She's pregnant

UncaD · 08-26-2009, 08:35 PM

Okay, i feel numb.

I got a phone call tonight from one of my oldest friends to tell me that my ex-wife is pregnant. He is an old school friend of her new boyfriend, and saw he had put the news on his bebo page and thought it best that i know.
After the 2 years of trying for a baby and the miscarriage, i dont know how i feel. I shaked for about an hour after i was told. Obviously she has nothing to do with me, but it still hurts. I want a family more than anything in the world, she cheats on me and ends up being pregnant just over a year since the split.

On one hand i'm happy for her having the child she has wanted for the past 5 years, but on the other hand i feel...numb, cheated, sad and...numb!

I'm kinda down tonight, any one got any good advice?

**Dan72** · 08-27-2009, 02:51 AM

Mate I'm so sorry you're feeling so blue

I completely empathise with you and would feel exactly the same,.... I don't think you would be human if you didn't. The thing is, you WILL have the family you crave so deeply my friend, but with the RIGHT person. It's easy to make assumptions that everything is delightfully happy with the ex and her new beau, however, just because she is pregnant, doesn't mean it's all roses with them. I know you're hurting due to the struggle you both had to start a family, but you know what? Everything happens for a reason, and the time just wasn't right for you at that point in your life. If you and her would have started a family, would it have prevented you from breaking up? Possibly, but for the wrong reasons. If you broke up, it could have caused lots of further issues due to access rights etc. Whatever happened, happened because someone bigger than all of us can see the bigger picture in all this. Sadly we don't see that, we just see the pain we face.

I know it's not easy mate, but your time WILL come, and when you do start a family, you'll have the stable, loving and harmonious relationship with the most perfect woman for you,... and that woman is not her. Try to stay positive, and maybe try to look at it differently. You're probably best out of all of that mess. You say she was desperate for a child for 5 years,... well, I'm sure that isn't a valid reason for her to be with someone!

Chin up my friend, you're a much stronger person that you believe.

**SuperDave71** · 08-27-2009, 08:06 AM

Unca,

I am so sorry you feel this way my friend. I know it's difficult to not only lose an ex-wife but potentially a family. Try to remember that YOU have done nothing wrong. You are not to blame for your current situation. You did EVERYTHING a loving husband COULD have done and more. You can't make someone love you that just doesn't.

I have NO DOUBT in my mind that you have great things coming your way. I know it's hard to see but keep your heart open. We may not see the things that are in front of us but if we are patient and keep our thoughts and attitudes positive, you will begin to see new doors of opportunity open for you.

Try not to take this personally. Thank God that your prayers were UNANSWERED if you can. The last thing you ever wanted was a BROKEN family. Keep your heart strong and your mind keen and focused on what it is that you DO want. I have the utmost faith in you Unca. You are loved and I know that everyone agrees that you will always find what you are looking for.

NEVER GIVE UP!

Your Friend,

SuperDave71

ruby09 · 08-27-2009, 12:13 PM

Sorry your'e down. Would you have wanted a family with someone who cheated on you and wasn't right for you? Believe me destiny always has our best interest planned even if we can't see it. One day you will look back and say thank God I dodged that bullet. I know that really doesn't help the pain right now. You are a really good looking guy and there is a woman out there who will be right, I promise.Just because we are in love or facinated by someone doesn't make them right for us. You couldn't see that so destiny changed the road in order to free you to find the right one. Hang in there friend, we are all here for you. THIS TOO SHALL PASS......;)

UncaD · 08-27-2009, 04:38 PM

Thaks for the support folks!

I am okay about it today. It was just such a shock yesterday and not something I was expecting at all!

I knew the day would come, but didnt think it would be so soon, and I was expecting to be told by her. I dont know why I thought she would do the honour of letting me know herself because she has never faced any problems or responsibilities in the past, I just thought that it would be the right and honourable thing for her to tell me. I'll wait and see if I get a call or a txt lol! I actually avoided my ex-sister-in-law tonight while I was out shopping because I didnt want to have to put her in that position!

But hey, as I said, I think I am in a way, happy for her. She wanted a family as much as I did, so she is now able to start one. Fingers crossed that it lasts the full term. And I do mean that sincerely. Although I dont have the feelings that I had for her any more, and although I have now seen her for what she is and all her faults now I have been able to take a step back...I wouldnt wish another miscarriage on her.

As for me...I dunno. I honestly dont know how I feel about it. I'm still kinda numb. Should I feel anything about it? Yes, its the child I should have had with her, and yes its the child I wanted to have with her, but as alot of you have said...its best that we didnt have any. Would the marriae still have ended if she had never miscarried back in 2004? Who knows...personally I dont think it would have, but hey...none of us are fortune tellers! (or are any of you? :1-pmsl: )

To be honest, whenever I think about it, generally my head just goes blank. My heart isnt doing somersaults, my stomach isnt churning. I dont actually feel anything about it today.

The funny thing is...from what I have been told she is due in March...how funny would it be if it had the same birthay as me!?!? :1-pmsl:

Anyway, onwards and upwards! The next likely scenario which I'll no doubt be asking questions about is what do I say or how do I act should I meet her once she is visibly pregnant?

Thanks again folks! I truly am taken aback every time I come on here at home kind you all are!

thatdoggirl · 08-29-2009, 11:50 AM

Hey, long time no talk, sorry about the big shock. Glad you are feeling better about it today. I imagine I'd be a little weirded out if I found out my ex got some girl pregnant too. I can relate a little bit with you in a different way.

My boyfriend has two daughters from a previous relationship. His daughters are lovely and I enjoy their company when their mom lets them visit. However, sometimes I get this frustrated, impatient feeling because I really want to get married and have kids of my own. Logically I understand it's just impatience and I have PLENTY of time as I am still young but at the same time (especially with being a girl) I have that motherly instinct thing going on. Every time I see a baby or little kid it's like instant "awwww I want one". LOL! I've only been dating my boyfriend a few months though and I want to get married before I have a kid and in a better position financially so logically I'm right with him on not wanting a kid right nowww.

I know it's got to be weird to see something you really wanted, happen... with someone else. Sometimes it seems a little bit unfair, but I agree that we all have our time for a reason. You have more of a reason to be wanting a family then me since you are older and such, but who knows, maybe it's the best for you. One day you'll have a wonderful family that you won't regret. Throw out the what if's, the impatience, let go and enjoy life and you will get what you want when you least expect it.

Also, I agree with what was said above about how it may not be all roses between them just because she's having a baby. I'm a firm believer in karma. I wish for the best for her and her baby and all though too.

As for if you ever bump into her when she is showing, just act normal.. like you. Just be you and don't forget to smile!

suzie q · 09-08-2009, 11:22 AM

hey unca!

i'm glad to see you're feeling better

dave is right - as usual - that sometimes we have to be thankful for the unanswered prayers. was your relationship one that would have been best for the child?

i've realized that crappy things happen, but they always seem to happen for the best.

i almost cracked up laughing at work when you just told me that the baby's birthday may be on yours - now that would be something.

it will happen for you, i have no doubt! another thing i've learned in the last year or so is that things happen when you don't try to force it; things just happen on their own, when you least expect it to happen.

hang in there, buddy!

thatdoggirl · 09-09-2009, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by suzie q

it will happen for you, i have no doubt! another thing i've learned in the last year or so is that things happen when you don't try to force it; things just happen on their own, when you least expect it to happen.

Just quoting this because I could not agree more! From my own experience, I've had times of impatience on many things in life but when I let go of the pressure and just go with the flow life seems to just... happen.