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Thread: Get Your Boyfriend Back Why Your Next Move Will Make It Or Break It

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    Default Get Your Boyfriend Back

    This is an article found originally here:

    http://www.zimbio.com/Emotional+Affa...Next+Move+Will
    By kellyschow on September 5, 2011


    It’s apparent that after the breakup you’re left standing alone with a broken heart trying to pick up the pieces of your relationship. Your ex isn’t returning your calls or texts and as the clock slowly ticks away you feel him slipping though your fingers, but what’s killing you deep inside is that you have no idea where to start or what to do to get him back.

    If this is where you’re at right now, take comfort. Everyone from every walk of life at some point in time has broken up with someone, so even though you may feel alone, you’re not. Many couples break up but more importantly many of these couples also make up.

    It’s important for you to know that no matter how your relationship ended or what caused it, you can always get back with your ex.

    Before you read any further, I want you to take a minute to stop and picture yourself in an open space with no one around.

    Now I want you to imagine that there are several different paths around you leading you away in every possible direction. These paths represent the many different roads you can take to get your boyfriend back. Most will lead you away from him, but there are a few that will land you right back in his arms.

    Knowing which paths you should or shouldn’t take is key here. If you choose wrong and go down the wrong path for too long, you’ll push him away. However if you pick the right path at the right time you can not only get back together but you can do it in record time.

    The greatest tool at your disposal right now is knowledge. Getting back together with your ex is a skill and just like dating people, it’s something you get better at over time. If you know and understand your ex’s mind you have a much better chance of doing and saying the right things at the right time.

    At the end of the day it’s all about how you time things with him. You still need to choose the right path to go down, but more importantly you need to do it at the correct speed. Move to fast and he’ll bolt the other way. Don’t move at all and he’ll lose interest in you and your window of opportunity will be gone.

    Knowing where you need to start is the central thing here. There are fast methods and techniques available to you to help you to take those first steps on the correct path. Find out what you should and shouldn’t do directly below before making your next move.

    Avoiding The Most Common Breakup Mistakes

    The time period right after the break up is the most crucial one because the actions you take or don’t take will most likely determine the difficulty of getting back together. Making the wrong moves here can bring you big problems because they do things for the sake of looking interested in getting back together.

    It’s important for you to know at this time that your mistakes will be put under the microscope. I know deep down your gut reaction is to make a move and do everything possible to halt the breakup. The harsh reality is that doing something right now would make the situation worse, not better.

    Right now you’re at your lowest point emotionally. You’ve got thousands of thoughts running around in your head and you don’t know how to deal with them and it’s easer to act than to sit and think things through.

    Hopelessness, misery, anger, resentment… it doesn’t take a lot right now to do or say something you’ll regret later and any over-reaction by you could drive him further away and make any chance of getting back together more difficult or maybe even impossible.

    Running after, begging, pleading, stalking… you might think these actions will bring him back to you, but they won’t. Doing these things only hurts you and makes you look desperate.

    Let me take you into the mind of a guy after a breakup:

    “When I break up with a girl the last thing I need is to hear from her because every conversation is centered around the relationship and getting back together.”

    “It’s difficult to talk to her understanding she still wants you back, sometimes you don’t know what to say. And whatever you do say won’t make her happy, therefore the ideal thing to do is to avoid her.”

    “If she keeps calling and texting things tend to get out of hand fast, and soon she’s angry at you as well as being upset. Breaking up is stressful enough without the additional drama.”


    Obviously, there’s no early quick fix for your break up and when you move too quickly too soon, your ex boyfriend’s first instinct is to keep away from you not draw closer to you. It’s possible you could make him upset and resentful which could make things awkward for both of you and when you’re finally ready to get back with him he’ll remember the awkward feelings and it will be a roadblock for you.

    Your Best Moves Immediately After The Breakup

    Believe it or not, you need to let him just walk away at this point.

    It’s that simple. I know it sounds wierd but when you let him out of the relationship without any fighting or harsh feelings you gain his respect and that puts you in the driver’s seat. Having his respect is a critical step in getting him back again.

    What’s even better is as your ex and you part ways, he’ll wonder why you’re not chasing him. Chances are he expected a huge fight with you but you turned the tables on him by not doing anything and as a result set him off his game.

