.

Originally Posted by
thatdoggirl
He needs to decide whether he is going to continue to give in and be codependent towards his friend and be single or something or whether he is serious about being with me and getting the stuff he wants/needs to do done... even if it takes more time.
It sounds here as though your boyfriend has to make an "It's either me or your friend" decision here. I disagree. I don't think this situation is that black and white. In all honesty, the friend sounds like a total sleaze, but that is more your boyfriend's issue than it is yours. I can see both sides of the story on this, but before you decide whether to break up with him over this, I'd encourage you to look at this more from his perspective and his personal situation first.

Originally Posted by
thatdoggirl
I understand that the job would be good moneywise and it would help him get caught up in a lot of stuff he is behind in like child support
Bingo. This seems to be his main motive in doing this. This is a big deal to him, and it should be. I know you've said the job market is terrible in your neck of the woods, and while, from what you've said in other posts, he's being extremely proactive about getting back on his feet again, the economy just isn't making it very easy for him to do this. Remember that he is unemployed, in financial trouble, and behind on bills, child support, etc - an EXTREMELY stressful situation. In situations like this, even if you're doing all you can, you can still feel as though you're failing, you're not productive, you're not a good provider to those you need to provide for, etc. And it sounds like he wants to do whatever it takes to get THIS particular predicament in his life sorted out as quickly as possible. I can't say I can fault him for this.
He has made it absolutely clear through both his words and his actions that he loves you, wants a future with you, and that you are a huge priority to him. But remember that his kids and his own independence come first. I know working seven days a week will certainly cut down on the time he wants to spend with his kids, but at the same time it WILL help him provide for them, pay child support, and help him to get to a place where he CAN spend more time with them. I wouldn't think that this job he's considering taking will be a permanent thing - just something to keep him afloat in the meantime until he finds a better opportunity. In all honesty, it sounds as though he's thinking more as a father and a provider here than as a boyfriend. Again, I can't say I fault him for that.
As for living with Captain Sleazeball, I would agree that it wouldn't be a good idea. Does he have ANY other possible options for this? I'm not sure if distance is an issue here or not, but why would he HAVE to live with his friend for this job? Need a little more information on this. But I would encourage you NOT to think of this as him choosing his friend over you. From what I can tell, it looks like he's more trying to choose the most effective and efficient way to get back on his feet again.

Originally Posted by
thatdoggirl
I really think this is one of those things he should pass up because it's not worth living with Branndon
It's not worth him living with Branndon to YOU, but again, look at this from his side. The job market is poor and he seems to be in a "I'll take whatever I can get at this point" mentality. He wants to get caught up financially and be able to provide for his kids, first and foremost. To HIM, it probably IS worth it to deal with living with an idiot for a little while in order to get these things taken care of as quickly as possible. While I know you think it's best that he waits for a better opportunity, he MAY be thinking that there won't be one, or that if there is one, it will take a LONG time to present itself. Financial trouble, unfortunately, is not one of those things that can wait. Please try to keep this in mind while you're mulling this situation over.
Relationships are never 100% perfect - we all know this - and it feels like a slap in the face when we first realize that a new relationship isn't perfect. But remember that it's not the "perfection" that matters here so much as the strength of the relationship between you two. I guess when it comes down to it, the question is this: Are you prepared to support him in whatever decision he makes, even if you don't agree with it? Are you able to have faith in his own intentions toward you, even if it takes a bit longer than anticipated to get things in your relationship where you both want them to be?
Last edited by OhManINeedCoffee; 07-05-2009 at 10:29 AM.
"Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card
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