You are the BEST!!! Thank you so much for your honesty and kick in the pants posts... they are so timely that I think you are living in my head at times....
Sometimes despite our greatest effort, we fail. Sounds simplistic enough to comprehend yet so many of us chose to waste time blaming ourselves regardless if it was our fault or not. I wasted time after my breakup years ago. I would sit around trying to analyze and over-analyze what happened and what I could have done to prevent such an event.
The truth was that regardless of my feelings and thoughts at the time, I was merely spinning my wheels but going nowhere. In time, I came to the conclusion that the more I thought of my ex the more I was allowing myself to hurt. I was choosing to blame myself for the break because my way of thinking was merely clouded.
I was choosing to give my ex the power I needed for myself. My thoughts were consumed. My nights were restless with thoughts of us together and my imagination ran wild with thought of her with someone else. I was choosing to not only push the imaginary knife deeper into my heart but throwing salt on an already open wound. It took me almost four months to change my thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, I still loved my ex but I started to change my attitude and by changing my attitude in a positive light it began the necessary steps of changing my way of thinking. Instead of me feeling sorry for my loss, I began to open my mind to new opportunities. I chose to “let go” of what I had in order to move forward.
Think of it this way, if you held tightly to a rope that was tied to a horse and the horse started to run, what would happen to you? Chances are you would attempt to run as fast if not faster than the horse, but eventually you would fall and begin to be dragged. After you fall, which would indeed be painful, would you continue to hold the rope in hopes of more personal injury or would you choose to let go? Makes more sense to let go in my opinion yet there are so many that choose to hold on and only hurt themselves more in the process. Why waste time on someone who left you? Why try and figure out what they are thinking? Why would you want to stop your day to day life in order to “figure out” if someone is thinking of you or coming back?
We have all had the millions of questions that go through our minds like mini ping pong balls a million strong bouncing around so quickly in such a small space that you can’t keep track of all your thoughts let alone try and answer the very questions you are hoping to be answered. We can’t change the past nor can we live in it despite our greatest efforts. I am no one special. I have been in your shoes. I have felt possibly the same feelings you are having right now but I came out clean on the other side better than ever.
How did I do it? How did I start feeling better? Simple, I made a necessary change in my attitude. I decided (I came to my reasonable senses) that I have no control over another living, breathing person on this planet. Despite how my heart feels, I can’t make someone love me just as much as I can’t make them think about me or possibly call. I was wasting time by thinking of her. Sure I still loved her but I decided I love me MORE. I am the only me that I’ve got. If she didn’t see me for the man I was, then someone else would. I often say “Treasures don’t look for pirates”. If she chose to start seeing someone else, I had no control over it so why waste my time, thoughts and energy thinking about it?
My words to live by are “Actions Speak Louder than Words”. Those very words have NEVER done me wrong. Do our ex’s think of us? Sure they do but we can’t sit around hoping they think of us or want to call. The more we put our focus on our ex’s , the more we take it off ourselves. We have all shared wonderful times with our ex’s but we can’t stay in the past. Truth be told that you are single for a reason. Something happened that allowed you and your ex to separate regardless of if it were temporary or forever. It’s already over. It’s gone. Kaput...now quit sulking about it and learn to move forward. Pick your chin off the floor and get moving. You have a lot of work to do.
No one ever said this process was easy. Don’t assume that it happens overnight because it doesn’t. It takes time to heal your heart but if you want something bad enough that involves you, you can make it yours. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. If you need to vent to friends then do it. If you feel the need to write about it, then pour out your inner most thoughts but let it out. Let out all your feelings until you are exhausted.
Feeling down is only temporary. Open the curtains and put both feet on the floor. Life doesn’t stop because you are down and out. Find that inner strength to put one foot in front of the other and make a positive change for the better today! What are you waiting for? You are the author of your destiny. No one can control that. No one can take that away from you. Choose your characters wisely. Some will come and some will go but regardless, you write the ending.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle
Welcome, did you say you are looking for a girlfriend? Is that, you have someone in mind, or you just would like to be less shy so you can find one?
All the best,
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha
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