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Thread: Feelings changed within 12 hours after dating for 1 year?

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    Exclamation Feelings changed within 12 hours after dating for 1 year?

    My boyfriend & I had been dating for 13 months. We're both 16. A few days ago, he randomly came up with the idea of breaking up over the phone. I did not quite understand why, & I still don't.

    Just a day before the break up, everything was perfectly fine. We did the usual stuff we do, i went over to his house in the morning and he cooked me breakfast, we cuddled, watched movies and fell asleep in his bed. Around 4pm, I had to leave because his mom was going to be home soon and he wasn't allowed people over that day, so he waited for the bus with me at his bus stop. At the bus stop, everything was normal, we were talking about our future and all that. He came up with the idea that we should make a to do list since we always say we'll do stuff but then never took actions for it because we were too lazy. & he said that he already planned out what we were going to be doing for our 1 year & a half.

    On the day of the break up, I saw him on the bus as i was bussing to my orthodontist appointment, and he was going to work & everything was normal then too. He saw that it was getting chilly outside so he gave me his jacket. When I left to go on another bus, he gave me a kiss and a hug and told me he loved me and will talk to me later. On that night, right after he got off, he texted me saying ''babe'' & i replied telling him i had to go shower and I'll text him when i get back. After I showered, i texted him, he told me he wasn't in the mood to talk and so I knew something was wrong and I asked what was wrong. He said he didn't want to talk about it, so I left it alone for a little while. An hour later, I called him to check up on him and wanted to make sure everything was alright. He told me that he wasn't in the mood to talk still but wouldn't tell me what was wrong. So I kept asking him what was wrong hoping that he'd tell me. He told me it has something to do with me, so then I got even more worried and tried to make him tell me. When he finally told me, he said that he was talking to his co worker at work, and she asked him how long we've been dating for, he said a year, & she was like "aren't you bored?" . At first he was like no, he's not bored. But that question really made him think, and he realized that he was somewhat bored of our relationship since everything we do is so repetitive & told me his feelings changed and that he still loves me, but not in love with me.

    Is it really possible for feelings to change within 12 hours? Before that night, everything was perfectly fine and normal. There were no signs or anything that told me that his feelings were changing. As a girl, I know that we are more emotionally sensitive and paranoid when it comes to how other people feels towards us. If his feelings did change, I'd be able to pick up the signs and notice it right away. But there were no signs whatsoever for me to pick up. He didn't give me any mixed signals or anything. Just literally 2 days before the break up, my friend asked him how things were going between us, and he told her that things were going really good since summer started and that we haven't been fighting as much.

    During one of our recent arguments, he told me that he loves me a lot and wasn't sure if I'll ever love him the same way he loves me. It really doesn't make sense to me how he can think that he loves me way more than I love him then turn around then tell me that he's not in love with me. If his feelings did change, he wouldn't be the one calling me at night to say goodnight, he wouldn't be the one to ask me to bus him to work. He wouldn't ask me to go to his family dinner with his grandma, he wouldn't want to show affections with me, he would try to avoid having sex with me. He'd find excuses to not hang out with me. He wouldn't put in so much effort into our date on our 1 year. He wouldn't have bussed for 1 hour after work at 10pm just to hang out with me. But he did all of that.

    One time when we were at Driven (Car show in Calgary), we had a fight and he got really angry & said things were over between us and just left. When his friends went after him and tried to talk to him about it, he sent them back to tell me that he didn't mean what he said and that he still wants to be with me. Another time when we were at my friend's birthday party, we had a fight and he could've easily ended things there, but he didn't and told me that he didn't want 1 year to just end like that. He's had many opportunities to end things with me, but he didn't, that tells me that his feelings didn't change for me.

    On our 1 year anniversary, we both took a day off work & he planned a little surprise for me. Even though it was really simple, but it was the thought that counts. He told me to meet him up at noon at the bus stop, which I did, and as i got off the bus, he walked towards me with a rose and told me that we were going on a picnic. He brought all my favorite food and even made sandwiches for us.

    I know for a fact that he wasn't cheating on me or found someone new because he knows what it feels like to be cheated on. & he's not the type to lead someone on, because he knows the difference between actually wanting to be with someone and just leading someone on. He's not the type of person to say things just to make you happy, he's honest about his opinion and straightforward. True, he is very impulsive and doesn't think about the consequences when he does things, but I love him for him.

    Since we started dating, we've been together for mostly everyday except for the time he went on vacation or when i went on vacation. I understand that yes, things do get a bit repetitive since we're both teenagers and there's not much for us to do. But there are still so much planned out for us to do and now we don't even get the chance to do any of it.

    My questions are that, should I try to get him back? Or should I just let him leave? What could have possibly caused the sudden change? Do you think I still have a chance with him? Even if his feelings did change, why did he do all those stuff and chose to break up with me so suddenly?

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    To me, people who say they've completely changed their minds about how they feel about someone within 12 hours is either not being honest with you or not being honest with himself. Or both.

    The reason I say this is because break ups don't normally happen out of the blue...usually, the person initiating it has been struggling internally with something for awhile before actually bringing it out into the open. Sometimes they've been struggling with it consciously, sometimes not. However, what seem to be "snap decisions" are not uncommon for people who are generally impulsive...and it happens a lot when you're very young.

    Should you try to get him back? Well, think about it this way: can you MAKE someone love you? Can you MAKE someone want to be with you? No, the sad truth is that you can't. The fact is that the more you try to push it, the further you'll end up pushing them away. And would you really want to be with someone whom you had to manipulate into getting back together with you?

    What could have caused the sudden change? Only he can answer that, sweetie. None of us have insight into his mind, and even if he gave you an answer, you'd have a thousand more questions afterward.

    As for whether we think you still have a chance with him, again, that's something only he can answer. I will never presume to know what anyone is thinking, because I don't.

    The problem with having these questions is that you're never going to get satisfactory answers to them, even if they come directly from your ex. You're still going to be left wondering why and how this could have happened without any warning. We all want closure at the end of a relationship, but the truth is, the ex is the LAST person likely to do that, ironically enough. Closure has to come from you, what you decide to do for yourself, and how you decide to move forward.
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    jl1234,

    I am sorry your boyfriend is being this way. I know it is hard to accept someone's behavior especially when everything appears to be just fine on the surface. Give it a few days. Let's see how he reacts when you aren't there. Do your best not to contact him in any way ands let's see how much he really wants to let you go.


    Take care,


    SuperDave71
    "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." -Aristotle

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