Reply With QuoteHello and welcome. Could you elaborate a bit more on why YOU believe you can't make love to your wife? We need a few more details if you don't mind.
Thanks in advance,
SuperDave71
Points: 195, Level: 3
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No sex
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What am I doing wrong? I havent been able to make love to my wife in almost six months...any answers?
Points: 78,139, Level: 100
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Hello and welcome. Could you elaborate a bit more on why YOU believe you can't make love to your wife? We need a few more details if you don't mind.
Thanks in advance,
SuperDave71
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle
Points: 9,102, Level: 64
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Yes, this question is too vague. It would help to know if it's you having trouble or if it's her not having sex with you?
Points: 195, Level: 3
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She constantly blows me off, and is never in the mood
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Do you have any idea WHY she might be doing this?
-SuperDave71
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle
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And have you addressed this problem with her? That may be your first step.
"Are tangerines really just oranges that didn't want it enough?" - Random Greeting Card
Points: 195, Level: 3
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Yes I have. She just ignores me. It will b 17 yrs this year that we have been married. ???
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Halhutch75,
Welcome.
1) When did this all start?
2) Have you sat down and had a discussion about it?
3) If yes, then what did she say?
4) When was the last time you had sex?
5) What about other forms of intimacy, does she hug you, kiss you etc?
6) How old is she and how old are you?
7) Do you have any children?
8) Has she become closed off emotionally with other people i.e. friends/family?
9) What do you think is the reason for this behaviour?
10) Is there anything else that you think might be relevant that you haven't mentioned?
I look forward to hearing from you.
All the best,
Annita
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha
Points: 195, Level: 3
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3kids, she wil not kiss me or hug me, and no she is not an emotional person. Truthfully i have emotional problems. All she does is treat me like im a coworker...last time it was over christmas...that long...
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Points: 231, Level: 4
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Man...
I recently went through this same thing.
Got pushed away repeatedly.
Eventually gave up went elsewhere... (I don't advise this route as I kinda ****ed my life up)
However.
She started pushing me away physically because she was sleeping elsewhere unkown to me at the time, and the latter allegedly was due to self concicse issues.
The one good thing that came out of me cheating, was getting my confidence back in the bedroom. Which i'd lost for quite sometime....
I'd say.
Check if she's cheating.
Or.
If she dislikes her own body.
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To be honest, i have to agree with Ash here and say that it's possible the attraction ignited somewhere else... it's a hurried conclusion, that's true, but how was your sex life prior to this 6 months wall ?
"What you won't let die, won't let you live "
Points: 9,102, Level: 64
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Having been in this situation the other way around I would just immediately assume that she is cheating. Sure, that could be a possibility but I know for me that wasn't the case. I had a pretty high sex drive before being pregnant and towards the end it got uncomfortable and after I had an issue with pain for a long time but mixed in with that I really think a lot of it was deeper issues in the relationship. I felt like I wasn't getting enough affection and that we were arguining too much. I was upset emotionally so that made me never in the mood and I would turn down sex and I'd feel bad about it but often times I would mostly be too exhausted and afraid of not enjoying it. I think not having sex often probably contributed to more problems too. Definitely if you have the chance to and your wife is willing to make an effort too.. You two should sit down and really have a good talk about things. Tall about how you feel about the fact that you two haven't had sex and see what she feels about it. Ask her what the two of you can do to improve and fix whatever issues are lying underneath it all. Don't expect to pressure about sex right away and often. Just figure out what to do to start trying again. If she is cheating.. The guy above is right about how nothing really good will come out of you finding sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Just talk to see where the both of you stand first and see what can be done.
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A lack of intimacy and sex = there is a problem between you.
It's simple, 90% of the time sex is 10% of the relationship. When things are smooth and good, so is the sex. When there is a communication breakdown, a breach of trust or a lack of respect or caring, then often and suddenly the sex is either non-existent or bad. People focus on that and make it 90% of the problem, however in actuality the issue is elsewhere.
You've admitted you have emotional problems, I ask you to explain what these problems are and how your relationship was before this issue started?
Also have you seen anyone about these problems?
I look forward to hearing from you.
All the best,
Annita
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha
Points: 195, Level: 3
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Most of my emotional problems stem from my childhood. To ne quite honest, I was raped by three teenage boys when I was 11 yrs old. I didnt tell anyone about it until I was 29. I still haven't seen anyone about it. Maybe i'm just to scared, I don't know...
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Halhutch75,
I am sorry you've had such a traumatic experience. You do need to talk to someone about this. It is known as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
In some people, if they don't talk about these things, the brain does strange things. Why? Because when you are tired/hungry/stressed your mental compartment barriers of your brain drop. This can mean subconscious or suppressed memories can surface or be triggered and then a number of things could happen, fainting, memory loss etc.
It is imperative you see someone.
Where are you located?
There are good services in all Western countries for this sort of thing.
Here is a list of helpful sites:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/default.html
http://www.survivorsuk.org/
http://1in6.org/
http://www.myost.com/sam.html
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-R...-Survivor-Heal
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/S...nd-One-of-Them
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/10-Da...f-Sexual-Abuse
http://www.oprah.com/pressroom/Histo...-Molestation_1
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/The-S...ld-Abuse-Video
I hope these are somewhat useful. Please keep talking to us, we care and we want things to get better for you.
All the best,
Annita
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha
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