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Thread: My story is almost dramatic like a lame soap opera

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    Unhappy My story is almost dramatic like a lame soap opera

    Dear SuperDave and everyone,

    First of all, I'm not a native English speaker but I'll try my best to make sense here, please bear with me. I've followed many threads of SuperDave and others from another site but I couldn't post any threads there for some reasons. Anyways I'm very confused and please hear my story. I'll try to make it as short as possible.
    My ex boyfriend, let's call him Dan. He is a very very good looking guy, a model..and his dream is to become famous as an actor. Since he doesn't speak the language we speak here in my country, I've been helping him a lot and he's taking speaking and reading classes.


    Things were great until one day, I realized that I became dependent on him, we would spend everyday together..and do the same thing everyday.. It's just like I was missing out my old life that I had and I told him that I needed to get myself together and maybe a relationship is not what is right for me right now. I know it was a stupid thing to say because it wasn't what I meant to say but I was so confused. Dan comforted me and said I had everything going for me and not to worry about it but then a few days later he said what I said got him thinking and he doesn't want a serious relationship. He said he's falling in love with me hard even though it has been only a few months but he's starting to feel the same way as he did for his ex of 5 years. He said he's not ready for that but he is in love with me. I told him not to leave me and he didn't ( yet )
    until I started to sense that he didn't act the same anymore and he broke it off with me a week after.



    He was still seeing me quite often even though I was really emotional unstable..I was begging I cried days and nights.. but one day I just couldn't cry anymore ..Like my depression reached its peak and it just has to fall down, u know? nothing was better..time just healed. So I started to feel better and went on LC with him. It was ok.. I was always nice to him.


    One day I saw him at a party with a pretty famous actress here in my country. They were having such a good time. He gave her kisses too though it wasn't like passionate kiss or anything. But she was probably aware of the papparazzi since it's pretty conservative here. At the end of the night he finally saw me. He talked to me the next day that it was the first time he went on a date after the break up and he felt awful that I saw it. he felt like he cheated on me and he felt so so bad. So I said it was one last chance, if he doesn't come back to me then it's really over. and he still didn't.


    So I wrote him a nice message on facebook that I lost my mind last night.. I agree with the break up, I think I want to be single as well. It was 3 am that time.. he wrote on my wall 10 min after saying "call me"
    I didn't call him. 30 min after he texted me "r u awake? i wanna talk"
    I didn't answer. So basically, I've reversed the situation. And it's been quite good between me and him since then. He started calling constantly ..asking to see me .. he always says that he misses me.
    Oh One thing is ..it's not a bad break up..there is no solid reasons for the break up at all..the feelings were still there.


    Since the beginning of the break up, he never never showed me any signs he wants me out of his life ..quite the opposite actually. He always says that it's not really over between us which makes me more angry with him.
    ok back to the business here,
    We met pretty often then and every time , it never felt like we broke up at all. We always had each other in our lives.. We do everything we did together when we were a couple including physical stuff only we don't sleep over anymore. He even told my best friend that he wanted me back. Last Wednesday, he came over to my place pretty late with flowers, beers, and cigarettes ..we chilled out on the rooftop and had such a great time together. I mentioned that I knew what he told my best friend and he was like "what did I tell him?" with a smile on his face. I said "u know" he said "I want u to say it" and I was like "why? u know already what u said but it doesn't matter" ..cos I really think if he really wants me back he should be the one saying it. and we changed the topic. Anyways, it was a really nice time.


    It seemed like there was no problems, right? Not


    On Friday, he was on the news for hitting on the actress I saw he was with a month ago. My friends kept driving me nuts calling, emailing , texting me about the news. Imagine how awful I feel when someone u love so much is on the news everywhere about dating this hot actress. I avoid watching TV or reading the entertainment sections but my friends are frantic..I mean, please i don't want to know.


    So I decided to meet him for the last time of this year on Saturday. I was very nice to him and very calm. We had a talk. He said that the news is pretty much made up but yes he is hanging out with her. I didn't know that because when he started calling me and talking to me since three weeks ago like I was his gf again ..I said "I don't want to be your doormat,Dan..you are seeing someone else and I don't want to get involved" and he said "You're crazy! I'm not seeing anyone. She's hitting on me..I'm not hitting on her" and I believed him. I didn't know that he would go with her whenever she invited him to but now I know at the same time as the rest of the people in the country. I feel so dumb and used.


    So our almost last conversation was like this . He said "I feel so bad Alice, I'm so sorry for my actions, for taking advantages of u" "I always care about you more than her, I can't trust her like I trust u" and, "I just have to let u go", "It takes a lot of me to say this but I think I'm denying myself that I'm in love with you" "I want u to meet my parents when they are here", etc.


    He's off to his country for Xmas for 3 weeks in 2 weeks from now..he said he will call me before he leaves.. He said he will call me a lot when he's with his family there too.
    and all the sweet stuff that doesn't make sense at all
    Anyways, at the end of the day we agreed on not to talk and see each other for at least two weeks until he leaves. He asked me for a kiss goodbye on the lips but I refused..he kept begging for the kiss but I didn't give it.


    I was very strong and didn't give him any signs I was so hurt and I was actually very honest when I told him that I'm happy for him and she looks really good..I hope that he's happy. He said he's not happy..I don't know why he said that. I said that I'm really not mad which was really true. It felt good to see him and it made me happy to see him happy. I said I really don't mind that he's seeing that actress..and he's like "really? that means u just don't care" and I said "I do care but it's your decision and I'm just happy if u're happy" I meant it. He put up a sad face and said "You are just so great..too good to be true....f**k"


    I mean, frankly, I'm not an ugly girl at all and I attract men too..he knows there are guys hitting on me all the time and now someone he knows is going on dates with me which makes Dan so jealous. Let's call this guy, Larry. Larry is perfect and I see him from time to time.. but honestly , I'm really not ready for a new relationship. Dan is so pissed off that I see Larry ..he even said that he would stop talking to me if I hang out with Larry..he said he knows it's unreasonable but it makes him feel bad.
    Dan is always worried whenever I go party or not online at night. He's pretty jealous.. why?? when he doesn't want me all to himself.


    Anyways, before we left each other on Saturday, he asked me "if I came back to u today, would u take me back" ..I shook my head.. then he said "what about later?" I said "it depends" and he said "I know I'll come crawling back to you possibly when you're Larry's gf already and you are just going to say no to me, believe me" I didn't say anything.


    I felt pretty good with the meeting for some reasons.. I was proud of myself for really being happy for him and that I could show him I could live without him and the whole news thing don't really affect me.
    BUT
    I got home, checked my emails.. my sooo nice friend sent me the articles about him and that actress again!! And I felt like writing Dan. I said I really do hope that he's happy and said that he's in the article , he should check it out. Good feedback .. yeah
    He replied "So sorry about all this ****,Alice..Love you, I will really miss you. We can't be over" ..we can't be over?? What is he talking about???


    I replied "When you say you love someone, always mean it" then blocked him on my facebook. I felt like I've had enough of his actions . I don't know what to believe anymore. That was yesterday.
    Today Stupid me..I got so excited about the smiling moon! u know the two stars above the moon which makes it a smiley face so I called him and told him to see it but he was like I can't see it from my balcony like he wasn't so excited which turned me off and made me feel bad for calling him. I ended the convo pretty cold actually. 5 min later he called me and asking if I"m ok..I said I'm just tired and I just wanted him to see it because it's so cute. He said "You sound so cuteee and If you want me to see something cute then just send me your pic" !! He's doing it again!!!!!!!!! Being so nice and sweet!! ><!!! and I was just like ha..ok i'm gonna go. Ten min after he called me again so this time I decided not to answer.


    And the fact that people call me ten times a day telling me to watch the news is not helping me at all. My best guy friend is being so supportive!! ( sarcasm ) He called me and like "shiiiitttt..she's so hot, I set her pic as my desktop wallpaper" This is not making it easy for me at all.


    However,

    Conclusion,
    Can anyone please explain to me what is going on here? I don't want to think that he's an arsehole intentionally. Is he really confused what he wants? I mean after his first date with the actress which I happened to be there, he began kinda chasing me again? If he really really is into her then he would be focusing on her, right??? Oh and she's really pretty I know but she can't really speak English so ..no good communication? I think he might be just amused by the cameras and all the news that is getting him so famous without having to work hard at all. which pretty much makes him a loser. I mean, if he sooooooo fancies her then how could he be so emotional and so nice to me all these times he has been seeing her as well??


