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Thread: boyfriend stressed and distant

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    Default boyfriend stressed and distant

    My boyfriend and I have been together 10 months total. The last 4 months have been long distance because he found a good job in another state and left. I have stayed behind for now, but before he left he did talk of me moving there and 2 months ago when I went to visit him he kept telling me to get a one way ticket and stay there.

    The last 2 weeks he has been distant and not wanting to talk to me. He is trying to buy a house, and he started the paper work with the bank for the mortgage and that is when he did a total 180. 2 weeks ago when I talked to him he said he was not happy with the bank and it is draining. I told him I felt like I was bugging him, and he said nah I just haven't been in the best mood. A few days after that I got a hold of him again, and he said I decided to say f it and drink tonight (he rarely does). He complained a little about the bank and said he is starting to not even care. I said I've never seen you like this and he just said sorry I'm going to finish my drink and go to bed and he wouldn't talk more after that.

    Sunday night, which is the last time I talked to him, he said he still waiting to hear from the bank. I asked how he's been and he said hanging in. I got nervous and asked if everything was ok with us, he just said I've just been really down, not yes or no to that question. I asked it what was wrong and he said everythings just piling in on him at once. I ended it with I'm here for you if you need to talk and if you want to be left alone, its ok. He said thanks and I have not heard from him since.

    Does this sound like he is going to break up with me, or just the stress from buying the house and everything? He works 40 hours also, as well as I. I have never bought a house, so I don't know if its really that bad,

    Thanks everyone

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    Default

    Hi,

    Respectfully, the only person who knows what is up with him is him!

    I suggest next time you speak to you him you ask him if there is anything you can do to help him with all the things that are going on and arrange your next visit to him or his next visit to you. If he is reluctant to do that then I would advise you simply agree that perhaps now is too stressful a time to organise it and when he's not so busy if he gives you a call you can chat again. Remember to put the ball in his court every time. It lets him deal with the stress of house buying without having any added stress from you. If you don't hear from him, don't worry about it. Give him time and space to deal with what is happening.

    Once the house buying process is over then you can reassess what his feelings are because then he should be able to find time to call you and see you and not give further excuses. If he then makes further excuses, you may need to ask him if there is a problem, if there is something he is afraid of or something he needs, that he has not communicated with you. Try to let him speak without interruption and listen to what he says. This way you will hear the truth and not just transfer of stress from the house buying process.

    Working so many hours and dealing with house buying, may make him very tired and very stressed. Mostly at this time, my view is that you need to be patient. Time will make apparent what is going on. Take some deep breaths and just get on with your own things, even mundane things like tidying, cleaning, washing, or going out with friends, going to sporting events, or reading a book. Focus on yourself and remember that whatever happens, you will be able to deal with it.

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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    Default

    Honeymel just by going through this post we cant come to the conclusion, but one thing i can say buying house is really stressful work it requires lot of hard work and time but at the same time he cannot ignore you for such a long time without talking it also gives indication of breakup. It will be better if you talk to him clearly regarding this issue.

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