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Thread: please help! ex-wives please read!

  1. #1
    thehippie777
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    Default please help! ex-wives please read!

    Hello. I realize jumping into things might be a big random, but this has been going on for awhile now. I am posing the question to divorced moms who have had their ex-husband find someone new. In this case I am the

  2. #2
    Silverstar
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    I always hate it when people use kids as a tool to hurt the other after a breake up or divorce. It is the kid that gets hurt the most in the end.

    It is deffinately not a good idea for you to go and talk to her. It will only make matters worse. I do think it's a good idea that your boyfriend wants to try to fight for costody rights or at least visitation rights. Clearly his ex and new partner are not the best parents to be around for that kid and he has a right to look for his son's best intrest. Don't worry about her not wanting the boy around you. She is not the one to decide that, once the court decides that you are ok to look after him. If you could get visitation rights in order this would allready be a good thing.

    I feel realy sorry for that little boy and I hope everything works out in his best intrest.

  3. #3
    thehippie777
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverstar View Post
    I always hate it when people use kids as a tool to hurt the other after a breake up or divorce. It is the kid that gets hurt the most in the end.

    It is deffinately not a good idea for you to go and talk to her. It will only make matters worse. I do think it's a good idea that your boyfriend wants to try to fight for costody rights or at least visitation rights. Clearly his ex and new partner are not the best parents to be around for that kid and he has a right to look for his son's best intrest. Don't worry about her not wanting the boy around you. She is not the one to decide that, once the court decides that you are ok to look after him. If you could get visitation rights in order this would allready be a good thing.

    I feel realy sorry for that little boy and I hope everything works out in his best intrest.
    You are prolly the 20th person to feel sorry for the boy. Everyone that has heard of the trife from out side speak of how they worry.

  4. #4
    finallymovedon
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    Quote Originally Posted by thehippie777 View Post
    thehippie, I am a divorced single Mom but I don't have these kind of problems, I just wanted to comment on a few things and I hope that you don't take it personally.

    "He moved from one state to a different state after the divorce looking for work and to perhaps start a new life." He moved away to start a new life and leaves the boy "behind".
    Sounds to me he created an emotionally distance. If he would have stayed they could do co-parenting what would benefit the little boy, he could see him more often and help raise him, he needs his father. Your boyfriend removed himself fom that responsibility.

    "This past summer he got his son for what was supsta be 3 months, but ended up only being one month"
    Divorce papers clearly state the visitations and she should not have asked for him to come home earlier.

    " The argument gets heated & eventually she claims he abandoned their son & that my boyfriend is a dead-beat dad (which he isn’t, he pays $550/mo for child support and visits when he can afford to). "
    I agree, he did abandoned the little boy, paying child support and visits when he can afford?
    It is all about him and not the son, paying child support and seeing your child once in a while does not make a good father.

    "In the meantime my boyfriend turns her into Child Protective Services because something is going on & we both know it wasn’t under our watch. At some point their son has also started acting out & throwing tantrums. Once again, we are blamed but we don’t see how we caused any of these things. CPS finds nothing wrong that would warrant the child be removed from the home. It is relieving to my boyfriend, actually."
    Sorry to say that, but if CPS would have removed the child, your boyfriend would be a fulltime father and I can garantee you that is not what he wants.

    "Weeks go by, and my boyfriend has visited his son by this time."
    You don't seem to think there is anything wrong with your bf actions, weeks go by? Breaks my heart to read that.

    "He has milled around the idea of trying to fight for custody rights or at least visitation rights but, like I said, he isn’t one to rock the boat."
    This one I don't understand, why does he not have visitations rights?
    There has to be a reason for that. I know you want to help and support him, but something doesn't add up! Something happened that this man has no visitation rights.


    "So I need help. I never talk to this woman, and I don’t know if it would help. My boyfriend says he doesn’t think it would. What should I do?????? I feel so bad for my boyfriend. He really is a great father and he is the love of my life".
    No, don't talk to the ex-wife, just stay out of it. Everything sounds very dysfunctional to me. I know you love him but I don't agree that he is a great Father. Don't get involved too much in this drama, let him and the ex-wife figure out their mess. My question is, what are you really upset about, I am not sure what you are asking.

