BE HONEST and share your answers

[xxSPHYNXxx]

This was a fun thread that our friend Insight411 started that I looked up and wanted to share for our new members as well as the older ones.. hehe!

Are Men from Mars and Women from Venus? Lets see how differently we respond here. :gathering:

When selecting a mate, I want to know what is important to you. I will give you 9 traits or characteristics and you list them in order of importance (1 being most important). The answers will reflect your picture of an ideal mate.

Feel free to elaborate on your decisions or share your thoughts on any given trait. Most say the answers differ based on age sex..... let's see!

Looks (beautiful or handsome to most)

Money (financially secure)

Personality (gets along well with your friends and family)

Communication Skills (knows how to listen and share thoughts)

Honesty (trustworthy)

Religion (belief in a higher power)

Sex (shows affection and adequate in bed)

Sense of Humor (knows how to laugh and have fun)

Mental Stability (need I say more)

[xxSPHYNXxx]

In my opinion "Attraction" comes in many ways....

What actually attracts me is a "genuine smile". As I am meeting yhou I extend my hand, look into your eyes say hello my name is...and I shake their hand as I say very nice to meet you.
A person can learn "alot" from a handshake too!

With that said I start off with"

1. Communication - I have to be able to hold a conversation of "substance" and have my mind stimulated...I also feel you and your partner have to have the ability to express their emotions and view points both good and bad...strong communication along with my next choices I believe are the foundation of a good "healty" relationship

2. Honest & Trust - Says it all...If you "lie" to me, I wasn't worth the truth. How can you trust if you are lied to? Relationships cannot build and/or flourish without honesty and "trust"...<Insight, one you left off so I am adding it here with honesty>

3. Sense of Humor - I "LOVE" to laugh! After working and family obligations, when I am out with my partner I want us to not only have "quality" time I want us to have fun, joke around and laugh! Just "be"...

4. Personality - Ties in alot with sense of humor. One's personality doesn't necessarily just mean getting along with friends, etc. I would look for a partner that has many traits that I have which would include their morals and values.

5. Mental Stability - I would support my partner. There are different events that happen in life, weather it be a tragedy or one having a "bad" day. If it required professional help, I think that would have to be determined if and when it occured, what was going on and then you would have to make a decision on your options.

6. Looks - I look for confident, "non-jealous" partner. I believe "beauty" comes from within. If you are NOT a beautiful person on the "inside" the outside does NOT make a difference...Looks come and go, beauty if from within! I will say the genuine smile and beautiful eyes...Look into the eyes... they will tell you everything you need to know, just LOOK! I do concede I do have to have a spark!

7. Sex and Passion - Well, as for me.. I am a very affectionate, passionate loving person. I want a partner that is affectionate also, that isn't afraid to show it. AS I have said before... kissing is a "lost" art! If you have in your relationship the qualities I have listed above your lovemaking will not only be passionate it will create a much deeper and stronger bond with your partner and ypur relatonship will be that much more meaningful. WOW! <Insight missed passion too so I had to include it here>

8. Money - I am not a materialistic person... What I look for and want from my partner is "time" QUALITY time... It is important that you have money to take care of necessities and enjoy life but "things" just aren't important "YOU" are!

9. Religion - I am fine with a partner who has their own spirituality. You will know if your compatible with your partner thru open communication.

Have a fabulous day all!

xxSPHYNXxx

[thatdoggirl]

1.Sense of Humor is a must! I love to laugh and have fun and comedy is my favorite movie genre. I like funny people so I look for someone who can brighten my day with something to smile about.

2.Honesty. I don't like people who are dishonest and if someone isn't honest I can't trust them. So this is indeed one of the most important thing in any type or relationship. No honesty... no relationship... no friendship either.

3.Sex. Haha. Sorry, sounds naughty but I can't help it... I have a really high sex drive. However, I'm not someone who just sleeps with anyone because I've actually only had one sexual partner so it takes a lot of other factors to play into whether I'd go that far intimately and I know that I would have to be in love with the person. If there is not attraction I wouldn't even think about it. I just put it on #3 because in a relationship I think that sexual needs are important for both partners.

4.Personality. I like someone with a good personality. I like people that would get along with my other friends and family. This is something that I struggle with when it comes to my family and my bf and also some personality crashes between me and him with our views/opinions. However, there are things about his personality that I do like.

5.Mental Stability. Honestly, I am attracted to someone who is smart. May not be a high IQ but atleast has a lot of knowledge about something and common sense.

6.Communication Skills. I have trouble with this myself but I'm always working on good communication skills and I like my partner to do the same. You both have to communicate in order to have a good healthy relationship.


