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Thread: Can anyone help me make sense of this situation?

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    Default Can anyone help me make sense of this situation?

    Soo there's this girl at my job and everytime were around eachother we say hello and that's it. I always found her cute but she never seemed interested.

    The other day she was at a party that I was at and the next thing you know were dancing and she's telling me that she always thought I was so good looking but thought I was cocky so she didn't want to be just another girl giving me attention etc My friend even said how this has been prolonged cause she liked you for a while.

    Anyway the whole night she's on my lap, were flirting, dancing, etc. Me and my friends met her and her friends at the club the next day and it was weird because we only danced a little and she basically left too without saying anything. I waited a couple days and sent her a text initiate some contact, but the convo went no where. Now I'm not one to usually "stress" a girl but I am interested in why one night she's all over me, "praising" my good looks and flirting an telling me she always looks at me etc etc and the next she backs off!
    -some of my friends said maybe it was just we were drinking that night, but still all that does is bring out the truth!! Any input on this situation? I'm done talking to her I just would like to know what went wrong and where for the future !

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    Hi there,

    It could possibly be that the drink enabled her to reveal how she felt for you. It could also be a way for her to show you she was interested so that you now pursue her. Of course, it could also be a drunken moment of madness. My money would be on one of the first two. It hasn't been long enough to really know the truth. When you say 'she backs off', what do you mean? If you just mean she is no longer 'all over you', then my answer would be that intoxication also gives you confidence, and most people certainly wouldn't behave as intensely toward someone they like once sobriety kicks in! Do you catch her glances? Does she appear to show zero interest? Or just limited? Zero could just mean she is embarrased as she does not know how you feel about how she behaved?

    In my opinion, there isn't enough info to really know, but you cannot assume she isn't interested just because she appears aloof. If YOU are interested, give it a few days and perhaps spark off a conversation and see where it goes. Maybe she is waiting for some kind of confirmation that her advances were acceptable....
    -Peace
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    Hello Nyckidd
    To answer your question i'm going to tell you a little story form my "University days". I joined Law School a bit later than most youngsters there and was about 3-4 years older than most, also the university was like 400km from my hometown, so i was basicly a stranger there. Rented a flat and lived on my own, but my situation was way different than on my colleagues, that were still living with their parents because the Uni was in their home town. One of my best friends there was a guy named Chris....this guy was a looker, you could have pulled him straight out of men's magazines, he was that good looking and he wasn't a model or something....nature just gave him a head-start. BUT, he was shy as hell...once a girl approached him, i couldn't belive my eyes the things that came out of his mouth or the silly way he started behaving. He was the perfect example of "Looks is not everything" . To cut the story short, as we were clubbing and going out, i had to teach him the rule of "Attitude vs Looks". He was a fast learner but never quite got around using cockiness so in most times he forgot to add "being funny" into the "being arrogant" behavior. Still, girls were digging him like crazy but unfortunately he was still letting his guard down way too fast and revealed the shy guy almost 10 minutes after getting attention. To cut the story short (again) he was getting a lot of "WTH just happened ?" scenarios, just like yours

    It may sound counter-intuitive, but the girl just gave you the answer on a platter What really attracted her was your cockiness (sure, good looks also), not the hope that underneath that layer of "arrogant + funny" she'll discover a really nice, husband material, guy. Women will always test you for BS, so even if she said that "she didn't want to be just another girl giving me attention", she was just trying to see if the package fits the product. My theory is that you've let your guard down and started a little bit of a push, behavior that was different from the "Cocky guy that gets a lot of attention from girls" she was expecting to find. My advice would be to act the way you acted before that night and be cool about it like it's nothing out of the ordinary. Most people would say it's "playing hard to get" shenanigans but the way i see it, it's a very fine line between being an arrogant prick and a confident, strong on my own two feet type of male.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dan72 View Post
    Hi there,

    It could possibly be that the drink enabled her to reveal how she felt for you. It could also be a way for her to show you she was interested so that you now pursue her. Of course, it could also be a drunken moment of madness. My money would be on one of the first two. It hasn't been long enough to really know the truth. When you say 'she backs off', what do you mean? If you just mean she is no longer 'all over you', then my answer would be that intoxication also gives you confidence, and most people certainly wouldn't behave as intensely toward someone they like once sobriety kicks in! Do you catch her glances? Does she appear to show zero interest? Or just limited? Zero could just mean she is embarrased as she does not know how you feel about how she behaved?

    In my opinion, there isn't enough info to really know, but you cannot assume she isn't interested just because she appears aloof. If YOU are interested, give it a few days and perhaps spark off a conversation and see where it goes. Maybe she is waiting for some kind of confirmation that her advances were acceptable....