  5. #5
    thehippie777
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    finallymovedon--- I think you severly misunderstood what I wrote a great deal.

    I disagree with nearly everything you said.

    1st quote response -
    Okay little town in North Dakota where there is NO WORK, and when they were married the ex refused to move someplace else because her parents pay for everything. They gave her a house, a car, etc etc etc & she has not paid anything on it since the first couple payments. So he should stay there & make himself miserable because that is what she does to him? wrong wrong wrong He found a job and moved to a place where he could actually pay child the support. Should I be willing for this women to be knocking on my door freaking out at me??? No, so moving isn't an option. My boyfriend grew up with his dad traveling quite a bit, and he visitted when he could. Things happen & situations are crap sometimes and it KILLS my boyfriend that things couldn't turn out better. He wanted a family & it was ripped apart. So now, you say, he should be punished or something? wrong

    2nd -
    Their divorce papers said they would share rights, but clearly that isn't working out.

    3rd-
    My boyfriend pays $550/mo, rent is $550 (plus all utilities but water), bad credit card debt, etc etc etc Yes, he can't afford to visit his son as often as he wants. And IT CLEARLY KILLS HIM. He has asked for his child support to be lowered, but it can't be. He has an aparment with 2 rooms, one for when his son visits. 550 for rent is cheap for around here. The little itty bit town in North Dakota that the ex refuses to leave has no work. He has debated moving closer, but it's all about the jobs and when he can afford things. Plus, the ex has put restrictions on him. Often she is visiting family is another town when he has his days off and has asks if he can visit.

    4th - BS!!!!! Complete BS! He was fully prepard to recieve his son. Childcare etc was being organized. Everything!!! rude!

    5th - you seemed to misunderstand. Weeks went by, and he HAD VISITED HIS SON during that time already!!!

    6th - He (my boyfriend) has visitiation rights!!!!!!!! They are shared! Her (the ex's) finance' has been refused visitiation rights to his two other children.

    7th - I am upset because she is accusing me of things that I did not do. She asked her lawyer the other week if she can do anything about me being her ex-husbands girlfriend and the lawyer kinda laughed at her & said, "No, there is nothing you do can about who he is dating."


    This woman brought heartache on herself. She chose to cheat. My boyfriend stayed with her & tried to work things out for thier son. It didn't work out. So he is the bad one? no He is trying & always in pain over what has been going on. But, he is afraid for his son most of all. Removing him from his mother is the LAST thing he wants to do. If he is forced to, he will. He believes when his son can choose who he lives with, he will choose to live with his dad and my boyfriend is fully prepared & lookling forward to that.

    It was her that broke up the family in the first place! She moved on with her personal life while still married! She is the one that forced the ending.

    Plus, if she were to move farther away herself (she had been talking about it until she broke off her engagement this last week) would my boyfriend HAVE TO FOLLOW??? Does he have to follow where ever because, apparently, he's a bad father. Forgive him for wanting a family & her breaking it apart.

    That reasoning is WRONG here.

    OH and oh top of that she didn't work from April of this year until Fall. If my boyfriend didn't work & didn't pay child support, he would be thrown into jail!!! My boyfriend didn't get back his $3,000 tax return because it went towards back child-support, which is fine because he figured it would. I got to witness with my own ears out of her mouth actually say, "Yeah I am not gonna work cuz I have all that child support and two tax returns to live off of all summer." I was in flipping shock!!! That was rude to say infront of him, me, the kids....!!!!
    Last edited by thehippie777; 12-17-2008 at 06:50 AM.

  6. #6
    thehippie777
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    So my boyfriend got to see his son just after Christmas! What a blessing. He went through the snow & bad roads to get him, but he gets to visit us for a week.

    We are quite thankful.

  7. #7
    Silverstar
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    That's great news Hippie, wish you a happy week together.

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