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Thread: Article: The No Contact Challenge -SuperDave71

  1. #16
    Redbutterfly21
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    So this will be my second day with NC with my ex of 1 year and a half. he broke up with me because "he fell out of love with me" and that our personality have changed. I understand somewhat of the reasons why he broke up with me.
    i have tried NC with him many times before but I have failed, but through limited contact, since we work in the same place, go to same school, and have mutual friends. Whenever he and i have a conversation, it was simple and sweet, no drama nor did i beg him back or look desperate.
    He seems to moved on but right now i'm in the shifted gear from being a sad ex girlfriend and trying to work on my issues, which have been pointed out and currently being fixed. I have been keeping myself busy and being confident everyday. I don't know if he has notice, but i'm willing to try this no contact with him for sure. I know it won't be easy, but that is part of life when its upside down right now.
    To me, he is the third long term boyfriend to me, so i understand the past mistakes i made that didn't get the ex boyfriend back, but to him I was his first long term girlfriend that people around have said i was the best that he had thus far, (not to sound egotistical here :p)
    During the 2 months, i have keeping my distance and occasionally talked to him because of mutual friends. I have once deleted him from facebook because of my previous experience with my last ex and i sent him a letter, known as seed letter, to let him know that i understand the breakup and said sorry for making things uncomfortable for him when we encounter each other, like being over friendly, and told him that i have things going on right now that are looking up to me and that he can talk to me if he feels ready to do so and also facebook friends with him again. I have been going back to hobbies and new ones to keep him off my mind and worked on myself. I learned from variety of ebook about how to get the ex back. I really hope i came to the right place for support and advice of how to get my ex back.

  2. #17
    Redbutterfly21
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    the one below was the one i really want to say about my day. please read :-)
    Last edited by Redbutterfly21; 12-09-2011 at 12:49 AM. Reason: delete

  3. #18
    Redbutterfly21
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    So its day three for me. I felt a little pain and was a little out of control, because there is this party/ ball that my school is hosting and i found out from my source that my ex was bringing a girl with him to the party. I don't know if they were going as friends, like my friends said, or he is trying to pursue her. I know I can't control him and his decisions but it still hurts, knowing that it's been only 2 months and he is already going to a party with another girl, as friends or not. I tried to calm myself down with my friends and came to the realization that even if my ex did "move on" and try to date other girls in the time span of 2 months, then i feel that i should think that he didn't respect or cared about our 1 year and a half relationship. I want to start over with him with a new relationship. I have been working on myself and normally if I was in the same situation with my old personality i would have gone crazy with depression and sadness and anger, but now i feel that i'm more like "you know what, if they were dating, it's either a rebound thing or he didn't really value of what we had together and i'm not going to keeping longing for him like i used to, even though i want to have a fresh new relationship with him. Until he realizes that we were great and if he wants to get back together, you bet your dollar that i'm going to make him work for it and not lose myself again that i grown accustom after the break up".
    I would consider this day a bad one for me, because i became frantic about the situation for a while but i got myself under control and did not contact him to desperately try to get him back. I am still going to the party/ball and going to look hot in my outfit, and going to have a great time with or without him at the dance floor. Do you guys think I handle that situation well? and what should i do when i see him at the dance floor with the other girl? please help me

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    Redbutterfly,

    The question is do you think YOU can handle the situation well? I have a feeling in your current frame of mind, you will be more concerned about your ex than having a good time. I know this is hard but you are going to have to face facts. It's been difficult for you to start to let go. I completely understand and validate you on doing what you think is right. What concerns me is that you are more concerned over what he thinks than what YOU think. If you choose to go to the dance, then go because you WANT to, not because you feel it will make a difference in your current situation. I would hate for you to go and feel worse when you left. I understand what it is like to want to be near someone but I also know NOW there is a HUGE difference between wanting to be with someone for the RIGHT reasons and the WRONG reasons.

    Think about it.

    We are here if you need us.