7.Looks. I'd have to be attracted to someone by there looks in order to like them more then a friend. Doesn't mean that they have to be the hottest guy on earth but something about their looks that attracts me. However, looks are definately not the most important.

8.Money. I make enough to pay my bills and I'd atleast be interested in someone who could afford their bills and be responsible with their money but I don't expect them to be rich and all that. I'm not a golddigger. LOL

9.Religion. I am a Christian myself but I don't go to church very much and I know I should be more involved in my religion. Anyway, I don't think it would be too big of a deal if my partner had a different religion as long as we had similar views and didn't let religion get in the way.

[Sweetbride202]

In my opinion "Attraction" comes in many ways....

What actually attracts me is a "genuine smile". As I am meeting yhou I extend my hand, look into your eyes say hello my name is...and I shake their hand as I say very nice to meet you.
A person can learn "alot" from a handshake too!

With that said I start off with"

1. Communication - I have to be able to hold a conversation of "substance" and have my mind stimulated...I also feel you and your partner have to have the ability to express their emotions and view points both good and bad...strong communication along with my next choices I believe are the foundation of a good "healty" relationship

2. Honest & Trust - Says it all...If you "lie" to me, I wasn't worth the truth. How can you trust if you are lied to? Relationships cannot build and/or flourish without honesty and "trust"...<Insight, one you left off so I am adding it here with honesty>

3. Sense of Humor - I "LOVE" to laugh! After working and family obligations, when I am out with my partner I want us to not only have "quality" time I want us to have fun, joke around and laugh! Just "be"...

4. Personality - Ties in alot with sense of humor. One's personality doesn't necessarily just mean getting along with friends, etc. I would look for a partner that has many traits that I have which would include their morals and values.

5. Mental Stability - I would support my partner. There are different events that happen in life, weather it be a tragedy or one having a "bad" day. If it required professional help, I think that would have to be determined if and when it occured, what was going on and then you would have to make a decision on your options.

6. Looks - I look for confident, "non-jealous" partner. I believe "beauty" comes from within. If you are NOT a beautiful person on the "inside" the outside does NOT make a difference...Looks come and go, beauty if from within! I will say the genuine smile and beautiful eyes...Look into the eyes... they will tell you everything you need to know, just LOOK! I do concede I do have to have a spark!

7. Sex and Passion - Well, as for me.. I am a very affectionate, passionate loving person. I want a partner that is affectionate also, that isn't afraid to show it. AS I have said before... kissing is a "lost" art! If you have in your relationship the qualities I have listed above your lovemaking will not only be passionate it will create a much deeper and stronger bond with your partner and ypur relatonship will be that much more meaningful. WOW! <Insight missed passion too so I had to include it here>

8. Money - I am not a materialistic person... What I look for and want from my partner is "time" QUALITY time... It is important that you have money to take care of necessities and enjoy life but "things" just aren't important "YOU" are!

9. Religion - I am fine with a partner who has their own spirituality. You will know if your compatible with your partner thru open communication.

Have a fabulous day all!

xxSPHYNXxx

I'd like to have a guy who has all of these but nobody's perfect. Just as long as he's got #1-#7 that'll do for me..

[thehippie777]

Looks
I like a man who is bigger then I am. I am not big, but I am in no way petite. I also have an affinity for brown eyes. Other then that, it has been a random match because looks can be greatly affected by perosonality.

Money
I could care less if he has money or not as long as the guy can pay his own bills. I also don't appreciate a man who spends tons of money on illegal drugs. I don't have that kind of addiction, and honestly neither should he. My ex-husband had that issue.

Personality
It would be nice if they got along with most of my friends. My family has to like him or else there will be issues. He needs to be confident in himself in a very cautious way, meaning he can be confident without being arrogant. He needs to love knowledge at least as me if not more. Yes, he needs to be a bit of a geek. He must have more of a strong personality. I can't seem to handle men who have weak personalities because I myself have a strong personality. I need someone to look up to, someone to aspire to be like. Dating a guy who seems to cry about everything dumb annoys the crap out of me.

Communication Skills
I don't always listen myself, but someone who is at least willing to care is nice. I do not like PDA at all, other then hand-holding and perhaps a small kiss in public. Everything else is disgusting. I don't need to know how much a man has to have me then & there in public...it's just...wrong. If he can't get the point across by saying it, looking at me a certain way, or with a gentle touch then he is useless.

Honesty
Vital to me. I can't stand liars. I can't stand thieves. Even though I was hurt when I found out that my boyfriend felt our sex life was sometimes boring (which I can't even comprehend), I would prefer he tell me rather then not.

