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Thread: Sex drive thread... again

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    Default Sex drive thread... again

    Since this is a bit of a reoccuring pattern I realize that I take credit for some of this "issue". I understand that I have a pretty high sex drive and I'm young so I'm at my peak right now. The last guy I dated was 27 and the current guy I'm dating is almost 30. I'm almost 22. So maybe my mistake here is that I'm dating guys that are too old so they are past their peak. LOL. Or maybe it's just my fault. You know people say that the relationship kind of gets boring and dies down a bit after the honeymoon stage. I guess for me when it comes to sex... that stage doesn't stop. I like to have sex about 3-4 times a week. When my bf and I started dating there was no complaining there but ofcourse as time goes on it's more and more of the pull away kind of thing. I feel bad though because I've been getting mad about it lately. The other day it had been a couple days or so and I was in the mood and tried and he didn't want to. Then later that day he wanted to. Now it's been a few more days and I came home last night to him acting grumpy.. so I tried in the morning to "wake him up" and he didn't. So when he got out of the room I took it upon myself to look into other options for my own pleasure but I was still mad because I got rejected again. I'm sorry.. I'm just starting to get mad because if relationships go two ways then I should be able to iniate just as much as he does. I don't want to get stuck in this pattern where he gets some when he wants it but I don't get any when I want it but the problem is that it doesn't bother him if he goes without sex for a while. For me, I'm used to having sex often, like 3 times a week, and I like it that way... it's important to me because I like affection.. not just sex but cuddling and all that girly stuff.

    So what can I do to turn the tables a bit? He already knows that this is an issue because he knows I've been mad about it.

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    Ohhhh, Jess, my fellow horny Capricorn - we really have a rough time with this issue!

    First of all, I'm almost 27, and I'll tell you that if you have a high sex drive to begin with when you're younger....it's not going to "die down" with the years - so you might be at your sexual peak for a loooooong time. I wouldn't say the guys you've dated are "past their prime" because they're older - it may just be that their sex drives are not as high as yours to begin with. It can get frustrating to find a middle ground here, and my only advice is to be open with him about it. Otherwise it's going to wind up with you feeling rejected and resentful...and never being able to explain why.

    I agree that it's wrong for it to turn into a situation where he can get it whenever he wants it but not the other way around.

    People might suggest that you turn him down once in awhile to turn the tables on him - but who are we kidding? I have a feeling you're a little like me in that, if he's putting the moves on you (and even if you're not in the mood at the moment, putting the moves on can easily change your mind), then why the hell would you turn him down? It'd be like someone offering me a free pint of Guinness and me saying, "Yeah....no, thanks." It's a waste of a good opportunity to enjoy something you love - you just don't want to take that stuff for granted.

    What I'm trying to say is, I'm not going to say "Shut him down once in awhile" like most people would. But here's some links I found that I hope will help:

    Tips For Dealing With Different Sex Drives In a Relationship - Info Barrel

    Tips for dealing with differing sex drives in couples - by Douglas Black - Helium

    Tips for dealing with differing sex drives in couples - by Bridget Webber - Helium
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    Just to intrude,... I'm pretty old, but my sex drive has ALWAYS been through the damn roof and it doesn't seem to slow down. Just wanted to reinforce what Kel said, that the sex drive probably wasn't as high as yours to begin with rather than his age.
    -Peace
    Dan

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    So, uh, Dan.........you wanna hang out sometime?

    KIDDING!!!! I couldn't resist.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    lol I opened myself up to that one huh!
    -Peace
    Dan

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    Hmm... thanks for the feedback. I'm glad I'm not the only one. LOL. Strange thing is that he is a Cappie too!

    Anyway, I'm not sure what to do. I guess keep talking about it and dealing with it.

    I see your point on the not turning the tables and saying no... because you're right. It is like saying no to a free pint of Guinness. It feels wrong... you may think in your head you can get some free Guinness later but look... it's right here... NOW!! LOL

    Hmm... I'll try to figure out something.

    One thing I want to point out that I saw in those articles and that I have seen in past articles is that they always offer suggestions on ways for partners with lower sex drives to increase their libido... but I've never seen anything that helps DECREASE it. I kinda wish there was something like that sometimes.

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    I've noticed that trend too, Jess. I'm not sure there IS a way to lower your sex drive if you've already got a high one - other than the age-old tradition of just thinking about baseball.

    The only way I was ever able to "deal" with having a higher sex drive than my partner was to *ahem* take care of things myself in order to take the edge off. That always seemed to work out well for me. It's not a cure-all, and it's certainly no substitute, but it can help "calm things down" a little.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    We talked about it. He knows how I feel but he doesn't think it's as big of a deal as I think it is. It's kinda pissing me off because like last night he just kept saying can we go to bed now. I tried to be cool about it and this morning I woke up early and couldn't fall back asleep because I was still in the mood. I could've took care of myself but I did that a couple days ago and I didn't feel like doing that. I like privacy when I take care of myself and it's kind of tough to do that when we share the same bed. Hmm... I am so horny.

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    I hear ya Jess. That IS annoying. How often is he in the mood in comparison with how often you're in the mood?

    Also, I like my privacy when "taking care of business" too. But I'm also sneaky and was able to do it after my ex fell asleep on several occassions.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    Well, even though I'm in the mood like everyday I know that everyone isn't like that so we were both like every other day or so... so I'd say it was like 3 times a week for both of us. Then recently it's like he's only in the mood once a week but a couple times recently he'll have sex because he knows that I'm in the mood and frustrated. It's like lately he doesn't want me initiating or something because if I try to initiate he's just not in the mood.

    I don't know.. but last night I went to bed and just laid down turned the other way not expecting anything... just figuring it would be another one of those nights and then he started making moves on me and then he was in the mood again this morning. So what the heck?! LOL. I mean, I'm not complaining about it but GEEZE!

    So I guess the answer to your question is in my dream world I'd love sex everyday.. in my realistic world I'd love sex 3 times a week. In his I'm used to his being 3 times a week but now it's more like once a week( or whenever I'm not the one initiating for some weird reason.. he didn't used to be like that).
    Last edited by thatdoggirl; 10-16-2009 at 09:19 AM.

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