    Ending the relationship on good terms will work wonders for you. Not only will it drive him crazy, but he’ll feel like he was rejected also.

    Despite the fact that he initiated the separation, he relied on the fact that you still loved him and banked on the fact that you’d try and talk him out of it. No doubt he anticipated you to chase him and try and keep the relationship going.

    But instead of the reaction he expected from you, you’ve suddenly walked away without a care in the world and he’s left wondering how much you value the relationship. He might also think you’re seeing someone else and for all he knows, you agree to the breakup as much as he does.

    Agreeing With and Accepting The Break up – Why It Works

    You might have read a lot about this theory already and that’s because accepting your fate and the situation instead of fighting it puts you in a position of strength.

    In order to end up back together again, any action you take must be done from a position of power and control. If you don’t have this, you won’t get very far.

    Don’t forget this one point. Your ex boyfriend had an expectation about how you would be affected by the breakup and every time you do something unanticipated you get more power and control over what happens next. By going against the grain in a breakup you’re actually taking charge and steering it back to reconciliation. That’s how you get him back.

    He can’t argue with you when you go along with the breakup because you throw him off when you’re on the same page.
    Last edited by SuperDave71; 03-30-2012 at 11:15 AM. Reason: Always give credit to someone else's work.

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    Hello
    I am Nivi. I would try to keep my story as short as possible. I am 20 years of age now. I fell in love with Naren when I was 13. He also did (atleast he said so). After 7 months of affair he left me for someone else. Okay, now I never had much bonding with any of my family members. Naren was the only person I gave all my love to. I used to call him whenever I got a chance. One day his girlfriend called up at my place and told my parents that I was coming between them. In spite of all these I couldn't hate him. After few days Naren changed all his contact number and since I didn't know any of his friends I couldn't contact him at that time.
    I was madly and deeply in love with him. I was alone and depressed for about two years. When I turned 16, suddenly Naren came back to my life. Obviously in between every opportunity I got I used to mail him but he hardly replied. But suddenly Naren was back in my life. I was happier than ever. Then within a week we started dating again. During that time he told me he loved a girl very much and she has left him. They even had physical relation. Most of the times Naren was busy telling me how much he missed her and all. Just because I didn't want to loose him again I used to listen to it and cry. It was during the second phase of our relationship, I slept with him.
    As usual again after a few months Naren dumped me but promised me that I would have him anytime I want him beside me and he would stand by me through thick and thin (obviously he doesn't now). I was still a bit satisfied that at-least I wont loose him totally.
    When I turned 19, Naren got a job and moved to another place.From there he hardly used to call me. After few months he told me that he has a girlfriend there. And he used to tell me that "my girlfriend has given me this", "she has done that for me", "she does so much for me" etc etc. I was told by him that I could only call him on Sundays. Every time I called he used to behave so rudely to me.
    Now I am 20 and still I am not able to move on. I surfed the net and got to know about the no contact rule. I tried it so many times. Every time I ended up mailing him or calling him.
    My parents have always been against mine and Naren's relationship. Still I went against them every time. When Naren had no job, I used to skip my meals to save up some money and at the end of the month I would give that money to him. Every time I prayed, I prayed for him. Then why is this happening to me?????
    I really want him back. Help me!!!!!

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    What happens when you are the one that suggests the break up because you see your BF personal issues and unhappiness is preventing the relationship moving forward? That's what happend me me I suggetsed we split up he said you're so understanding but the next day I gt angry and upset but then text him to say I was angry at the situation not him. This was then followed by me calling him a few times a week but not to beg just to ask him why and what went wrong? I asked him do you understand why I need to get some answers and he said yes I also told him I still supported his choice and that he needed to be happy before making another happy, but I just had so many questions and he was happy to answer them. When he came to get his things I made sure I was cool and supportive and understading I kept it light and focused on othe topics of conversation. I said maybe when he's in a place where he is happy and the love is there we could be together. He was very emotional hugged me so many times we even kissed?! He wanted to stay intouch and meet up sometime for coffee. I just said ill keep intouch. I have made a vow to commit to NC but what does his actions mean? He seemed very unsure to spliting up? I also would like to know do you think I handled the break up badly? When he left the other day he said it was good to talk, was glad he came over and left almost crying? He even said what do I do if I cry at work? Do yoi think there is a chance I'm so confused any help is appreciated!

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