Religion
I am a Christian, and I have found that if the guy is a Christian it works out for the most part. I believe that there has to be "equal yokes". I don't attend church, but if he does that is fine as long as he doesn't force me or nag me to go. No "deer in the headlight" Christians, though. Some controversial thoughts is a good thing!

Sex
Before my current relationship I thought I was into some fetish or extreme things. Come to find out, it was fun briefly but it's not for me. I used to also have boyfriends that were very sexual and wanted to have sex often. I am good if I can have sex at least once a week. Sex is important, but not vital. I also don't like being forced or nagged into some sexual behavior I find personally uncomfortable (giving & recieving oral sex). I find nothing wrong with it if others like it, but for some reason it's not for me. I can't seem to find a guy who doesn't like to be given oral sex, though, and this makes me VERY uncomfortable and sad sometimes. I will do everything else, though. I love sex. On the topic of penis-size: I have learned there is way too big and way too small, and both are just as useless. 5-8 inches erect is just about all I can handle.

Sense of Humor
Life is crap, laugh at it. I am a very silly person. I often laugh at myself and at really dumb things. As long as a guy can handle my sillyness, I am good. It would be nice if they were silly a bit sometimes as well.

Mental Stability
I have dealt with exboyfriends who have had serious mental illnesses. I can cope with depression, but beyond that I am at a loss. It may sound rude or judgemental, but I am unstable enough. I can't bring someone in who has more issues then I do.

[suzie q]

1. Sense of Humor (knows how to laugh and have fun)
"if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything." i really believe that. if you meet me and make me laugh right off the bat, you've already broken down my "wall."

2. Looks (beautiful or handsome to most)
everyone notices a person's looks first. there has to be some sort of attraction. a funny man is hot to me. hahaha. the more you make me laugh, it's like magic. you instantly turn into brad pitt.

3. Honesty (trustworthy)
i can tell if someone is being himself when i first meet him. well, at least i think i can. haha. if you lie about who you are from the beginning, what else will you lie about?

4. Personality (gets along well with your friends and family)
my family is number 1, so if you don't get along with them, i'd have to seriously reconsider. of course, every situation is different. i can recognize if my family is being difficult. this is pretty easy for me because my family wants what i want. even if they hate a guy i'm with, they'll say "as long as you're happy."

5. Sex (shows affection and adequate in bed)
i'm suuuuuuuper affectionate and i enjoy sex. well, i enjoy sex when i'm in love. every other sex i've had has been mediocre. i don't know that my ex was this fantastic lover, but i was in love. his touch could melt me to peices! i need someone who wants to hold me sometimes and is not afraid of being affectionate in public every now and then. i don't want to make out with you in front of your family and our friends, but hold my hand for goodness sakes!

6. Communication Skills (knows how to listen and share thoughts)
essential. before you freak out about how i'm acting, try to understand why i'm acting that way. tell me you don't like it and let me explain. don't lose your temper with me, that makes it worse. listen and tell me what you want. i'm not a mind reader.

7. Mental Stability (need I say more)
different situations cause people to be a certain way. falling in love and meeting someone supportive can change that. no, i don't want a psycho, but i can deal with a certain amount of baggage/issues. lord knows i have my own.

8. Religion (belief in a higher power)
he doesn't have to believe exactly what i do, but he has to respect what i believe. he doesn't even have to understand why i believe, but he HAS to respect it.

9. Money (financially secure)
at my age, people are still learning to be stable. so this goes at the bottom of the list. i think the older i get, the more important this will be. i do like a guy who is good with money because i'm not. haha. teach me something ;)

[zedtech]

My turn This is gonna be tough to rank in order but here we go...

Communication Skills (knows how to listen and share thoughts)
IMO, this is where love is found and lost. Sure physical attraction is an essential part of being in love, but if you can't communicate how you're feeling or what you're thinking in a sensible manner, love cannot survive. I hate those times where I feel like I'm sitting there and feel like I need to mind read to figure out what my partner is feeling. The more open both of us are with each other, the stronger the bond will become.

Sense of Humor (knows how to laugh and have fun)
Huge plus for me! I love to laugh and make others laugh so I have to find the same in my partner. I want to be with someone who can laugh at herself, not take herself too seriously and always try to find the positives in any situation. If she's sarcastic and knows when to turn it on and off, that's a huge bonus.

Honesty (trustworthy)
Trust is another vital key to any relationship. Trust cannot be had or given without honesty. I'd much rather be hurt by the truth than to have it held in secrecy or to be lied to.

