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Thread: NC starting today!!

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    Default NC starting today!!

    Hey All,

    Even though I haven't seen or heard from my ex for 9days I will do the NC challenge today! I will stop checking pictures or updates on her FB page because thats the only thing I feel I can do. I haven't called her or texted her but got pretty close to doing it. I am wondering though.. Should I switch gyms? She goes to the same gym and I have seen her there for the past 3 weeks. 2 Sundays ago I saw her at the gym and just left and ignored her. An hour later she called and text me asking why I didnt say Hi and I was being immature and dumb. My friends say that she broke up with me and after that I dont have to explain myself on why I ignored her.

    Seattle

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    Default

    Hey and welcome to the forum. Sorry you are going through this right now. Im glad you decided to go NC. This is so important for you. You need this time to focus on yourself. I know the urge to call, text, email is there. But you have to fight the urge. Think about it where will it get you. The answer is it will just set you back more. I should know I have made all the mistakes. You have to think with your head not your heart on this. Your friends are right you do not owe her any exlpantions. She broke up with you. There are consequences for her actions. Do your best to stay away from face book and all that other stuff. Good luck with the challenge. You can do it just be strong.

    As for the gym. If you really do not feel like seeing her I would just switch gyms if its not that big of a deal.

    Chris

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    Chris,

    Thanks for the advise and I will stick to the challenge.

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    Dear Seattle,

    This link may help you with your management of your thoughts and therefore by extension your actions:

    http://www.thelovelogic.com/forum/co...ought-stoppage

    Keep posting, when you need to vent, are low, or just want to talk, we're here.

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Default Update!!

    Update:

    She has text me couple days ago and has emailed me today. In both her text and email she has said "I thought you wanted to remain friends? you said you would never leave me? " What do you want me to do with your stuff?" but never did she ask "how i was doing?, am I okay?" nothing of having concern for me. She so selfish!! She should understand why I am ignoring her. I have made it clear that I wanted to work things out with her. If she was really a friend she would understand the NC and that I'm simply want to move on with my life. Right now she doesnt deserve my friendship because its all one sided with her. Thats not how any relationship works!! I will continue to do NC and remain strong. I want to be in a relationship with her and want to know what my next step should be?

    strong but confused

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    Seattle,

    She sounds like she is trying to have her cake and eat it to. You can be her friend but she should know that it is too difficult right now. Just be honest with her. If she can't understand that, go get your stuff and wish her well. Show her that you are not going to be played with.

    You can't go wrong if you are doing what is best for you.



    -Stay Strong



    -SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    Is she considering being with me again? Can I get her back? I want to know if NC will be enough for her to miss me and will be crazy enough for her to want me back.

    Seattle

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    No......she is using you as her safety net.


    -SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    I broke NC on friday thinking she was going to have a change of heart but you were right SuperDave. I told her that right now I cannot be friends with her because it hurts too much and I need to move on with my life. She wants to be friends because she said we have been through so much and that she cant bear that fact that she will never hear from me again. I told her that is why I cannot be her friend right now. She understands and thats it! Right now it is diffcult for me to do simple things like: sleep, work, study, workout and just relax. I keep thinking about her and just want to find someone else that wants to be in a loving relationship, stands by her man through thick/thin and accepts me for me. I am hurting everyday and try not to drink because it only makes me more emotional.

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    Let your actions do the talking...The more you talk to her the more you are NOT SHOWING her that you are serious.



    Think about it


    -SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    Is this a lost cause or do I still have hope on getting her back?

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    Hey Seattle-

    Nobody knows what can happen in the future anything is possible. The best thing you could do right now is to let go in order to get YOU back. Keeping contact with her right now is not a good thing. You will end up just pushing her further away and you will make no progress in terms of taking care of yourself. She says that she wants you to be her friend. It sounds like to me that is not what you are looking for. So what is the sense of keeping contact with her?? Listen we all know how difficult it is to let go but this is the only truly way you are going to heal.

    Chris

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    Just checked out her FB and it wasnt good. Just saw she added a guy from church. I know it doesnt mean anything but why should I care or checking anyway. I deactivated my FB.I wanna call and tell her I miss her and ask her why she is making this hard for the both of us!! I am hurting and feel like this pain will not go away. I know I cannot control her and that I only can control myself. I am struggling to get by in life. Please help.. I need to have a clear head and to get my life back in order. Right now its pain I feel always touching the hot stove knowing I'm going to get burn at the end.

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    Seattle,


    I am sorry you are feeling so desperate right now. The fact she added anyone to her Facebook page is ridiculous in my opinion. Let's face facts...what she does IS HER BUSINESS. What truly bothers you the most is that you are not in her life. There has to be a valid reason she does not want to be with you right now. The truth is no one knows if she will be with you tomorrow, next week or a few years down the road. Pull yourself together and try to understand that you do not control her. You sound pretty reasonable to me. I just think the pressure of not being with her is getting the best of you. You will probably be suspicous of anyone that gets close to your ex. The hardest act of love is letting someone go. To let her go means that you love her enough to let her be happy. Why can't you do the same? Why do you wait on scraps and little pieces of hope she may throw at you when YOU are in 100% control over you.

    She is no longer your partner. She has made that clear regardless of her wanting to be friends. No matter if she texted you, her actions STILL remain the same. She is not beating down your door, she is not claiming her undying love for you because she in NOT in that place right now. No one knows, including you, what she is thinking. Just understand that you know what you are thinking, feeling and what your actions are. She has no control over you. Quit waiting for her to make the first move. If someone doesn't love you enough to SHOW YOU then what good is their words? Is a text message a "sign"? No, it is probably just a habit. Let the past go and do your best to deal with your present reality. Looking at a facebook page is WASTING TIME. When a feeling of panic comes over you and you want to contact her, ask yourself this: "What good can come from it right now?" If your HONEST answer is "Nothing"....then choose to do nothing.

    One very, very important thing to remember is that it only takes ONE TIME to screw forever up.


    If you do nothing, nothing can go wrong. The more you try to contact her, communicate with her or do anything to claim your undying love for her....I can almost guarantee it will only push her further away. Stay strong and try and take the 30 day NO CONTACT challenge. This will allow you to push the limits of your new you.


    You can do this..


    You have a whole website backing you up.



    Your Friend,


    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    Your right! There are times in the day where I feel down and out. Especially down time at work where I have access to the internet and just start snooping. I will take your advise and try another NC. This time it is not for her to miss me but for ME. I want to HEAL from this!!

    Seattle

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