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Thanks for that, Dan! I hear a lot about the "nice guy" woes from many of my male friends, who are convinced that they can't find a woman because they're "too nice."
Um, no, buddy. The fact that you're convinced that THAT is your only problem in love means that you have one of the qualities that (sane) women hate the most: an inability to take a realistic look at yourself and understand who you are. Men who can't do that with themselves sure as hell can't do it with women, since they so often put these women on a pedestal (which is a LOT of pressure!) when they try to pursue them in that very passive-aggressive "I'm going to hint that I can't find a nice woman so she'll go out with me" way.
There is one male friend of mine who laments about this very thing with me EVERY time we talk: he's lonely and women don't want to date him because a) he's not tall, and b) women just don't notice nice guys because they only want jerks. I've stopped accepting his excuses, and finally one of our conversations went like this
Me: "Why would you even WANT to date a woman who thinks you're not worth her time because you're not "the right height," or one who prefers arrogant, narcissistic jerks to decent men?"
Him: "Well it's just that I'm really tired of being single and I'm feeling kind of desperate."
Me: "THAT is your problem. Not being nice. Not being short. Your desperation is your real problem. Calm down, grow a pair, and accept yourself already. No decent woman wants a guy who relies on her for his own validation."
Him: <insert excuses here>
I get the sense he's always saying these things to try to find out why I wasn't interested in him years ago...I haven't had the heart to tell him that I could sense his desperation and neediness pretty quickly when I suddenly became his "therapist." And as we all know, it's a breach of ethics for therapists to date their clients.
Sure, some women want jerks, but before guys start using that as a catalyst to complain endlessly about how women ALWAYS do that, they should take a closer look at her maturity level. If they don't want to date a diva with daddy issues and an addiction to petty drama, then really...is it THAT much of a loss? It wouldn't be for me. Then again, I'm not a dude...
It's like women (myself included) who have complained that men are never interested in them because they're "too smart." It wasn't until I suddenly thought, "Why would I want to date a guy who was turned off by intelligence??" that I realized I was being an idiot. Then I got some confidence, started to like myself, stopped being afraid to talk to people in social situations and started being myself, and...well...my original theory about being "too smart" changed. Intelligence didn't intimidate them...but sometimes I think emotional stability has. It makes sense...men who are "jerks" usually like to disarm a woman's confidence and make her more vulnerable to his advances by making back-handed compliments or teasing her in such a way that isn't really "all in good fun." Before, I fell for it. Now...oh, do I have fun shutting them up! Now they're afraid of me. ;)
But if you look for those who are strong in spirit, emotionally stable, and unselfish...you won't be disappointed.
Last edited by OhManINeedCoffee; 01-22-2012 at 01:20 PM.
"Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card
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