Personality (gets along well with your friends and family)
Friends and family are a big part of my life. As such, the woman I'm with has to be someone I'd be totally comfortable with and damn proud of to meet and spend time w/ family and friends. I'm at a stage in my life where I'm ready to settle down, so being able to get along well with my closest loved ones is a definite need for me.

Looks (beautiful or handsome to most)
Physical attraction does play a part in love for me. it sounds a little shallow but I have to be attracted to my partner physically and vice versa. It's amazing how a simple smile from that special someone can totally change your day When I'm having a hard day or week, all I need is to see my girl and her smile and I'll know it'll definitely brighten up my day infinitely.

Sex (shows affection and adequate in bed)
I think that a healthy and satisfying sex life greatly strengthens a couples' relationship. I'm very affectionate and love sex (I am a guy after all lol). Not gonna lie, I love pillow talk haha. I was never one to have meaningless sex so when I'm with the person I love, you can be sure I'm going to do everything possible to make sure she's enjoying herself as much (if not more) than I am. I love to snuggle/cuddle afterwards and just enjoy the moment even if no words are exchanged.

Mental Stability (need I say more)
Everyone has their good days and bad. Everyone has some sort of baggage they bring to their relationship. As long as you're not schizophrenic, bi-polar and/or have a drug habit, we'll be fine lol.

Money (financially secure)
Someone once asked me if I'd rather die alone but wealthy or die loved and broke. I obviously chose the latter. Having all the money in the world is great and surely has a ton of advantages. Money can get me the house of my dreams, it can take me around the world... but all of that is for not if I don't have a special someone to experience it with. Love > money any day!

Religion (belief in a higher power)
I'm Catholic and go to church every Sunday. That's the extent of my practicing though. Ideally I'd like to date someone who is also a Catholic but it's certainly not a deal breaker by any means. There are millions of amazing people on this planet from different ethnic backgrounds and beliefs. Why limit yourself when the whole world is at your fingertips?

[OhManINeedCoffee]

1. Mental Stability
I'm tired of men so confused that they don't know what they want. I need someone with perspective and the ability to deal with life, and who will allow me to support them through the rough parts and who is willing to do the same for me. I can't be someone's "savior" anymore. I'm too tired.

2. Communication Skills
I especially would like someone who knows how to really "listen" rather than bulldoze right over me or just sit there waiting for it to be his turn to talk again. Like Sphynx, I need conversation with some depth to it - or even just some good-natured wit. As an English major, it's important for me to be with someone articulate.

3. Sense of Humor
I don't want to be the only one cracking stupid jokes. Enough said!

4. Honesty
I don't trust people easily - I need to be able to trust my partner.

5. Personality
I trust the judgment of my friends and family, and it's important to me what they think about someone I'm seriously involved with.

6. Sex
Sex is still extremely important to me - I have an extremely high sex drive and enjoy being affectionate and snuggly. However, I can't get to this point with someone until I know the previous 5 traits are in the bag!

7. Looks
Looks are important to everyone, but I don't always seem to go for the conventionally good-looking types. The more time I spend with someone and the more I like the other 6traits, the more attractive I'm going to find them.

8. Money
As long as he can provide for himself, it's fine. I insist on being able to support myself - I don't like it when people spend a lot of money on me. It's not necessary.

9. Religion
I'm not a religious person - I didn't grow up with any religious affiliation, and I'm completely comfortable with that. I'll never be interested in a Bible-thumper, but I'll respect a partner's religious beliefs. I will not, however, convert for anyone, because, oddly enough, I'm okay with saying, "I don't know if this exists; I'll never know; there's no possible way for me to know; and I'm okay with that."

[Warrior]

Looks (beautiful or handsome to most)

Perhaps it's shallow, I don't really care. Looks are important to me. In an "interesting" kind of way, not like a supermodel. But yes, I want to look at my girl and think "wow" :-)


Sense of Humor (knows how to laugh and have fun)

I have a strange kind of humor, bordering on "pythonesque", if you know what I mean. Some men share this, but not so many women. But I really need this to stay sane, so, it's pretty important to me that my girl shares this with me.


Sex (shows affection and adequate in bed)

I've read somewhere that guys in their 40's want it less. Can't confirm that :-)


Mental Stability (need I say more)

Yes, please!


Personality (gets along well with your friends and family)


Communication Skills (knows how to listen and share thoughts)


Honesty (trustworthy)

I'm having a hard time placing this somewhere. It's something that I think is important, but then again, it's not something I'm specifically looking for in a girl. I know that everyone lies several times a day or is not completely honest about something. So it's more like a matter of degree. I don't like being lied to, but I can shrug it off if it isn't too brazen and doesn't happen all the time.


