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Thread: Lesbian relationship advice

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    Default Lesbian relationship advice

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and have been together every moment since we started dating. Lately she has expressed her wanting to have a sexual relationship with a man she has a crush on. I don't want her to feel like I don't trust her. She says all she wants is sex with him and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. So I told her it was okay with me as long as at the end of the day we were still together. So she ended up making out with him then told me what happened. After she told me I felt like she didn't want me anymore, all she did was reassure me that she was in love with me and not him, but I couldn't help but think she isn't happy anymore. All she does is talk about this guy to me and she almost obsesses about him. He doesn't want her except sexually, after the day they made out he doesn't talk to her often, only sometimes over text. It really bothers me how he is being so mean yet she still would prefer to talk to me about how much she wants him. What do i do, i want to stay with her forever, but when we get intimate all i think about is her wanting this man.

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    Dear wattado,

    Welcome, thank you for being here. Well, in my view, if one person asks to have an "open relationship" after they've started having a monogamous one, then my question to them is "Why aren't they getting what they need from the relationship?" and "Can the problems causing this drift apart be recognised and fixed?" or "Does this mean they are actually not suited to be with each other?"

    There are some special circumstances where open relationships are needed i.e. some people love each other dearly but some terrible accident means that one is sexually incapable and the other is sexually frustrated. Or two people both cannot maintain a monogamous relationship to each other due to past trauma, which takes a long time in therapy to sort out and try to heal from, so they agree to see others as well in the meantime; to enable them to also still see each other without being frightened apart due to a fear of emotional commitment.

    Now I have some other questions for you, firstly how old are you? Secondly how long have you been attracted to the same sex and were you ever attracted to the opposite sex or have you experimented? Thirdly and fourthly the same questions as the first and second questions except about your partner?!

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Hi Wattado,

    I'm sorry this is going on in your relationship. I don't have a problem with open relationships in general but what I suggest is that people make sure they have a solid foundation (usually been together for 5 years or more) and they don't have relationship problems. Otherwise issues like the ones you're experiencing right now usually show up. It sounds like there is an intimacy and passion problem that your girlfriend is avoiding by trying to get her needs met outside of the relationship.

    For you: You need to commit to finding out what needs of hers are not being met and learning how to meet them. Don't keep bringing up your insecurities and this man as long as she commits to stop talking about him and interacting with him.

    For her: If she cares about saving this relationship, she needs to stop talking to this guy and about this guy and start talking to you about what needs he's fulfilling for her.

    Without talking to you more, I can only speak in generalities. Usually women who are behaving the way your girlfriend is behaving is acting out becomes certain needs are not being met. I would suggest that you become an attentive partner to her by: 1. Romancing Her - bringing her flowers, take her out dancing, call her in the middle of the day just to tell her you love her 2. Emotionally Supporting Her - Allow her to emotionally unload without trying to fix her problems, make her feel bad, etc (learn to be a empathetic listener)

    I hope this helps, good luck!

    Christine
    Lesbian Love Guru - Re-Igniting the Love and Passion in Lesbian Relationships!

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