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Hi there and welcome to the forum
The first thing that sticks out to me is that his ex gives her Son a laxative every Friday night.... Do you know if there is a reason for this? Sounds very odd, and probably the cause of the diarrhea while he is with you on the weekends. Alot of kids eat and drink crap, and, as we all know, it's not healthy and not advisable. However, I wonder whether he has ANY healthy meals with lean proteins and vegetables at all? It's a very tricky situation since he is your bf's Son and it's hard to try and handle a situation when you'll probably be made to feel it's not your business.
I wonder whether it's worth trying to cook some fun but healthy meals for all of you when he stays and experiment with stuff until you find something he likes, and is healthy? I'm sure all the high fat snacks also make him irritable and hyper active too. Sadly, it seems many Parents take the easy route (for them), because they just want an easy life,....meaning the child continues to get what he wants, even though it is not good for them (food choices and spoilt behaviour). If he always has poor food choices, both with your bf, and at his Mothers, it's no wonder that he has toilet trouble/constipation. If the laxative is suppose to be a substitute for a healthy diet, there is something very wrong with that picture.
His Son going to bed late, is probably also due to the bad food choices, high sugar snacks etc. What about all of you spending some time doing something outside and fun to give him the exercise he needs which may also help him to sleep at better times.
The other point I would like to make is that you shouldn't be made to feel that it is not your business. He made it your business when you moved in together. His Son stays with both of you, so it also affects you, and obviously is affecting your 'time' together too. Great idea to try doing things as a family so that you can all enjoy the time, rather than just him and boy, and you feeling like you're a spare part. That way, you could build your own relationship with his Son. What happened when you tried? Why was the idea rejected?