Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Am i the one who is wrong?

  1. #1
    Freshman Member
    Points: 341, Level: 6
    Points: 341, Level: 6
    Level completed: 82%,
    Points required for next Level: 9
    Level completed: 82%, Points required for next Level: 9
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points7 days registered31 days registered3 months registered250 Experience Points
    Susie1's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    9
    Points
    341
    Level
    6
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default Am i the one who is wrong?

    Hi guys, need advice. My bf of 1 year went out last night. It was half 6 and he said he would only be an hour or so, fixing bike. He took my car as we share it. He called me at 8, says he will be another hour and a half. Earlier that day he said he wanted to go out with me tonight so i asked that means we are not going out? He said i really need to fix this bike. I said ok.he said if i want the car he will bring it but i will need to give him a lift to his mate where he was. If i dont want it, he will leave it there over night as he is going to have a few beers. It was 10pm when he text me saying he is nearly done. I called him, he answered and said he wont be long and will talk to me at home. By this time i was a bit mad as i was stuck at home 4 hours and without a car. He got home at half 11. A little bit drunk but he brought the car with him. I got mad and said next time he could have told me he was gonna be all night so i could go out too instead of me waiting for him thinking he wasnt gonna be long. Anyway he told me i am over reacting an i can be a right **** sometimes and tonight is one of those times. We then didnt talk, he said he was gonna sleep on the sofa and i let him. I woke up 2 hours later when he came to sleep in bed and i didnt say a word. This morning he said hes borrowing my car and went out, said he will only be half an hour. Im not sure whether i should apologize or whether he should apologize to me? Oh and by te way when i tried to tell him i wasnt happy about he fact he left me at home he just said whatever. Can you please tell me if its my fault and maybe i am trying to control him or if i am right here? I cant see it without someone telling me please. Thank you

  2. #2
    Freshman Member
    Points: 172, Level: 3
    Points: 172, Level: 3
    Level completed: 44%,
    Points required for next Level: 28
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 54.0%
    Overall activity: 54.0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience PointsTagger Second Class
    lovelydovey's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    San Francisco, CA, USA
    Posts
    5
    Points
    172
    Level
    3
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    It's not healthy to try to find who's to blame in a relationship.

    Yes, it was wrong for him to leave you waiting, and not give you a definite answer as to when he would be home. If he wanted to hang out with his friends, he should have just said that, instead of making you wait. BUT have you ever thought that maybe, he felt like he had to lie to you because he was afraid of telling you he changed his mind about going out with you and hanging out with his friends instead? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make an excuse for him, but there seems to be a lack of communication between you both.

    Look back at your relationship, do you often get mad at him for going out with friends? Does he have time to hang out with friends (without you there?) If the answer is no, then you need to give him some space, or the lying will only get worse.

    Talk to him, tell him you didn't appreciate him lying to you about when he would be home, and making you wait four hours, and that if he really wanted to hang out with his friends, he should have just said something. Next time he's in a similar situation, he just needs to talk to you, not lie to you.

  3. #3
    Freshman Member
    Points: 341, Level: 6
    Points: 341, Level: 6
    Level completed: 82%,
    Points required for next Level: 9
    Level completed: 82%, Points required for next Level: 9
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points7 days registered31 days registered3 months registered250 Experience Points
    Susie1's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    9
    Points
    341
    Level
    6
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Thank you for a reply. I think you are right. I will have a think about my behaviour. Thanks

  4. #4
    Freshman Member
    Points: 172, Level: 3
    Points: 172, Level: 3
    Level completed: 44%,
    Points required for next Level: 28
    Level completed: 44%, Points required for next Level: 28
    Overall activity: 54.0%
    Overall activity: 54.0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience PointsTagger Second Class
    lovelydovey's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    San Francisco, CA, USA
    Posts
    5
    Points
    172
    Level
    3
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    You're totally welcome! I hope things work out for the best. Don't forget to come back and let us know how it goes.