    Well, it's quite hassled for them to see each other because of the paparazzis. They can't even hold hands in public and things like that. Oh! and my friend talked to him this morning and he told her that he's not the actress's bf. He also told her that he thinks between me and him is not completely over. So my friend said
    "i care about Alice so much and i don't want u to keep hurting her. she cares about u a lot and she told me about u. please stop to make her think u really care. If u really want her happy u wont do this to her. i hope (the actress) is as nice as Alice and hope u r happy and finally leave her alone if u don't really want her. I know she can't make you famous so if u're happy now then u shouldn't be seeing two girls at the same time. I hate seeing my friend being treated badly."


    Do u think what my friend said will somehow make him feel something?


    What do I do from now on? I'm going for NC.. I blocked him on messenger and facebook and deleted his number which is silly cos I can memorize it anyway. This is going to be the first time since 2 months of the break up that we actually are not going to talk at all. I mean, we never felt like we broke up at all!!! Will NC help?? I know it will help me move on but if I want him back, is it a good idea??
    What is he actually? Someone who can't just make up his mind or a total a**hole? I'm so confused.. what does he want :'(


    Why does he keep saying it's not over when we're not together anymore???
    Is he worth being loved by me???? I know I do care and love him but I'm so confused who he actually is?? Why does he say he love me and not want me? It doesn't make sense!!!!! Please tell me what to do.. I'm so lost right now.


    I'm so sorry for the really long post :'(

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    Hi Alice. This is what I think about your situation...
    Fist of all, you need to see that this guy is NOT been fair with you at all. I mean he's dating that actress and still wanted to see you and keep you as his plan B. And also he's not aware about your feelings at all. He knows that you are watching the news and saw him with this actress (that must really hurt) but keep telling you that it's not over?? COME ON!!! Open your eyes! Don't let him get with this.
    Like SD says all the time ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. If he really cares about you then he shouldn't keep on dating this actress...
    Show him that is his loss. Start NC right now. And don't break it, even if he calls you!
    You need to see in the news that he's not dating this actress anymore and then, just then, you can speak to him again.
    Good luck and I don't speak english too but I hope you got my advice.
    Keep us posted.
    Last edited by Tiggerinlondon; 12-13-2008 at 03:17 AM.

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    I think he still has feelings for you but he also likes the actress. What maybe started as a publicity stunt has become something else. He feels attracted to her too (and especially her bennefits) and he can't choose between the two of you.
    He knows he just has to say something sweet and you melt. (haven't we all fallen for that?) I agree with Romi that you should start the no contact right away. He is treating you as his plan B.
    Tell him It's you or her! He can't have you both.

    If he's smart he will choose you because the actress is just playing with him and she will exchange him as soon as she finds another toy. And if he chooses her it will be his loss.

    I know you love him and it will be hard to go through a break up but don't let any man use you.

    Be strong, we are here for you. You said you are an atractive girl so you don't have to take his behaviour. If he can't appriciate you than he's not worth it.

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    Thank you so much everyone :'( It will be hard not to talk to him but I'll do it!!!! I will not initiate any contacts first .. I hope all the best for you two!! Good things happen to good people, I do believe so.

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    Welcome to the LoveLogic Alice,

    In reading your situation here... it all comes down to its all about "him"! Whenever things look like your going to move on then he reels you back enough to keep you happy! Actions Alice never lie... "words" do!

    He wants to be a movie star... he wants.. he wants.. what about you Alice? I do agree he is with the actress for exposure and probably has feelings for her but she too will move on don't be anyones Plan B....it will start with her then what about the next "her"!

    You deserve to be treated in the manner of how you treat others...Is this the kind of realtionship you want? It appears by continueing your heart is going to continue to be broke....Do the NC, get yourself back to the old "you", I am sure she is waiting for you to once again find her!!!