    Your Friend,


    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    Saturday aug 25th at this time i was still "friends with my ex" I made the mistake of always checking her facebook and instagram and I saw a picture of a puppy. She tagged this girl who i had a feeling she had recently started talking to after we broke up and quoted "our future baby" My jealousy got the better of me and i texted her demanding to know if she was with her or talking to her. She just said no and i told her I couldnt be friends with her. I deleted her off facebook and instagram, i took down all photos and cards and stuffed bears and what not that shes gotten me and put them all away in a box so that I couldnt see them.

    Tuesday aug 28 after thinking about what recently happened I felt like i had no right to be jealous, we arent together, and that I should have said things better. I sent her a message on facebook, apologizing how i acted and explaining why I couldnt be friends with her. I told her i didnt agree we should have broken up so fast, we had no dramatic problem that should have turned it into that, but that now i see its a good thing for both of us. That i can only work on my flaws and become a better person myself by being alone. That if i tried to stay around her now I would only try and get back with her. I told her that if she needs something she can always call me, and that in the future i would like us to be friends. That i wanted her to be happy, with or without me and wished her nothing but the best. I told her she didnt have to reply to my message, and she didnt, but it didnt bother me.

    Aug 29 the first real day of NC. I had already gone through my depressing state the week prior before i decided to do this. I started getting back into drugs and drinking, funny thing is it had an opposite affect. I felt so great under the influence of different things and i thought to myself, I should feel like this everyday without the need of and substance, all i need is myself. Two things I did that helped me feel better about myself. I spent a couple of hours at a book store. I picked up different books like money management for dummies, a cook book, how to overcome overthinking and a few others, i read a few things and learned a few things. Knowledge is power and it made me feel great. Another thing i did that day was watch the secret. I'm not gonna say you should believe in it but after watching it i decided i wanted to be happy. I put only positive thoughts in my head, set new goals for myself for what i want and ive been feeling pretty good.

    Aug 30 i woke up and the first thing i saw was my ex had friend requested me back on fb. I admit i got a little giddy, but i have not responded. How can i make myself a better person by leaping to whatever she wants now? I decided to do it when im ready to be friends with her again. I can now look at pictures of us together and just smile. I dont get depressed, i miss her of course but now all i remember are the good times that i had with her, and i want to keep these memories. With each day that passes by i feel it being easier to not wonder what shes doing, and i dont have the need to keep myself busy so that my thoughts dont start wandering. The what ifs are starting to disappear themselves

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    yuffie,

    Do what you can not to settle for scraps of attention. So many of us have found that tiny bit of hope only to be slammed back to reality. Be very cautious when it comes to your ex.


    Take care,


    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    Thanks dave ill keep that in mind.

    Aug 31, I made plans to go see a movie tonight with another girl. Nothing serious i have no intention of turning this into a rebound, just wanted to enjoy someone else's company for a few hours. Some people are telling me I should make it obvious that I'm going with her to make my ex jealous. I don't think tha'ts appropriate though. If things were switched i wouldn't want her bragging about going out with someone else, it would kill me. I love this girl i want her to be happy, not hurt her. What do you guys think?

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    If your intentions are to be social and enjoy someone's company, then I don't see anything wrong with that. If your intentions actually ARE to make your ex jealous, then you're just using this other person for a childish reason, which isn't very fair to her.

    There's a common misconception that making your ex jealous will bring them back to you. Nine times out of ten, this is untrue - it will simply make your ex act childishly back until it becomes one huge cycle of trying to outdo one another. Nothing can make your ex come back except for your ex.

    I see ads all the time guaranteeing to have found a way to win your ex back, when the sad reality is that we have no control over that - we have no control over what they think, how they feel, or what they do. It's difficult to swallow, but it's important to remember that they, too, are autonomous human beings with free will and the capacity to make their own choices in life, you know?
    Last edited by OhManINeedCoffee; 09-01-2012 at 07:40 PM.
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    Yea i see your point thanks.
    Sept 1st one of my ex's friend that she works with started messaging me on fb asking how i was doing and telling me she wanted to stop by my job to say hi. I never really talked to her and only hung out with her once when i was with my ex and it was a group of her friends together. Dont know if it means anything. Through out my whole "date" last night all i seemed to think about was my ex.

