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Thread: Fear, desire and introspection

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    Lightbulb Fear, desire and introspection

    Fear & Desire


    There is a school of thought that all human motivation boils down to two things, fear and desire.

    This is obviously only the base level, there are complex reasons why we might fear/desire things in that way (often dependent on our life experiences), but sometimes all the complexity can just be a build-up of how we've learnt to mask the true basic reasons.

    For example:

    Someone gives money to a homeless person. Surely there is no fear or desire in that?

    I suggest there is. That in fact both fears and desires are present in this act (these are suggested of course, there could be many more and some will apply to some and not to others).

    1. I desire to feel good. Giving money away to someone who (I think) needs it makes me feel generous and feeling generous makes me feel good.
    2. I fear not fitting my self-image, my self-image includes me being kind and generous, and so I am motivated to do this to appease my fear.
    3. I desire to feel kind & generous and therefore fit my self-image, so I am motivated to do this to fulfil my desire.
    4. I fear judgement, I think if I don't give any money and people can see I can afford it I (think I) will be judged as a miser.
    5. I desire to have people like me; I believe people like generous, kind people, so I form that as part of my self-image and do this act to be liked.


    IMHO (in my humble opinion) there is no "selfless act". IME (in my experience) whenever we do something we believe is good/kind/generous/altruistic, we still receive something in return, though not always tangible.

    It is the feeling of self-worth; the belief that we are doing something good that makes us feel like we are fitting the self-image we want and helps us to appease the fear that we are not fitting that self-image. In addition there can be other reasons like the ones listed above.


    IME using this as a tool can be very useful in introspection. For instance, why did we break up?

    I feared him controlling me, like my last boyfriend, and I feared being hurt, so I never let him in?
    I desired she be the image I had and never really saw her?
    I always feared he'd leave me, I always feared I was not good enough for him, I desired to be worthy of him, I desired to be needed by him.
    I feared she'd cheat on me, so I never trusted her, in fact I feared getting hurt too and that fed my desire to know everything, every minute...

    IMHO this may be useful in our community here.

    If anyone would like to make fear or desire statement to seek their true reasons for why they do/did things or why things happen/happened, please feel free to leave them here.

    No judgement, just some reflection and perhaps a way to address the fear/desire and move forward in your life.

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiggerinlondon View Post
    I feared she'd cheat on me, so I never trusted her, in fact I feared getting hurt too and that fed my desire to know everything, every minute...
    Very insightful, great post. I can really identify with this one,...
    -Peace
    Dan

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiggerinlondon View Post

    I always feared he'd leave me, I always feared I was not good enough for him, I desired to be worthy of him, I desired to be needed by him.
    I can totally relate to this one... I don't think I'm good enough for anyone so I push everyone away , because I fear that I'm right

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    I agree with you. I realized that I was afraid for a good chunk of my life to get the extra pounds off because I look really good when I do (really modest of me, I know But it is hardly based on my subjective opinion). So the fear of being constantly approached, looked at and judged stopped me in it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiggerinlondon View Post
    Fear & Desire

    [LIST=1][*]I desire to feel good. Giving money away to someone who (I think) needs it makes me feel generous and feeling generous makes me feel good.
    PS. Is generosity a feeling ?

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    Hi Shoder,

    Welcome to TLL. I would say that generosity is a feeling, however each person's own definition of a word depends on their experiences and understanding, so you may not agree. I usually find it helps me to look at the synonyms for the word to see if those match my thoughts on it....

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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