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Thread: Disclosure of an std?

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    Default Disclosure of an std?

    If you meet someone you think that something special is going to bloom. When should you disscuss the fact that you have a std?
    I realize a couple of things here. First and foremost everyone on the board is going to think that ole bobbyc has an std. Well you know old soldiers and stationed in 10 countries. Yeap chances are high even with the "regular" girls to get something.
    Youth stupidty and a pocket full of dollars will get you hsv2 everytime.
    Now the other thing of course that at first seems obvious is that as soon as you think sexual relations are possible that this discussion should take place. Well heres the deal the first instint is not to say and use condoms. After all something serious may happen in this relationship and you dont want to scare her off 3 or 4 dates into it.

    There are probably many things wrong here on many levels.
    Honesty, starting the relationship off right...
    Well here is the gods honest cold hard truth. If you were to discuss an std outside of having no sexual relationships with anyone that you date you would never date. Right. Or maybe thats it. Is the person condemned to never dating again?


    Hit me with it.
    Sent from my Kindle Fire using Tapatalk 2

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    Hey Bobby,

    Well, it's tough one eh? First off I guess it depends whether or not the STD is something that you can get cleared up.

    If it's not, my inclination would be to avoid sexual contact as long as you can. Even with condoms, my thoughts are that if things progressed and you finally told her, it would certainly be something she would be upset about (or even angry) that she didn't know *before* you slept with her. After all, you know all about your STD, but (ladies correct me if I'm wrong) she would want to be well informed of the risks before sleeping with you. I would imagine she would take your lack of communication as arrogant and selfish.

    Get to know her, and let her get to know you better. If you feel it is something special and could bloom, what's the rush with sex? If it gets to a point that it really looks like it is going to florish, and she is confused about your reluctance to sleep with her, maybe that could be a good time to talk to her about it.

    I think your statement is probably true,...if you're talking about meeting someone and telling them on the first date! HOWEVER, if that person has feelings for you, I would say it changes things dramatically. Noone can switch off their feelings, and although some would still walk away, I'm sure a great deal more would just need to be educated on the subject to be able to understand.

    I hope this helps mate,
    -Peace
    Dan

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dan72 View Post
    Get to know her, and let her get to know you better. If you feel it is something special and could bloom, what's the rush with sex? If it gets to a point that it really looks like it is going to florish, and she is confused about your reluctance to sleep with her, maybe that could be a good time to talk to her about it.

    I love this because there is a positive and that is that it gives you an opportunity NOT to rush a relationship. Take time to really get to know the person before anything physical. I'd say once you and the other person are headed to that route or once you have established some trust and comfort then let them know. Make sure they understand.

    If I found out a guy I had sex with had an STD and didn't even tell me... I would FREAK. This is definitely something you would want to discuss before hand. It is so important and you're talking about someone else's body and health here as well. Better not to take that risk of them not knowing and finding out in the worst possible way.

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    This is a tough one...but given the nature of HSV-2, I think it's important that you take some time to talk about it with her when you've gotten to know each other better. Since it's not something that's curable, it's doubly important to let someone know about this BEFORE you do anything physical. It's tricky to figure out the right timing for something like this - too soon, and she's off running before you can say another word. Too late, and she'll likely punch you in the face.

    My personal opinion is that you take some time to get to know each other before opening up about it - in the big picture, it's sort of weird to disclose one's medical conditions in general to people they don't know well, regardless of whether they're STDs or not. If you've built up an affection for one another first, then it may not have a disastrous effect on the progress of your relationship - she'll simply know that you both need to take proper precautions. And, honestly, if I were in her place, I'd appreciate you being honest with me BEFORE sleeping together - it indicates that you care for her well-being rather than simply being focused on your own gratification.
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    I agree with OhmanIneedcoffee. Also transmission is much less likely in cases where you use a condom, although still a risk as the skin around the genitals is exposed. So even after you tell her, you aren't saying "If you sleep with me, you'll get this." You're saying, "I need to let you know, because even if we use a condom, I'm putting you at risk and I respect and care about you enough to ensure you know that before we get there."

    Also on a basic prevention method, I have to say, there is a hpv vaccine and that all sexually active women should try to ensure they've had this, it protects against cervical cancer and various forms of genital warts.

    There is unfortunately no vaccine for the hsv-2 yet. Keep your eyes peeled, it is being developed, as this would mean any partner of yours could potentially once being told, go and get this vaccine, to protect themselves...

    It's really difficult since both hsv-2 and hpv are able to be passed on your first sexual encounter, even when protected by a condom.

    I know someone who got hsv-2 this way, from someone who they had known for ages as a friend who didn't tell them; they were 17/18. They were so upset and traumatised their next sexual partner was not until they were 21/22.

    IMHO, the person who didn't disclose, should have been brought up on assault charges. If you chose to negligently endanger another, with a weapon or an infection, you should have some appropriate penalties.

    Just my two cents (look at me being all American!) .

    All the best,

    Annita
    "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

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