    Good luck to you... I also want to say that bad things happen to "good" people all the time, its how we choose to move on....take these life lessons become stronger for them but know that your "better" and you deserve "better" than that!

    xxSPHYNXxx



    Everything will be ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end

    Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

    HUGS!

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    Thank you Sphynx! What you're saying is so true. I totally agree with you. I know with all my heart that he's being very selfish and treating me the way I don't deserve to be treated. It just hurts so much because I still hope that he's not really like this and one day, he will realize it and make it up to me It's not because he left that broke my heart but it's the fact that he turned out to be such a j*rk was what disappointed me so much. :'( How can I accept that he's not being fair and I need to realize he's not worth it? Why do I still want him :'(

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    You want him because you have good memories with him and also because you still love him but you need to see that his not a good person and is hurting you. Protect yourself from hurt.
    Maybe he is confuse but don't allow him to be with 2 girls at the same time. Let him miss you. And most important show him that you are strong and can live without him.
    Now he can't see what it is to lose you. I mean REALLY lose you. Show it to him.
    Stay in NC and don't pick up the phone when he calls you. Be strong!

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    hey Romi, thank you so much for a such a good advice. I'm staying strong with the NC because it's the best for me right now. I have no reasons to contact him anyway..
    But I've been thinking about him every second! This is so bad

    I know I shouldn't have done this but I've been googling to find articles about him and the girl .. which hurt me a lot because I found one comment saying "I've seen him around ......... area with her so often" which is HIS area! I don't know if it's true but it makes me realize how much of an a$$hole he is. I feel so used and I think all want know is to see him realize how bad of a person he is for doing this to me and I hope he regrets and know that he lost someone who's really important to him. This is just all I want. I hate to see him turning to be a person who becomes "successful" by taking the easy way out. He's not a man for doing this at all.
    How could he pretend to be so in love with me all this time he was seeing the other girl?? you know by saying he misses me, he wants to see me, he comes over and all the physical stuff..yes we still slept together often. He still said things like he misses cuddling with me and how good we are together. He said he wants me to meet his PARENTS! what the creep.
    Is he really that evil or what??
    I hope all the best for you all too .. We don't deserve this

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    Oh I'm so sorry but you shouldn't go on google... That's why we all blocked our ex on facebook, msn, etc, so we can't get hurt by those kind of things... If your eyes don't see those things then you can't get hurt by it...
    I don't think you should let him sleep with you too. I know this is the most difficult thing to do because in bed is where we feel more close to the other person but you should respect yourself and your body and make him miss to be with you that way. Again show him what he's losing...
    If he really loves you he will come back
    Last edited by Tiggerinlondon; 12-13-2008 at 03:19 AM.

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    yeah I know I made a mistake googling the news out of curiosity. When we slept together, I really didn't know he was seeing this girl! If I knew I would never ever do that but actually it was a mistake anyway for letting him have his cake and eat it too. I promise that It's completely over now. This is my day 1 of NC and I'm pretty ok with it. I"ve learned so many things and I'm trying to get myself together. I hope something good will come up.

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    Dear everyone! Here's an update.. Today is only day two of NC and he called me already!! I didn't answer..and he texted me "I just want to ask you about a hospital babe" .. what the hell.. I"m not going to reply. He can ask someone else I know. Am I doing the right thing?

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    Actually yeah .. I"m so not going to reply.. He only contacts me when he needs something??? Always so selfish

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    Yes, you did so good. Keep it up.

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    Actually..I don't want to appear to be coldblooded .. He mentioned hospital..I know that maybe he's using this trick to get me to call him but what if something is wrong with him? I think I'm emotionally stable enough to keep the conversation simple and short. aahhh!! I think I'm gonna call him So maybe what I'm doing is "No initiating contact" ? But I know I won't pick up his next calls cos he can't be having another "emergencies" again..

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    The beginning of NC is the heardest and most of us are guilty of breaking it and starting it again for the first few times. So don't feel bad, if you could't keep it up. You will see for yourself that you made a mistake and you will get stronger after he hurt you again, and you will be able to do the NC at one time. The longer you keep up with NC, the stronger you get and you will be there one day, don't worry.

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  5. So.. my story..
    By Cityboy88 in forum Getting Back Together
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    Last Post: 11-24-2008, 05:33 PM

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