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Thread: Find a man that wants to marry you?

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    Default Find a man that wants to marry you?

    LOL. So the title was asking a "how to" guide for getting a guy to marry you but I know you can't really talk someone in or force someone to marry you. But basically I'm curious if there is any way to get a guy to be more willing to commit without nagging them and without completely manipulating them and all that jazz or am I just screwed? :thinking1:

    My boyfriend and I are kinda going through a rough time I guess but I think it's mostly just because I'm a little unhappy right now. I'm not gonna lie. I reeeeeeeeaaaaalllly want to be married and have that commitment especially since now I'm 34 weeks pregnant and I'd really like my daughter to grow up under a "family". It's important to me for her. But he doesn't seem to be in any sort of rush and we've talked about it. Back in September he took me to a store to pick out a ring and I saw the ring I wanted. Then when taxes came back this year we had enough money for the ring and I told him that. He knew that I wanted to get married in June of this year but these past few months he's made some comments about getting married June of next year not this year. Then the whole ring thing he didn't really say much of anything until around the time when I was gonna actually go through with us getting it. He started making comments about how maybe I should spend that money on school or something else and that we'd get the ring next year or something, etc. I was really hurt by it all because he took me to look at that ring in the first place months ago so I thought that once we could afford it he'd get it. Now it's like all of these little excuses for why he's in no rush and then he says stuff like he wishes I would help clean and cook more often. I don't know what his real deal is. Maybe he's just scared to commit. He hasn't really had a good example of marriage or relationships growing up in his family and in his own life. Or maybe he just doesn't want to be with me forever really? I don't know.

    I've stopped bringing it up now after we had a huge arguement and stuff about it and he knows how I feel and he knows that I want to be married and I wanted marriage before I realized I was going to be having a baby so it's not like I just want to be married because of that. We're still together and everything and some days are fine and other days we have some arguements or just aren't around each other as much but I really want to stick it through to see if things are going to work out with us taking care of the baby together because it's important that my daughter have her father in her life. I just don't want to be "in a relationship" for years and not be "married" because it's that commitment that is important to me. Everything I've read or heard from sources usually say if the guy doesn't want to get married now and if you bring it up too much and all that then he's never gonna want to commit.

    What do you all think?

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    Default

    he doesn't seem to be in any sort of rush and we've talked about it. Back in September he took me to a store to pick out a ring and I saw the ring I wanted. Then when taxes came back this year we had enough money for the ring and I told him that. He knew that I wanted to get married in June of this year but these past few months he's made some comments about getting married June of next year not this year. Then the whole ring thing he didn't really say much of anything until around the time when I was gonna actually go through with us getting it. He started making comments about how maybe I should spend that money on school or something else and that we'd get the ring next year or something, etc

    Two words... RED FLAG!



    I hope you are doing well but also understand that he will probably, predictably continue to make excuses not to buy you a ring. Be very cautious with this one.



    You have been warned.



    Take care of you (and the baby!)





    Your Friend,



    SuperDave71
    Last edited by OhManINeedCoffee; 03-14-2011 at 02:55 PM.
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    Default

    Jess, sweetie, let me ask you a question, and please think about it and be honest with yourself when you answer.

    Do you want to be married to HIM, or do you just want to be married?

    If it's the former, then I agree with Dave - RED FLAG!. He may have his own reservations for not wanting to get married right now - perhaps he'd rather you two be financially stable, perhaps he'd rather you finish school first, or perhaps he's not sure if he wants to marry you. He has been married before, yes? He already knows how hard it is. If he's not willing to put the effort in to keep your relationship healthy now, then he's not going to be willing to do it after you're married, either.

    If it's the latter, remember this: It IS important for a child to have a father, but at the same time, it's extremely damaging for a child to grow up in an unhappy, unhealthy household.

    Tread carefully, sweetie - you're thinking for two now!
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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