    She showed limited interest while we were out, so she wasn't completley cold. BUT when I was texting her and asked what she was doing after work on thurs I never even got a response, which I find strange!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slick View Post
    Hello Nyckidd
    To answer your question i'm going to tell you a little story form my "University days". I joined Law School a bit later than most youngsters there and was about 3-4 years older than most, also the university was like 400km from my hometown, so i was basicly a stranger there. Rented a flat and lived on my own, but my situation was way different than on my colleagues, that were still living with their parents because the Uni was in their home town. One of my best friends there was a guy named Chris....this guy was a looker, you could have pulled him straight out of men's magazines, he was that good looking and he wasn't a model or something....nature just gave him a head-start. BUT, he was shy as hell...once a girl approached him, i couldn't belive my eyes the things that came out of his mouth or the silly way he started behaving. He was the perfect example of "Looks is not everything" . To cut the story short, as we were clubbing and going out, i had to teach him the rule of "Attitude vs Looks". He was a fast learner but never quite got around using cockiness so in most times he forgot to add "being funny" into the "being arrogant" behavior. Still, girls were digging him like crazy but unfortunately he was still letting his guard down way too fast and revealed the shy guy almost 10 minutes after getting attention. To cut the story short (again) he was getting a lot of "WTH just happened ?" scenarios, just like yours

    It may sound counter-intuitive, but the girl just gave you the answer on a platter What really attracted her was your cockiness (sure, good looks also), not the hope that underneath that layer of "arrogant + funny" she'll discover a really nice, husband material, guy. Women will always test you for BS, so even if she said that "she didn't want to be just another girl giving me attention", she was just trying to see if the package fits the product. My theory is that you've let your guard down and started a little bit of a push, behavior that was different from the "Cocky guy that gets a lot of attention from girls" she was expecting to find. My advice would be to act the way you acted before that night and be cool about it like it's nothing out of the ordinary. Most people would say it's "playing hard to get" shenanigans but the way i see it, it's a very fine line between being an arrogant prick and a confident, strong on my own two feet type of male.
    Alot of good info here! It def seems like you know your stuff.

    A little off subject but you say you went 400km from home to college. How was that? The reason I ask is because I live in PA, USA and I got accepted as a transfer to Miami U. This is pretty far but it seems like the oppurtunity of a lifetime, despite the fact that it would be life changing and I don't know anyone down there.

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    A little off subject but you say you went 400km from home to college. How was that? The reason I ask is because I live in PA, USA and I got accepted as a transfer to Miami U. This is pretty far but it seems like the oppurtunity of a lifetime, despite the fact that it would be life changing and I don't know anyone down there.
    I can't speak for Mike, but I moved about 500 miles away from home to go to graduate school, and it was a bit surreal at first. I was in a new city that I'd never lived in before, knew nobody, and was starting a rigorous program. I had a couple of months of "Holy crap, what did I just do?" but I adjusted fine, made friends with people in my classes, etc. But I also moved to a gorgeous historical city with fantastic food, so that's been a big bonus of living here.

    Out of curiosity, is this Miami of Ohio or Miami, Florida?

    As for this girl's confession, well, it sounds like a bit of "liquid courage" was involved, but I wouldn't go so far as to say that it was the alcohol talking completely. I only say this because I can't think of any time in which I was so wasted that I did something completely insane that meant nothing...then again, my "self control thing" generally means that I never get so wasted as to completely lose myself and act like an idiot, vomit in public, or sing karaoke. But I AM more likely to be a bit braver expressing feelings I've already had to begin with...and also I tend to try (unsuccessfully) to convince people that I'm a total bad@ss, but that's not really relevant here. ;)

    As Mike said, she pretty much dropped her real feelings right in her lap. I'm not sure I can explain her growing more distant, other than the possible "God, I shouldn't have said all that" reaction. The way I see it, you've asked her out, and the ball is now in her court. She may be expecting you to be a cocky guy (and people usually see what they want to see whether you're projecting that or not), but I think it's best to play it cool with this one and see where it goes.
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    Thanks for the input! And I am talking about Miami Florida. Only 20% of transfers were accepted so I feel like I don't want to pass up this opportunity. But I was also accepted to St john's in NY which is a lot closer ( I live in PA ) but I'm def leaning towards the Miami side.

    As for the girl I just played it cool and haven't even talked to her or seen her. I'm sure I'll see her again at work and we shall see how that interaction goes!

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    Congrats! Definitely do what works best for you regarding school...I think that visiting a campus is one of the best ways to decide if it's a good "fit" for you. It's what ultimately made me make my decision.

    But if you go to Miami, promise me that you won't decorate ANYTHING with those plastic pink flamingos!
    "Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card

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    Quote Originally Posted by OhManINeedCoffee View Post
    Congrats! Definitely do what works best for you regarding school...I think that visiting a campus is one of the best ways to decide if it's a good "fit" for you. It's what ultimately made me make my decision.

    But if you go to Miami, promise me that you won't decorate ANYTHING with those plastic pink flamingos!
    I decided to go to st. johns so you won't have to worry about me decorating anything!

    It was a tough desicion because I felt like Miami would have been such a better college experience and it is ranked in the top 40 schools in the nation. BUT then again st. johns is right in the center of manhattan so my job placement for business will probably be much better. I hope i made the right choice!

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