  5. #5
    Gold Member
    Points: 4,523, Level: 42
    Points: 4,523, Level: 42
    Level completed: 87%,
    Points required for next Level: 27
    Level completed: 87%, Points required for next Level: 27
    Overall activity: 99.3%
    Overall activity: 99.3%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points500 Experience Points250 Experience Points100 Experience Points
    Awards:
    Downloads
    Slick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Romania
    Posts
    395
    Points
    4,523
    Level
    42
    My Mood
    Relaxed
    Rep Power
    109


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    I'm a bit split between 2 opinions on this one...on one side of the coin i agree with Dovey on the white lie theory but also, being a male, i see the other side of the coin, which is made out of "male practicality": it is fairly possible that in his mind he considered the practical aspect (fixing his bike) being far more important than the relationship one (going out with you) - it's not something uncommon, it's just the male way of seeing things and arranging priorities: practical has a purpose and can't be delayed (i know, of course it can be, but if he's a bit of a gear-head he's also result oriented meaning once he decides to start something he'll be up no matter how much it takes to see it done) while human interactions can be delayed as it involves another person. I know it's hard to gasp, but as frustrated as you were to see that he's putting you in the back burner, he probably got pretty frustrated also when he realized that you didn't understood his determination in fixing his bike. Let's take a different scenario : woman nags about the dishwasher being broken and how hard/unpleasant/time consuming is to have it that way -> man says he'll fix it and the woman is going "Yeeeyyyy" -> fixing it takes longer than usual and the woman (being a woman and thinking fixing a dishwasher is a 10 min job) starts loosing her patience, get bored, looses focus and her attention wanders off into "something better to do territory", prompting the male to "go out and do something together" -> the male is half happy half puzzled by the broken dishwasher, even if it's clear to him that he can't fix it, he at least, will try to determine the cause and do his best -> woman nags and says "leave it alone, we'll get someone" -> male won't quit and in the end he'll either fix it, either find the cause of the problem and will know what to do next time -> woman is mad because the evening is lost and they got stuck at home because of a stupid dishwasher -> the man, all dirty and probably tired, gets frustrated by the fact that the woman (the one to which fixing the dishwasher was so important a few hours ago) considered "going out" (a thing which to his male mind, can be done any other time) to be more important that the practicality of a home appliance that , if working, will make your life easier.

    That's about it

    On a side note, "fixing things" is a bonding experience between males, so the beers come as natural in this kind of things
    "What you won't let die, won't let you live "

  6. #6
    Freshman Member
    Points: 116, Level: 2
    Points: 116, Level: 2
    Level completed: 32%,
    Points required for next Level: 34
    Level completed: 32%, Points required for next Level: 34
    Overall activity: 27.0%
    Overall activity: 27.0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    3
    Points
    116
    Level
    2
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    It's just a matter of opinions. In his opinion, he didn't do anything wrong, in yours he did. If you could just sit down and let him know calmly what you expect from him and what made you get mad at him that night, I am sure he will understand and you will reach to a reasonable conclusion. If you feel you did wrong by getting mad at him apologize. Don't try to find out who is right or who is wrong. If you feel you did wrong, just apologize. If he also feels he did wrong, he will also apologize.

  7. #7
    Freshman Member
    Points: 341, Level: 6
    Points: 341, Level: 6
    Level completed: 82%,
    Points required for next Level: 9
    Level completed: 82%, Points required for next Level: 9
    Overall activity: 0%
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    100 Experience Points7 days registered31 days registered3 months registered250 Experience Points
    Susie1's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Posts
    9
    Points
    341
    Level
    6
    Rep Power
    0


    Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No

    Default

    Thanks for the responses, i completely understand and agree with what Slick said, my bf is exactly how he described him. I just never been explained it that well, thank you!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Am I wrong?
    By warpedlogic in forum Male Point of View
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 05-10-2012, 06:11 AM
  2. Question Is it wrong to,...
    By Dan72 in forum What's On Your Mind?
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 05-28-2009, 01:30 PM

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •