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Thread: Just an interest or ?

  1. #1
    nick_agel
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    Default Just an interest or ?

    For those who don't know me, I'm Nick , 20 .
    I'm not new here , I joined the forums for the first time the November of 2007,
    (this profile is new due of passwprd problems etc) , and have spent so many hours helping myself and other people here. I've learned so many valuable things , made new friends , though I see the most people now I don't know them!!!!

    Ok.I broke up before 3 days with my girlfriend.It was a long distance relationship , but we had established trust and good communication.
    We were together 1 year. Before 20 days we were travelling and having fun a lot of days but now she asked me to stay alone.

    I left for two weeks in a trip with my parents. We had a small fight(I'm nervous and jealous sometimes) and after that she started reducing the number of calls and texts.For two weeks she kept to ruin my vacation, speaking cold , texting cold , being distant , and me making the mistake to texting her all the time.

    Finally she told me that she wants to stay alone,that she isn't in mood , she is tired of our relationship , having to text all the time , and this whole thing has nothing to do with me and that she loves me.

    Ouch! That hurted a little I can tell.
    After that I stopped texting and calling and begging and everyday she is texting me.I don't know if she wants to stay friends (noway) or she is changing her mind but I can't do NC with her calling me!

    Last night she texted me to she what I'm doing and I wasn't replying soon.And then she started calling! I replied after an hour but she talked me again cold.
    So I see doing NC and replying after an hour to her texts and calls is a good idea don't you think?

    I'm just trying to save myself from further pain and of course making her to understand that I'm not needy anymore..

  2. #2
    Slick
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    Hello Nick, glad you returned

    Based on my experience i can say that long distance relationship have a strong tendency to go down the hill pretty fast if the parteners are both 17 -22 age ranged...it's not a general rule but it's an age in which feelings/emotonal moods are maintained more via the primary senses (tactil/touch and optical/visual) and less via communication/verbal bonding. At this age a long distance relationship is more exposed to day to day temptations, bursts of based on uncertainty gealosy and let's face it , even in her group of girlfriends the novelty and mistery of the "new far away guy" wears of pretty fast.

    About the vacations fights, my opinnion is that they didn't came out of the blue, considering this is a LDR (long distance relationship) and it wouldn't have matter if you are 100 miles away or 10 times more -> linking her behaviour to the Distance is not a true fact if you ask me (she was fine with it untill now)

    Then again i don't think the fight you had prior to your departure had anything to do with it also....i bet that was not your first gealousy based argue the two of you had, so this kind of experience is not something new to her either.

    I give it a 70-80% chance she either had a flirt or seriously started seeing someone else...her calling you now is just her reaction to loosing you BY YOUR CHOICE/TERMS as opposed to HERS and her continuos cold/moody attitude is her way of showing it.

    If it was me i would have probably gone to NeverHeardFrom'sville right after that "tired of the relationship" line but you have to realise Nick that what is happening right now is not a relationship but a dragging towards the end at a snail's pace. I doubt it will ever come back to the happy days you had, but you can give it a try and talk with her, making her sure that you are unhappy with the current situation and her current behaviour. If she's not open to discussion and plays the cold shoulder card again , let her be - you are in your 20's and there's lots of fish in the sea...ohh and save some tears for the future girls/women you are going to meet...dunno why but men the tendency to run out of stock for one woman alone

    Cheers, Mike

  3. #3
    nick_agel
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    Thank you very much for your reply Slick.
    She spend every August to her village seeing her cousins who live far away.I'm almost sure she is with them.
    The fact is that she got tired being under her mobile all the time and she mentioned that she was calm all the days that we didn't talk so much .
    I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE KEEPS TALKING COLD,EVEN NOW THAT WE BROKE UP!

    I also can't understand these words you wrote here (I'm not a master in english!):
    ''her calling you now is just her reaction to loosing you BY YOUR CHOICE/TERMS as opposed to HERS and her continuos cold/moody attitude is her way of showing it.''

    Oh,another thing that I didn't said is that something like that happened the past November.We wouldn't speak for days ,but then I texted her ,we started talking a little ,then after 15 days we met for two hours and then we were together again..

    Another fact is that today she didn't communicate .Yesterday and before 2 days she did. Maybe I shouldn't reply her last night .Maybe I should have texted today, to let her wondering and peaking her interest a little..

  4. #4
    Slick
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    Well Nick it seems to me that this kind of cold silent War of the Nerves is not something new to you (war of the nerves = let's see who cracks up first). In my opinnion, when you like/love/feel atracted to someone you try as much as you can to be in contact with him/her using all the methods you have at your disposal in a given situation....you know those soapy but cute lines girls use, like "i love hearing your voice"/'your voice conforts me" ....the girl you are talking about SAYS she is bothered/tired of talking with you via phone but her ACTIONS prove that the only thing bothering her is YOU CALLING HER (on your terms, when you want) - she has no problems using the evil phone when SHE IS CALLING YOU (on her terms, when she wants)....raises a few questions, doesn't it ?

    Carefull now Nick, you are stepping into "Maybe/what if" Land and that's not a good thing ...given the fact that those cold "I ain't talking to you" periods are not something new between the two of you , i can honestly say that to me this looks more like a "from time to time affair" rather than a relationship.

  5. #5
    nick_agel
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    Yeah Slick that raises a few questions because I expected her to be more kind-hearted as soon as we broke up and I am not disturbing her at all.
    This is a nerves war.
    Maybe she wants to talk about us, I don't know..
    I only know that I should let her texting first as I am doing since we broke up.(if she will communicate again)
    If she texts/calls again and speaks cold again, be sure that I will ask her why she is doing that .
    I don't think she was sure when she asked me to broke up.She even texted me the same day we broke up..
    An example of the communication she is giving:
    Her:''What are you doing? Are you sleeping?''
    Me(replying after an hour):'Hey I was with my parents/out for a walk/doing sth..What are you doing?''
    Her:''I'm watching a movie with my cousin..I'll sleep now,Goodnight''

  6. #6
    nick_agel
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    Well I got drunk again yesterday (wine addict) and text her to see what she is doing.
    She replied immediately telling me she is with her cousin.
    The next texts were saying how she pasted her weekend and asking how I am passing my time.
    I told her that I'm happy she is having nice time , and that's true love (you know wanting your girl to be fine even if she is not without you).
    After an hour I texted her again and asking her if she was sleeping and that we could talk a little more..She replied:
    ''I'm going to sleep..I have to wake up early in the morning tommorow..Goodnight,sweet dreams..''

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