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I agree. Some commitment phobes are in total denial. My ex was a little different - he had the startling revelation that he WAS a commitmentphobe, and it terrfied him. I wasn't sure what to tell him, because I had known this all along. He began to think that he'd screwed up every relationship he'd ever been in. Since there are always two people in a relationship, I had trouble believing that, but from what I knew of his behavior in relationships firsthand, I had a feeling he probably made his share of mistakes.
I don't know if he's been able to really confront that head-on. I asked him what he thought he wanted to do about it. He was confused and frazzled and had no idea.
I guess what I'm saying is, being aware of your own commitmentphobia isn't going to make you less of a commitment phobe. And I totally agree with you, Jess - for those of us who are willing to take risks and have a commited relationship, it's up to us to decide whether we're patient enough and think it's worth it to wait for them to figure things out on their own, or if it's time we moved on. Every situation is different, so you're absolutely right - there's no right or wrong answer to this.
"Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card