Hey I feel your pain. I have been down such a similair road with my x. Just when you try and let go they pop back up only to hurt you time and time again. Its so confusing. I have tried everything with this girl. I know how you feel. Trying to move on when you love someone so much. People around me think im crazy too starting to think they might be right. The back and forth thing is so draining. It seems like your best bet would be NC but I know its soo hard. Just when you think you are making some progess you just get set back again and it never gets easier. I want to tell you that I think everything happens for a reason. Never used to believe that but i really think its true. I have heard the line from my x your the only person I want to be with and I want to marry you blah blah blah... I fall for it all the time. Its so hard to know what is true and what is just bull.
Im here for you if you want to talk. We are both going through a similiar sitiaution so I know what its like. Be good !!