    Sept 2nd I feel like an addict going through withdrawals. I thought i was doing good, i was getting excited of the future and this time i have to take care of myself. I feel like im relapsing and starting to stare at my phone again waiting for her call. I feel like a big part of me is missing. I miss her :/

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    I know it's rough. It does feel like an addiction and it practically is. Best way to break it is to stick to your guns and not listen to that temptation. I agree with not dating someone just to make your ex jealous. It is childish and yes, it may make them do the same thing or it may be the opposite and make them even more unlikely to reconcile if that were to happen.

    I am glad from your other post that you are realizing things that you could work on during this time too about clingyness or being too jealous. It's good to know those things about yourself so that you can change things that you don't like and ultimately use this time to really grow within yourself. It'll help in your future. It may not feel like it at the moment but you are doing a great job so far with NC and hope you continue to keep it up! We're all rooting for ya.

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    I wish i would have kept stronger. Sept 3 i gave into accepting her friend request. My ex's friend (the one i posted about before) kept insisting to hang out and i finally told her that its too uncomfortable for me right now since we never talked before the break up. A couple hours later my ex called, my heart was beating so fast i let it go to voice mail. But after finally calming down i called her back, no response. I texted her, only to be shot down hours later with a "i dailed you by mistake sry" text. I'm feeling more crushed than ever. Being able to see her profile now theres so many signs that shes either with or talking to this other girl. What kills me is she deny's it. What is the purpose of that? I forgot to mention that I can't have fully n/c with her. We share the same phone bill and i co signed for her car. I have to see her tomorrow to pick up her share of the money. I feel like im being tortured :/

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    Dear Yuffie,

    Just arrange for the payments from her to be made automatically to you, by bank transfer. Surely you can just be adults about the shared phone bill and ask her to send her half of whatever money she's supposed to every month? Why do you need to go there and see her? What are your real reasons for that?

    All the best,

    Annita
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    I started no contact on saturday September 8. Joined this forum today onthe 12 but glas to accept the challenge. Hos birthday is coming up next week a birthday i has anticpated spending with him so much. But he pushed me out of his life to be with someone else so i guess he didn't want me around for that.. After a year and a half of dating. Im avoiding all of the places i might see him and he wont hear a peep out of me. So we shall see what happens after 30 days we never went that long without talking before. Hope it doea something. So today September 12 is day 5 of no contact.

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    I'm going to start doing a motified version of NC I think. I have a LOT of anger and resentment towards my ex that I need to let go of. The only reason it is motified NC and not FULL NC is because we have a daughter together so I can't just completely drop off the face of the earth especially since she is only 18 months and he has no visitation established. We usually work out random times where one of us goes to visit and usually I am present at all times because I feel more comfortable being there with her. I'm going to start limiting contact to being about our daughter only. Today I'm having a really rough time and have been all week really. I've made the mistake of texting and saying a lot of angry things towards my ex about how hurt I am about him chosing his brother over his family and such. I have also felt strung along even though I'm the one that chose the break up he kept acting like he wanted to get back together and I had very mixed emotions and I deserve better but I still have feelings for him and who I dream him to be. UGH! Hate that. I feel kind of lonely at the moment. I only have a few close friends but I never really feel up to hanging out because I'm usually exhausted from watching my daughter all the time and working with kids all day at daycare. I love kids but I do feel drained some days. I want to make new friends and go out and have fun and just not have to worry in the back of my mind about how my daughter is doing and how I am feeling and work the next day or whatever it is. Bleh... I want to get out of this funk.

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    Hello after 10 days of NC I just saw a message ' I miss you and wanted to let you know' from her, what should I do...I miss her too but I m not sure if she means it or not


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