Why do I still miss him and think about him?

[Romi]

Hey guys, I’m sorry about this long post but I need advice.

Well after my ex broke up with me in October and then, after 1 month of been apart, he begged me to take him back (details posted already).
After 3 weeks and a really long talk, I decided to “open the door” and see what happens (yes, I know, BIG mistake!).

Everything was better that before when we got back but then, he started to make the same mistakes he made before (going out clubbing when he promised he won’t do it anymore) and I told him I didn’t want this kind of relationship. He AGAIN promised he will change…

Then 2 days before New Years eve, I wrote him a very sweet email, saying that I was happy with him and He’s still the guy I wanted in my life, Saying I love him and was happy to have plans for next year (2011) with him, etc… He answered but he did it at 7:20AM of next day… So I knew he went out clubbing the day before and didn’t tell me… I asked him twice and he denied it.
His answer on my email was very sweet, he told me he loved me and made a “click” when he broke up with me and saw that was a huge mistake but reacted on time and that he wanted to be a better man for me and to built the kind of relationship I needed to grow together.

Well on 1st Jan of this year we were going to his parents house and when we got there, I checked his car and found a highway ticket when he was getting back home from this club and the time was 7 o’clock AM, so I knew he was lying and that he went out that night with his friend (the only one single and still partying since both are 32!!!).
I showed this to him and he told me that I was right, he went out that night with his friend but didn’t want to fight with me and was going to tell me later about it (he denied twice when I asked him…) So at that moment (on his parents house) I told him I didn’t want to have this immature relationship anymore where he’s 32 and still thinking about clubbing and I’m 31 and thinking about marriage and kids… He also didn’t talk about a future with me… He DID mention about buying a house together but that was it.
Again, he was crying all the time, saying he loved me and he was sorry. Hugged me, took my hand and cry. He did the same on our way to my house… I was like a stone. Cold and told him it was too late…

After this we wrote a few emails, He said again he was sorry, he was feeling lonely and everything was very hard for him. That he knows I asked him not to contact me and he will respect my wishes but it’s really hard.
He told me he was thinking about why he’s still have problems about commitment and he was reflecting about this. Also and most important, he told me that I changed and this change was AWSOME but still he failed me and he was sorry for this.

I started NC but broke it once when I called him for his birthday on Jan 21st. We had a talk, I asked him how he was doing and if he wanted to talk, he told me he was “calm” and he told me we could talk the next day, then I asked “is there a point? And he said “No, I’m still thinking about everything and I’m very confuse about not been able to commit with you and why” So I told him ok, good luck, take care and that was it.

Sooooooooo If this guy hurt me so much, why I’m still thinking about him? Still miss him?
Every morning when I woke up and see the other side of my bed a stomach pain start and I can’t help it.
Yes I know it was a year and a half that I was with him but I really want to let him go and move on.

We booked airplane tickets together for our vacations and are still on, he didn’t cancelled it yet. I already made arrangements with one of my best friends to go to NY on May/June…
I deleted his FB, MSN, etc…
Also a friend of his saw me with a guy (a friend) 2 weeks after the break up and I know he knows this…
I know I can’t be happy with him but my heart still wants him back and I hate myself for this. What can I do to forget him?

Thanks!
Romi

[Dan72]

Aww sweetheart, you are way too hard on yourself, you know that?

If your decision is to walk away from him, then you need to be patient with yourself. You can't force yourself to forget him, but you can make it easier on yourself and make the healing as fast as possible. NC, distrations, thought stoppage,... they are your friends right now.

It sounds like you are alot more emotionally mature than he is, and sadly, you cannot change a person, but only how you react to them. Neither of you are 'wrong', but just have different opinions and hold different things important. It is not his fault that you want more than he can give, and it is not your fault that you want more than he can give. I believe you are doing the right thing, and rather than flogging a dead horse, it makes more sense for you to find a person that has equal values to you.

Don't hate yourself hon, you're human! Regardless of how much someone hurts you, you cannot just switch off your feelings. However, you can use this hurt to remind you why you are doing the right thing.

You are a fantastic, stunningly beautiful, kind and caring woman Romi, and some lucky guy will hit the jackpot when you make him yours. Oh and guess what? When you meet that lucky guy, you'll be thanking your ex for letting you go!!

[Romi]

Thanks Dan.
I do think that I’ve done the right thing. Maybe what’s bother me is that he disappear. Not knowing what he’s feeling, if he misses me, why he didn’t cancel his flight to the US (on April 2nd) if he knows we are not going together…
Maybe he thinks that I’m with this guy his friend saw me with. I don’t know.
And yes, right now I’m doing things for me (started the gym, started therapy, going out with my friends, investments, beauty things and reading a lot)… I hope time do its work…
Thanks again (thx for the compliment ),
Romi

[Dan72]

Always go with what you know, and not what you assume..... don't try to second guess him or what he is thinking or feeling. Just accept that you don't know and try to let those thoughts go. Keep your focus on you, and take each day at a time sweetie. We're here if you need us, always

[Abrakebabra]

I can't offer much advice but chin up girl it will get easier