Money (financially secure)

I couldn't care less if she has money or not. I'd rather she doesn't care all too much about money at all. I know I don't.


Religion (belief in a higher power)

More like the othe way round: If she's actively religious, this is a huge turnoff for me. Can't really stand that. Religious people don't make much sense to me. Belief in a sort of unspecified, non-personal higher power on the other hand is okay if she keeps it to herself most of the time :-)


Warrior

[Leinad88]

1. Communication Skills (knows how to listen and share thoughts) Communication is key. I'm a VERY introverted person and sometimes have trouble articulating myself depending on the subject at hand. But I can still manage to get my feelings out there when I need to and it should be no different for a partner. Holding things in just causes problems later on so open expression is a must.

2. Honesty (trustworthy) Honesty is also important but for me it goes back to communication (emotional honesty) and not necessarily telling "the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help you god". People have imaginations, my ex liked to exaggerate and "fluff" when telling stories whether or not she meant to. She is a writer, and loves to read books and stories so it made sense to me that she would let her imagination carry her away at times. Basically what I'm saying is you must be completely honest and open about what is truly important for the relationship AND you to be healthy.

3. Sense of Humor (knows how to laugh and have fun) I'm a fairly quick witted and sarcastic person in the right atmosphere. Sometimes I can be very shrewd and just plain obscene (I can make fun of anything, including myself). A lot of people do not understand this but for me it's something I've used for a long time to make sense of this crazy thing we call 'life'. If she can't take it or understand it...it's probably not going to work.

My recent ex was odd to me at first because I felt like she actually understood this aspect of my mind. I could make her laugh (even with the most awful remarks) and continued to do so every day even after she broke up with me. She just knew not to take them seriously from the start and to let loose. Obviously she also had quite a sense of humor (though not as direct as mine) to be able to laugh at the things that came out of my mouth. Long story short: gotta be able to laugh with/at each other.

4. Personality (gets along well with your friends and family) Not going to go into detail on this but I'll say it's very important. After all...they have to intrigue me enough to even get close to the point of being a potential partner.

5. Mental Stability (need I say more) If they are a little "over the edge" it wont bother me too much. They can be a emotional (I prefer it actually), they can be a little "this" or a little "that". As long as they have no serious 'chemical imbalances' I think we'll be okay.

6. Looks (beautiful or handsome to most) The more intellectually attracted to a person I am generally the more physically appealing they become to me. Initial attraction for me is based little on looks. Not to say I'd hump a troll but you get what I mean. Just to add something personal - I like my females with a little meat in the right places (there's a fine line between a little chubby and obese mind you), not 'skinny minnies'. Dark or red hair, never liked blondes. Okay so maybe I do have a FEW standards. :p

7. Sex (shows affection and adequate in bed) This was extremely hard to find a spot for and it's only here because I find the above are more important (obviously). Sex is a very integral part of a healthy relationship in my eyes. I have a very high sex drive, and am also a very physical person in a relationship, "touchy, feely". For me sex is more than a physical act though, it's very emotional as well. We have to be sexually 'compatible'.

8. Money (financially secure) Never cared about it and still don't really. I come from a family that had very little but learned to be happy and appreciate what they did have. I like nice things same as the next person but by no means am I materialistic in fact I'm the kind of guy who even if he had millions would cruise around town in a heap, you can never be too humble in life. As long as enough money is made to live 'comfortably', being able to pursue things that you wish to do in life, not necessarily have lots of 'stuff', I'm happy.

9. Religion (belief in a higher power) Not a religious person and also steer CLEAR of religious people for the most part, just not my thing. There are 'religions' however, that focus more on the person, spirituality, and creating positive energy around you rather than worship which I am quite tolerable of. Wicca, Buddhism, and Shinto just to name a few examples.

[xxSPHYNXxx]

Leinad88~ I have to say, your a "card"! As far as your sense of humor, I have to say, reminds me alot of my sons....so yes, I DO get it! We banter all the time, and he is wayyyyy quick witted!

Enjoyed reading all of these! Thank you....

xxSPHYNXxx

[Darryl2312]

Ok here I go

Looks - For me there has to be an attraction right, however in some occasions personality can shine through.

Personality - We gotta click have a laugh and that, its a MUST !

Sense of humour - Also a must, although she prob wont laugh at all my jokes lol

Honesty - Def up there you both gotta be or this aint gonna work

Communication skills - You GOTTA be able too talk about anything with each other you GOTTA !!!

Sex - Well I love it !!! And it can be taught ;)

Mental stability - Well to be fair most of my ex's aint been so I'll just pop it in here !

Money - Not important, although a sugar momma would be nice !!!

Religion - No preference.