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Thread: How can I get over the humiliation and find closure?

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    Default How can I get over the humiliation and find closure?

    This man and I had been dating for over 3 months. The last 2 times we saw each other we had sex. I have every reason and indication to believe it was going well. Both times he spent the night and hung out with me for a couple of hours before going home. He kissed me goodbye and sent me a text as soon as he got home, telling me how great it was and how hot I looked that morning, etc.

    A couple of days later he sent me an email, asking my advice about something regarding a pet. I gave him an answer and he said, "Thanks! This is awesome!" and I never heard from him throughout the following week. So (8 days total after his email) I emailed him asking how it had worked out with the pet situation. He ignored it and never answered. Just in case he was busy at the time and forgot to answer later, I emailed him once more after a few more days and said "OK, well I hope everything worked out and that you're doing well "

    No response at all. I'm sure at this point that I've been dumped. But how do I get over the humiliation of being dumped in this way, and how do I keep from racking my brain about what I have done wrong if he won't say? I just cant stand it. What's worse is that we are facebook friends and I don't know whether to delete him or not. I'm afraid it's too permanent, but does keeping him on my friends list make me look desperate / Do those 2 emails I sent make me look desperate??


    PLEASE help me to understand....

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    How many days has it been? 8 days? What do you think happened? Did you notice any red flags whatsoever about this person?



    -SuperDave71
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    Hi Thanks for the quick response. It's been 8 days since I contacted him but he has not contacted me since 2/21 (2 days after the last time I saw him). The only thing I have noticed was that in the past month, he stopped asking me to come to LA (he has a recording studio which is 1/2 way between his house and mine, and he usually would say for me to meet him there instead of driving an hour to come here) and I thought maybe it meant he was hiding something (like another woman). But then, both weekends since I've seen him, he has been on facebook all night Friday and Saturday. (I've blocked him from my newsfeed now, but for those 2 weekends, I saw he was posting stuff and conversing on his wall all night, so not out on dates!) He works 12-15 hour days during the week, so another woman would fit in where? That's why I'm so confused. It's also why I'm actually MORE hurt (He would rather be home alone than with me. That's how much he doesn't like me?

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    So a few hours ago, my cousin called and said our grandmother died. I can't remember being this depressed in a long time. I thought it would make losing a 3 month relationship seem trivial but instead it has compounded the sadness. Well, actually I've known him for a year, but we only started dating 3 mos. ago. Still-- in this state of depression all I want to do is be able to talk to him. This is hell. Any input would be sooooo appreciated right now Thanks

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    I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. A death of any kind is never easy. Depite your grandmothers passing I hope you can stick to your guns and not contact your ex. It may sound like a good idea but I assure you you will feel better in a few days. We are here if you need us.


    Take care and again...I am sooo, sooooo sorry for your loss.


    Take care,

    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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    Thank you Dave

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    Hi SoSad,

    My heart goes out to you - a 3 month relationship (or any length of relationship) which ends is still a loss and you have been going through a kind of grief for that already. But to now go through the second loss, of your grandmother, must be incredibly painful.

    Hang in there, and remember we're here for you.

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    Thank you so much for your words of support. Yesterday was really bad but as far as HE was concerned, I finally moved from the sad stage into the anger stage and it felt good. ("Who the hell does he think he is! What an assclown!" felt so much more empowering than the sad "What is wrong with me that I am so unloveable" lol) And I was able to spend the morning with different family members recounting good memories of my grandmother and it was a good morning, considering. But then, I got an email from assclown. Not an ACTUAL email to ME but a facebook invitation to his band's next show. It's one of those things where he hits a button and invites go out to all of his facebook friends. So either he hasn't even thought of me enough for it to occur to him to un-check my name before sending out the invite, or he is arrogant enough to ask me to come out and support them after having rejected me the way he did. Either way, it was a jolt, and an unwelcome reminder of him and now the sadness is back too. But I'm not going to click "join" or "decline". I'm going to completely ignore it like he has me. Facebook is the devil grrrrr

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    Remove him from Facebook hon,.... you need space to heal and won't find it by getting reminders like this.
    -Peace
    Dan

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dan72 View Post
    Remove him from Facebook hon,.... you need space to heal and won't find it by getting reminders like this.
    Thanks Dan. That was good advice, (that I happened to get right AFTER he commented on one of my facebook posts, lol. ) This was late last night. The weird thing is that it was something I posted on February 28th. I really don't think anyone's newsfeed goes back 2 weeks, so he was definitely on my page, right? Maybe because he had taken me out of his newsfeed as well, and had gotten curious last night and gone onto my profile page. Whatever. I'm thinking it is just a good will gesture -- like an olive branch kind of thing -- letting me know that even though he doesn't want to talk to me any more, there are no hard feelings or malice on his part. And if that's his intention, I do feel a little better. I'm not reading anything else into it other than he put a nice little comment on one of my posts. So I went ahead this morning and hit "like" on his comment. (To show I'm cool and not harboring aggression toward him). I don't think he will try to make actual contact, but what if he does? Do I ignore?

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    Arghhhh assumption city This is why Facebook is of the devil in times of break ups. Maybe this, maybe that,... truth is, noone knows but him, so why torture yourself trying to find hidden meanings in a comment?

    I'm sure you'll not listen :-/, but my advice is yes ignore, and remove him/block him so you don't have to even think about it.
    -Peace
    Dan

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    I agree with Dan - removing/blocking him will only help you out (though most people don't believe that at first). Facebook is for social networking - NOT for determining the status of your relationship with someone. Besides, after a few weeks of hearing nothing from him, why would you want to keep in touch with him at this point? As to whether he's hiding another woman (or even a wife) or not...again - do not let Facebook be your main source of evidence.

    I'm very sorry to hear of your grandmother...losing a loved one is never easy, and perhaps the grief of losing her has been exacerbated by the grief of losing this guy.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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