Excellent Post StarryEyedSister!
It's always wonderful to hear about those who overcome their own fear. Keep on posting!!
The human brain and heart are such magical things.
Without them, we wouldn't be the amazingingly emotional creatures that we are. We wouldn't feel joy; sadness; empathy; regret...and of course, we wouldn't feel love.
Unfortunately, to be human and emotional also means that, at some point, we will feel fear. Of course fear can be a healthy thing - after all, fear of falling off a cliff is what causes us to walk a little way from the edge! But the most powerful fear of all is fear of the unknown. Purely because our brain and heart will usually urge instinctive caution if we consider taking an action which will cause big change in our lives. How we perceive change is such an incredibly personal thing; very deeply ingrained in our unique values and beliefs. For me, change was always something to be feared because it was never good and almost always caused some sort of pain. Change was something instigated by other people; by their decisions and actions which invariably had an unwanted and unwelcome impact on me.
Almost three years ago now I was in a situation where, yet again, someone else's actions; inactions and words seemed to be the source of my pain. Luckily when I was forced to stand back from that situation for a period of time (note the word 'forced; - again; a change that wasn't my choice - sense a pattern here???) I realised that it was time for ME to change. I was NOT a victim of other people's decisions or of circumstance and I was not happy to continue to live my life within an abusive relationship playing the role of doormat.
Then came the fear of the unknown...that little voice on your shoulder saying, 'You can't'...'Think of the impact on'...'Where will you go'...'You'll be a failure'...
For a little while I listened; but then I learned to TRUST MYSELF. To trust my own instincts; feelings and to trust in that little tiny naggling whisper that told me I was worth something more and deserved to be happy. And I also learned that emotions can be reasoned with wherever necessary by looking at the facts. Oh, and also sometimes bouncing thoughts off close friends when things got a little cloudier!
The result? Three years later I have not only survived on my own - I have thrived. I have a lovely home. I have an excellent job. I have trusted friends. I have a new partner (still have my moments with trust and past anger issues; but hey - I'm human!) and most importantly to me, I have a very happy child in tow who is gorgeous and so much more well-adjusted than I could ever have hoped for (so much for that voice that told me she'd grow up to be a delinquent and it'd be all my fault for leaving daddy!!!).
As a result, I have come to learn that staying in the same place; never learning; never experiencing change and avoiding the unknown is a very boring and downright damaging place to be - I am the one who makes the decision to change these days! Therefore I am the one in control of my own destiny and whatever emotions that come with it.
And I can cope with whatever comes - even if my heart rules my brain sometimes!
Thanks, StarryEyedSister! I always love when posters have such positive things to say like this.
Also good to remember this when fear of the unknown makes us hesitant to move FORWARD in a relationship as well!
"Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card
Thanks for the encouragement Dave, means an awful lot - and Kel; do you have a psychic ability going on or what!!!!
Partly what was going through my mind when I wrote this was some fear at moving forward in my current relationship (which, believe me, has involved the slowest progress in history and an amazing amount of patience from my boyfriend). I guess I just wanted to remember how far I've come already and remind myself that I CAN trust myself and my own judgement these days...largely because I respect myself so much more. I don't need to justify my needs or wants to myself or anyone else.
Trusting others is always a risk; but trusting ourselves - whether it be our ability to move on; to deal with the pain of a breakup; that we are loveable enough to meet someone else who is good for us; or just, as you said, that we can overcome the fear and memory of past pain and allow ourselves to be happy in a new healthy relationship - is just as much of a risk and a challenge.
But in my experience, the toughest challenges are always the most worthwhile ones...and without embracing a good challenge every so often; how on earth are we ever going to learn!
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