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Thread: What happened here?

  1. #31
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    Honestly, I think you're attracted to someone who's playing manipulative games with you. But that is only my opinion. I don't trust inconsistent men...if the only way they think they can win a woman over is by playing the age-old "hot and cold" game, then I get the impression that he doesn't have much to offer by simply being himself. Guys like that are rarely (if ever) genuine.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

  2. #32
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    I agree that there are games being played. I am not sure what the goal is in his. As a game player myself, I play them as a defense so as not to show my feelings if I am unsure of how they will be received and/or reciprocated. If you could clarify what you mean by his playing games, I would appreciate it. This covers a broad spectrum with different purposes. Quite honestly, by your using "games", I am thinking that you are certain he knows I like him, he doesn't want to do anything on his end about it but throw me an occasional crumb. If that's the case, how humiliating! I have never done anything for him to know unquestionably that I like him; in fact, I breezed right by him and could only muster up a quick answer over my shoulder afterwards -- then he followed me to sit behind me!

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    Well, I haven't run into this guy since just before my last posted episode until today. (Unfortunately, I have not met anyone else who suits my liking in the meantime. I wish I had.) Anyway, I was sitting in an area with an open seat next to me. He came up and sat next to me but didn't say anything until I looked over, and he smiled. I smiled, and we engaged in some talk; I asked him how he has been, is everything good, are you married -- with a breezy tone and a smile. He smiled after I teasingly asked him if he was married, and he simply shook his head and said no. He was paying attention to what he was doing, so there wasn't a whole lot of conversation, then he said he was going to another area (where we usually bump into each other). Nothing further... Without saying how I feel so as not to taint whatever opinions I get here, I will just leave it at that for now.

  4. #34
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    Sounds like your basic, perfunctory, polite conversation.

    To be honest (and perhaps a bit too blunt), I really think that at one point one of you is going to have to poo or get off the pot here if you want anything to happen beyond analyzing every interaction you have with one another.

    I understand the desire to protect oneself rather than face possible rejection, but I'm wondering if perhaps the suspense of the "chase" here is more desireable than any sort of resolution?
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

  5. #35
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    I initially thought he was being a bit flirtatious yesterday when he came up yesterday and sat beside me, saying nothing until I looked to see who was there, and he was smiling. (I do think there's a degree of shyness on his part. He did not have to sit next to me, so I don't think he's ignoring me in general.) I guess I thought I was flirting a bit when I casually and sarcastically asked if he was married. I was smiling when I said it, so it wasn't like I was probing. I guess if he thought I was interested (hence, the question) and he wanted to send me a message, he could have taken that opportunity to say he was involved with someone or something like that. He simply said no and made a funny noise, like it was preposterous. The mere fact, however, that he didn't really engage with me much while we were sitting there made me feel uncomfortable, then he left.

    I don't think I am more interested in the chase. I think I am just petrified. We run into each other so infrequently now, so there is not much information to go on, and I feel like the momentum is gone -- and maybe the interest on his part. Why doesn't he just leave me alone? I don't really let him know I am interested by openly flirting or touching him, following him when he says he is going to a different area; he approaches me now. However, it doesn't seem to go any further.

  6. #36
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    From my perspective, if he hasn't asked you out, and if he isn't finding reasons to spend a lot of time with you, then it doesn't look as though he's as interested as you are. And since you say you don't give off any indication of interest, he probably assumes that you're not, either. However, that is only my opinion.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    I guess I am in agreement with you about his not being very interested OR he doesn't have the foggiest idea of my interest. (It wouldn't be the first time this has happened in my dating life -- or lack thereof.) However, he has been hot and cold before -- telling me how nice I look one day, chasing me down in the parking lot, then ignoring me the next day, etc. He's been a hard read from the get-go, which causes me to pull back, following his lead. Heaven forbid if I do something suggestive or alluring!

  8. #38
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    Elizabeth,


    There are 24 hours in a day. You guys spend more time toying with one another (so it seems.) Ask yourself this. Are you more interested in the IDEA of what a possible relationship could be or are you truly interested in this guy? Why would you put so much thought into someone who may or may not see you on a regular basis? If he likes you enough, he will ask you out. If he doesn't, he won't. Never assume anything. Always go with what you know.

    1. He hasn't ask you out on a date
    2. You haven't asked him out on a date
    3. He said he had a girlfriend
    4. His way of communicating with you is taken as flirtatious but doesn't mean it IS.


    Just my two cents worth, either go all or nothing on this one. I personally do not think he is interested enough to ask you out but even if he did, would all this childish behavior (does he like me, what does THAT mean, why would he do THAT when he says he has a girlfriend) be worth it to find out he was emotionally unavailable?

    Do what you can not to waste time on someone who really isn't THAT much in to you. He may be friendly. He may sit by you a little while but chalk this one up as he is not interested enough to sit and be friendly with you on a date.


    Take care,


    SuperDave71
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  9. #39
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    I don't like to be considered being toyed with, and that has been one of my issues with him since day one. I was always careful not to let him know I was definitely interested, because I didn't want to be a toy. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I am too smart (and too old!) for that. Anyway, the underlying reason why I never really flirted much or clearly was because I just never knew how he felt, so I erred on the side of caution, perhaps too much so. No, I don't think he is all that interested, and I have been clear about that; hence, my hesitation.

  10. #40
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    How long do you intend to wait? I am asking because you didn't mention that you were going to move on. Don't let his "scraps" of contact be confused with adoring attention.


    -SuperDave71
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  11. #41
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    No, I've never considered his attention "adoring". I hope that was clear. I wouldn't have related so many of my experiences on here if I was sure of their meaning. They were confusing and inconsistent. I don't think I ever considered them as CLEAR indications of his interest; hence, my failure to see if I could move things along; in fact, those episodes thwarted me. Quite frankly, I think I gave up long ago. Technically, I haven't been "waiting", as I had hoped someone else would pique my interest, but that hasn't happened, unfortunately. Our interactions have been fewer than back in January, when they were almost daily during the work week.

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